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Title Sequence and Theme Song
Sacred Heart: Ward
Sonny: Oh, um, while we continue to work, why don't you check out some secret footage I shot yesterday of the Janitor's Brain Trust meeting.
Sacred Heart: Break Room
Janitor: Ok. (bangs hammer on table) I call this meeting to order.
Ted: Why, why, why is she here?
Janitor: Three reasons. One, none of your business. Two, I think Doug gave me a dirty look yesterday, and so he is suspended until I determine whether, one, he was looking at me, and two that was actually him--he was a good hundred yards away. And, uh, three, our cheerful Indian intern here has what she calls a video diary, so she is going to capture the goings on for, uh, you know, posterity. Think about that. Years from now, people will be using this footage to teach children.
Janitor: Teach children what?
Todd: Motion to lift the ban on inter-Brain Trust dating.
Janitor: Motion denied.
Sunny: Thank you.
Todd: Motion to continue this meeting shirtless.
Ted: Oh, it is very hot.
Janitor: Motion denied, listen...
Ted: It's hot!
Janitor: Will you calm...do I gotta bang the gavel? (bangs hammer on table)
Todd: Bang something.
Janitor: Order. There is another reason that I welcomed our new member here. She has a video camera and therefore can shoot our sitcom.
Sunny: You want me to do what?
Janitor: Ted and I have a sitcom. It's called Legal Custodians. He's a lawyer, I'm a janitor, together we adopt a cute little kid, hence, Legal Custodians.
Ted: That's brilliant.
Sunny: Yeah, ok, I guess I can shoot that.
Janitor: Thank you.
Todd: Well, do you have somebody to play the little kid or should I...shave myself down?
Janitor: Oh, yeah, thanks for that, but no we are covered. We're just gonna to use this (holds up a white pillow with a face drawn on it in black marker) as the kid until the Hollywood hotshots get a look at it, they buy the show and later they CGI in a real kid.
Ted: That's brilliant.
Janitor: Ok, um, meeting adjourned. Uh, let's do this, let's shoot this thing. Hope you don't gotta work this week.
Cut to title sequence of Legal Custodians
(singing) Ted: I'm a lawyer. Janitor: I'm a janitor. Both: Together we adopted a cute little kid. We're Legal Custodians. Get it?
Cut back to break room with lights off and everyone gathered around Sunny's laptop
Ted: The credits look awesome!
Todd: I'd watch that...in bed.
Sunny: Yeah, me too. Um, so, let's make the show. Do you guys have the pilot script?
Janitor: Yeah, about that, we were thinking that maybe you...should write that. Because we're more idea men.
Sunny: Uh, alright, um. (to camera) Come back next week for the first episode of Legal Custodians.