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Our Meeting with Carla transcript

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The following is a transcript of the Scrubs: Interns webisode "Our Meeting with Carla".

Ward - Sunny talks to the camera.

Sonny: Hey everybody, today’s segment was supposed to be an interview with a pregnant woman about what it’s like to be a patient here, but she just informed me that she’s not pregnant. Or a female. Rough morning here… for me. Well it couldn’t have happened anyway because Nurse Espinosa called an emergency meeting to talk about our relationship with the nurses. Lets go.

Sacred Heart – Ward

Carla: Where’s the other one? Nice of you to join us. Now does everyone know why they’re here? We’re here because Howie called me something. Howie, what did you call me?

Howie: Nurse chick.

Carla: And what did I do?

Howie: You ripped off some of my arm hair.

Carla: That’s because my name is Nurse Espinosa, not Nurse Chick. Now I know most of you are new to this place but you have to learn how to talk to nurses. For example, Katie, how do you get a nurse to install a peripheral IV?

Katie: You just tell her to repl…

Carla: ERR! Wrong. You don’t ever tell a nurse anything, you ask her.

Sunny: Wow. She got you.

Cut to Sonny talking to camera

Sonny: Katie bugs me a little so I like to torture her.

Cut back to ward

Sonny: I mean she so got you.

Denise: Stop it.

Carla: Now nurses don’t just dole out pills and find veins and change bedpans, they are your conduit to the patients. They have a lot of medical experience. They probably even know more than you do.

Denise: Please, you didn’t go to medical school.

Carla: How many milligrams of promethazine do you give a patient when they have nausea?

Denise: Um, 2009?

Carla: You couldn’t come up with the answer, so you just gave me the year, didn’t you? It’s 25 milligrams. Now I know what clichés you’ve been watching on TV, but nurses are not just a bunch of ditzy women out to snag themselves a doctor.

Denise: So how are things for you and Dr. Turk? Are they good?

Carla: Oh we’re great! How’s the sex in the on-call room with Dr. Hill? You didn’t know, right? We see everything. We are the eyes, ears, heart, and soul of this hospital, my friends. So, be good to us, we’ll be good to you. We’ll make your life easier. Disrespect us, we will make your life a living hell. That’s all.

Sonny: Wow. She totally tricked you with that question.

Katie: Why won’t you let it go?

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