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Our Final Advice transcript

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The following is a transcript of the Scrubs: Interns webisode "Our Final Advice". Coffee Bucks

Sunny: Today, former Chief of Medicine Dr. Kelso is going to give me the real breakdown of working here.

Dr. Kelso: Now listen, we did agree that you were going to buy me a latte if I did this, right?

Sunny: Oh, you already have one.

Dr. Kelso: I'll take the five bucks.

Sunny laughs

Dr. Kelso: What are you laughing at, I'm serious. Cough up the five bucks or get the hell outta here. (Sunny starts walking away) Okay! Advice. You're a cute kid. You could stand to wear a skirt. One of the worst ideas in history was to let women wear pants. Especially nurses.

Sunny: Oh Dr. Kelso, I'm a doctor.

Dr. Kelso: Well, that you're a member of the big leagues, I'll give you the lay of the land. First: always be on time. Because other doctors rely on you. Always cozy up to a pansy so they can take the fall. And most important, what happens in the on-call room, stays in the on-call room. Nobody likes a rat. Check it out: I hit that in... '74. Oh, yea I know! I just broke my own rule! Do as I say, not as I do. Sweetheart, this is the greatest job in the world. Just make sure you enjoy it. Because before you know it, it'll be over.

Sunny: Thanks Dr. Kelso.

Break room

Sunny: Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my inside look at life of an intern at Sacred Heart. I wish I could show you more, but my sister needs her camera back so she can film her stupid newborn. Who cares? He's ugly. You know, looking back, I've learned so much since I've started here. For example, I've learned that there's so much work for so little money. You gotta have something deep down inside that makes you really want to help people. Or you won't last. I've also learned that if organs are missing from our morgue's freezer, it's best to go to the Janitor first.

X-ray room

Ed: Was Dr. Cox right to fire me? I don't know. Yea, there was a couple of times where I may have been watching exclusive content on my mobile phone when I could've been studying or doing work, but you know, it's about priorities.

Lecture room

Katie: I learned that I can actually do this! I also learned it's a huge mistake to hook up with a fellow intern.

Break room

Howie with Katie's name written on his bicep.

X-ray room

Ed: He may be a better doctor than me, than I am, but I've seen exclusive footage from The Watchmen. So, you know, which would I rather be? Probably the guy who's seen the stuff from The Watchmen.


Denise: You can't make it here on your own, but I never really like to have friends, you know, they're such a burden. But, I've been trying to work harder to connect to my co-workers. To be nicer...

Sunny: Is that why you...

Denise: Shut up Sunny I'm talking! Anyway, I'm more of a giver now, you know? Why are you trying so hard not to laugh? I am. OK, I'm going to keep smiling until you stop filming, and then I'm going to kill you.

Sunny: Then I won't stop.

Denise: You will eventually.

Break room

Sunny: The battery eventually ran out and she gave me something called a swirly. It was kind of refreshing actually. So anyways that's it! I hope you enjoyed whatever the heck this was. Ok! Bye!

Shot of ugly baby

Sunny: That's my sister's baby. Hideous, right? Anyway thanks again.

Scrubs: Interns theme

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