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The following is a transcript of the Scrubs episode "My Way or the Highway".


Turk and J.D.'s Apartment -- Living Room

Turk and J.D. are sitting on the couch -- Turk flipping through the TV channels, J.D. playing with a PinArt on his face.

Turk: Nothing.... Nothing.... Nothing.... Nothing.... Nothing.... Nothing....

J.D. pokes two fingers in the PinArt, making eyes in the face.

J.D.: I can see!

Turk: Nothing.... Nothing.

J.D. tosses the toy aside.

J.D.: Come on, man, let's get out of here. There's something to do, there's...[reading paper] festivals, there's theatre, there's museums. Let's get out and get some culture! How 'bout some of that!

Turk: Let's put Rowdy on top of the TV and see which one of us can throw a hat on him first.

He leaps off the couch to set up Rowdy.

J.D.'s Narration: Turk turns everything in to a competition. It can get kind of annoying.

In a Restaurant, J.D. and Turk are at a table, with two large steaks delivered in front of them.

Turk: Let's play Steak.

J.D.: What?

Turk: Steak: The first person to finish their steak is the winner of Steak.

J.D.: No, see, I paid seventeen dollars for this steak, and I'm not gonna....

Turk digs in to his steak.

J.D. digs in to his to catch up.

J.D.: [challenging] You want some?

Turk: Uh-huh.

In the Cafeteria, J.D. and Turk are carrying their trays to a table...their scrubs bottoms around their ankles.

Turk: Ankles is a simple game: The first one to get embarrassed and pull up their scrubs loses.

J.D.'s Narration: The problem is, these stupid games always seem to end the same way.

In the living room, Turk succeeds in hatting Rowdy.

Turk: HA! HahahahaHA! Say it!

In the restaurant, Turk's steak is gone. J.D. almost made it, but had to stop; he looks sick.

Turk: Say it!

In the Cafeteria, the staff at the other tables are giggling as J.D. nervously hikes up his scrubs bottoms first.

Turk: Just say it.

Back in the living Room, J.D. slumps in the couch.

J.D.: [sighs] I'm your beeyotch.

Turk: Yes, you are! Now, sit back, baby, 'cause 'Iron Chef' is on.

He flicks on the TV.





Hospital -- Entrance

Turk runs in ahead of J.D., who's carrying a stack of paperwork.

Turk: I win!

J.D.: I wasn't racing, I was just walking in.

Todd: Good, clean win, T-Dog. Now, let's go down to the Caf and get our doughnut on.

They give each other high-five and leave the area together.

J.D.: [calling after Turk] It wasn't a race! Okay, fine! Let's just play, uh, let's play Tip Over the Trash-Can! Okay?

He knocks over the nearby trash-can, spilling the contents on the floor.

J.D.: I win!

The Janitor steps in front of J.D.

J.D.: I...I win.

Janitor: Can I play?

J.D.: Yeah.

The Janitor swats J.D.'s armful of papers onto the floor.

Janitor: This is fun.

J.D.: Yeah.


Patient's Room

Elliot rushes in. Carla is already at the bedside of the patient, Sean Kelly.

Elliot: Sorry to keep you, Mr. Kelly, I was just, uh....

The first time she sees him, she's floored -- he's young, he's hot, and he's eating a fruit cup. Yum.

Elliot: [twitterpated] So, what are you, uh...sick or something?

Sean: My--my heartbeat, it's like, uh, it's irregular. [to Carla] What's the medical word for it?

Carla: "Irregular."

Sean: Yeah! That's it, it's irregular.

Elliot: Ah! Of course! The heart...the old ticker!

She pats her chest.

Sean:'re my doctor. I have something for you in my pants.

Elliot looks at him.

Sean: No. No, no, no, no, no. Not--not--I'm not wearing any pants...right now. My pants are over there, and there's a note...from my--my G.P. in, um, in the pocket.

Elliot sighs.

Sean: If you guys need me, I'll be under here.

He ducks his head under his blankets.

Cut to...


Carla and Elliot are leaving Sean's room.

Elliot: This might sound weird, but I'm in love with that guy. And if I don't sleep with him, I'm gonna kill myself! It's inappropriate to jump a patient, isn't it?

Carla: Totally.

Elliot: Have you ever done it?

Carla: Tons of times.

Turk comes up to them.

Turk: Tons of times what, Baby?

Carla: [smiling] Nothing, Baby.


Another Patient's Room

Dr. Cox and J.D. are at the bed of a man...not quite as young and hot as Sean.

Dr. Cox: Why hasn't he had a surgical consult? Oh, you know what, I'm sorry, that's my fault. I didn't make it clear to you how I feel about things that should already be done, so, here it is: I almost always wish things were done already.

J.D.: Look, Mr. Hoffner asked for all his treatment options, and I gave them to him; he never specifically asked for a surgical consult.

Mr. Hoffner: Could I have a surgical consult?

Dr. Cox: You may have whatever you want, there, cowboy.

He shoves the chart at J.D. and leaves.

J.D.: [to the patient] How is that helpful? Do you not get the whole doctor-patient relationship thing? We're supposed to be a team.

Mr. Hoffner: You and me? We're gonna get killed.


Nurses' Station

A Nurse pours a cup of coffee for Dr. Cox. He takes a sip.

Dr. Cox: Oh, for the love of Our Lady of Guadalupe, that is a fine brew.

Nurse: Oh, it's just coffee.

Dr. Cox: Oh, no, no. This is liquid crack; this is a mug full of sunshine; my dear, for me, this is like sex.

Nurse: Oh! Is that why you always finish so quickly?

She smiles mischievously as she walks away.

Dr. Cox: Mmm. And sassy, too. If you could cook a steak, I'd eat it right off your bottom!

He addresses the other nurses at the Station.

Dr. Cox: Oh, ladies! This is that beverage that I've been trying to describe to you. And, it turns out -- this is gonna sound weird, but -- the secret is you grind it from beans...not crap.

Nurse Roberts: I'll grind your beans.

Dr. Cox: Oh, Laverne, honestly, when are we gonna get it over with?

Carla: Look, we are already understaffed, and Dr. Kelso just fired two nurses for no good reason, so you will forgive us if we don't have time for The Dr. Cox Show today. Okay?

She turns her attention to Nurse Roberts.

Carla: Now, we have to reschedule every single nurse for the week.

Nurse Roberts: Well, I don't understand what we're gonna do about the...

Dr. Cox ignores their unimportant chatter to turn to more important matters -- his cup o' joe.

Dr. Cox: [to his mug] We don't need we.



J.D.'s Narration: Here's the problem about getting a surgical consult: I think Mr. Hoffner should be treated medically, but any surgeon is gonna want to slice and dice him. You see, surgical and medical interns are kind of like two rival gangs -- not real gangs, more like those cheesy gangs you see in Broadway musicals.

      • Fantasy Sequence: Two groups of interns -- one in blue scrubs, the other in green -- face off in the hall with a flashy dance number.

They sing...

"Surgical, Medical, Surgical -- Yeah! Surgical, Medical, Surgical -- Yeah!"

J.D. and Turk push to the front of their respective gangs, meeting each other.

J.D.'s Narration: Still, I knew there was one surgical intern I could count on.

Cut to...

A Balcony

J.D. and Turk face one another and sing...

J.D.: "If you have some molds, I will inspect them"

Turk: "I'll remove tumors from your brain to your rectum"

They embrace and sing...

Together: "Between the two of us, there is no wall / We're a surgeon and a doc above it all / A surgeon and a doc,!"

Turk: No problem, man. Whatever you want me to tell your patient, I'm your guy.

The two part to go about their work.

J.D. is momentarily distracted by Todd, who does a strangely familiar dance move down the hall.


Stress Test Lab

Elliot is monitoring Sean as he runs the treadmill.

Elliot: How are you feeling?

Sean: Uhh, well, I'm not tired, if that's what you're getting at.

Elliot: Don't get all male on me! Stress tests are supposed to be hard. Um, it helps if you visualize yourself running towards something, like your girlfriend....

Sean: Mm, I don't have a girlfriend.

Elliot: [fawning] How could you possibly be single?

Sean: I don't know, I mean, I'm kind of anal-neurotic.

Elliot: Oh, my God! Me too!

Sean: Really?

Elliot: Please! I like to keep my pens in order from least to most ink.

She points out the line of pens in her breast pocket.

Sean: Oh, that is hot. I don't know, I guess the truth is that I, uh, I don't go out a lot, you know? I always seem to put my foot in my mouth.

Elliot leans against the machine, lost in thought. The treadmill belt speeds up.

Elliot: [under breath] Oh, I'd let you put your foot in my mouth.

Sean: What?

Elliot: [speaking up] Oh, um, I said I'd let you put your foot in my mouth!

Sean: Oh. That's weird.

Elliot: I know!

Elliot composes herself and looks at the monitor of the treadmill and her chart.

Distracted by Elliot, Sean has a bit of trouble keeping up with the increased pace, and falls. But recovers quickly so that everything looks normal when Elliot glances over at him.



Dr. Kelso leads rounds.

Dr. Kelso: Who gets to tell us the symptoms of Menier's Disease? Dr. Murphy!

Doug: [nervous] Can you use it in a sentence?

Dr. Cox saves the day by entering the area with a whistle.

Dr. Cox: Ahhh, sorry to interrupt you, there, Bobbo, but I gotta ask you a quick question. Now, when you were born -- nay, "spawned" -- by the Dark Prince himself, did that rat-bastard forget to give you a hug before he sent you along your way? Because you can't just let two good nurses go on account of feeling small and insignificant. And, besides, with your money, you oughtta able to keep a little man tucked away in the closet and bring him out whenever you want to knock him around, huh?

Dr. Cox: As you were.

Dr. Cox leaves. Dr. Kelso watches after him, looking as though he'd really like to have a little man to knock around right about now.

The interns all avert their gaze so as not to be picked to fill that role, except for Doug, who stares intently.

J.D.: [out the corner of his mouth] Doug. Look away!

Doug: I...can't!

With blood in his eyes, Dr. Kelso steps towards him.


Mr. Hoffner's Room

J.D. idly stands at the man's bedside.

Mr. Hoffner: What are you serving for dinner tonight?

J.D.: You know, that's not really my area.

Mr. Hoffner: I'd like chicken.

Turk enters.

J.D.: Okay, Mr. Hoffner, here's your surgical consult. But, I have to warn you, he's gonna agree with the medical course I set out for you. Now then, Dr. Turk, why don't you tell Mr. Hoffner whether or not you think he should have surgery.

Turk: I think he should have the surgery.

J.D. turns and looks daggers at Turk.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, the important thing to remember is that we're both professionals, and we should behave as such in front of the patient.

J.D. shoves Turk in the shoulder.

Turk returns the gesture.


Nurses' Station

Dr. Cox: No! Tell me he did not fire her!

Carla: You had to do it! You had to show up Kelso, and now another nurse is out of a job.

Dr. Cox: Excuse me, I went down there to confront---

Carla: I am not done! [to Nurse Roberts] Am I done?

Nurse Roberts: You don't look done.

Carla: [to Dr. Cox] You know what your problem is?

Dr. Cox: There are times I put myself in situ---

Carla: Oh, my God! Who answers that question!? You see, _that_ is your problem -- you think you have the answers to e-heh-everything, but instead, you end up throwing gas on the fire, and everyone else has to pay the consequences.

Dr. Cox: That's almost exactly what I was going to say.

Elliot rushes up to Carla, a cup of coffee and a powdered doughnut in hand.

Elliot: Carla, um, I'm sorry, can I talk to you for a second?

Dr. Cox: Oh, my God -- Barbie needs you!

Carla: To be continued.

She gets up and leaves the area with Elliot.

Dr. Cox: Whoo.

Cut to...


Carla is walking through with Elliot, who is trying to obsess, drink her coffee, and eat her doughnut all at once.

Elliot: Why hasn't he asked me out? I mean, he knows I'm single, I've mentioned, like, five movies that I want to see, I--I even keep dropping things so that when I pick them up he can see how flexible I am!

Carla: Look, Elliot, you have to understand, these things take time and we're gonna focus on time.

Elliot: That's a good point. I mean, nobody likes me when they first meet me and---

Carla: Exactly!

Elliot looks at her pitifully.

Carla: I'm helping.

Elliot: 'Kay. I mean, we've got all the time in the world, right?

Carla: Right.

Cut to...

Sean's Room

Carla is at his bedside as Elliot looks over his chart.

Elliot: Oh, no.

Sean: Oh, I knew it. I'm dying. I was exhausted the whole time I was on that treadmill! I should have said something; but I never do, nope. I mean, not when it comes to my well-being. And now...I'm getting a pig heart!

Elliot: [heartbroken] No, you're perfect.... You're free to

Sean: That seems like good news?

Elliot: Best news ever!

Sean turns his attention to Carla.

Elliot tosses her clipboard on to the floor.

Elliot: Oh! Dropped my clip-board! I'll just....

She lowers herself into some pretty impressive splits to fetch the clipboard.

Sean looks down on her.

Sean: Do I need to sign something?

She drops her head on her leg in frustration.

Elliot: Oh....


Mr. Hoffner's Room

Turk and J.D. continue their disagreement.

J.D.: You said you were gonna back me up!

Turk: That was before I looked at his chart. He's had ulcerative colitis for the past ten years.

Mr. Hoffner: And no girlfriends. It's a...gassy disease.

J.D.: You can't consider this a reoccurrence! He was under-treated last time!

Turk: He's high-risk for colon cancer!

J.D.: That's why we're gonna give him frequent colostomies!

Mr. Hoffner: How frequent?

J.D.: I can't believe you're turning this into a competition. Luckily, it's not up to you -- it's up to Mr. Hoffner.

Mr. Hoffner: I'm gonna go with surgery.

J.D.: You're getting a meat plate for dinner!

Mr. Hoffner: But I eat chicken!

Turk: I'll set it up.

J.D. watches after Turk as he leaves.

      • Fantasy Sequence: The Balcony

Together: [singing] "A surgeon and a doc,!"

Turk hurls J.D. off the balcony.

J.D.: Aaaaaaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

Out of view, he lands with a crash, falling on what sounds like a couple of garbage cans...and a cat.

Turk: Say it!

J.D.: [out of view] I'm your beeyotch.





J.D. is angrily walking through.

J.D.'s Thoughts: I'm not just gonna let Turk beat me. I'm gonna fight back. And you wanna know how? I'm telling!

He enters the doorway to the Doctors' Lounge, where Dr. Cox is sitting in one of the chairs.

J.D.: Dr. Cox?

      • Fantasy Sequence: Dr. Cox is in the chair, wearing a sweater and glasses, comforting his "son" J.D. in his lap.

J.D.: [blubbering] He patient! And then.... And the--and then....

Dr. Cox: Oh, it's okay, Jumbo; it's okay! Now, who's my big boy? Oh, who's my big boy!

J.D.: I AM!

Dr. Cox: Oh, you're my big boy!

J.D.: I am!

Dr. Cox: You're my big boy!

J.D.: I'm a big---

Dr. Cox: Good God, Newbie, do you think you're the only one with problems around here?

He stands and walks towards the door.

Dr. Cox: Gimme a break, watch this: Pick a nurse, any nurse. Uh-huh.

Nurse Roberts passes.

Dr. Cox: Oh, um, Laverne, when you get a chance, could you grab a file for me?

She doesn't even stop.

Nurse Roberts: Grab these.

Dr. Cox: [to J.D.] Rough all over. So don't talk to me, Joanie, just go talk to your patient. [whistles and smacks J.D. on the rear] Go!

Cut to...

Mr. Hoffner's Room

Turk is at the man's bedside, going over the chart. J.D. enters.

J.D.: What's up, Benedict.

Turk: What?

J.D.: Benedict Arnold?

Turk: That's just the lamest smack-talk I've ever heard in my life.

J.D.: Oh yeah?

Turk: Yeah.

J.D.: Well, that's not what the red-coats thought!

Turk leaves.

Mr. Hoffner: Wow! You went Colonial on his ass!

J.D.: So, what's up, man? You're gonna go under the knife just 'cause that guy told you to?

Mr. Hoffner: No, I spoke to some other people.

J.D.: Like who?

There's a flush from the room's bathroom. The Janitor steps out with a plunger in hand.

Janitor: All fixed.

J.D.: He's a janitor!

Mr. Hoffner: Yeah, but he seems confident....



Dr. Kelso is at a table -- by himself, of course -- eating a slice of chocolate cake. Dr. Cox angrily approaches and kicks the opposite chair out. He sits.

Dr. Kelso: What are you gonna do, slugger, take a swing at me?

Dr. Cox: Maybe.

Dr. Kelso: Well, if you do...I'd better die. Because, if I don't, I will be coming for you. Good cake, today.

Dr. Cox: Lookit, you fired a dear, dear friend of mine. That woman was like family!

Dr. Kelso: Who?

Dr. Cox: Who? I'll tell you who! ....Coffee Nurse. When you fired Coffee Nurse, you made this whole thing personal!

Dr. Kelso: No, you made it personal. You gave me all that lip yesterday in front of the interns. Look, you wanna know why I laid off those first two nurses? Budgetary constraints forced a cut, and those two had negative reports. And you think I did it to make myself happy...heh-heh.... I wouldn't notice if they all caught on fire.

Dr. Cox: Well, then, why in God's name did you axe Coffee Nurse?

Dr. Kelso: Because you were being an ass! You're right -- that was personal. My bad!

Dr. Cox grumbles and leaves the table.

Dr. Kelso: [to self] Golly, I do love moist cake.



Elliot is striding through, all decked out in a cute little pink dress and heels.

Carla comes up to her.

Carla: Where are you going? You don't get off until midnight!

Elliot: Lookit, it's my last chance; and Sean's only seen me all skanked out. What, does it look like I'm trying too hard?

Carla: No! Do you need me to ice up your nipples?

Elliot: Why? What would that do?

Carla: Go get him, tiger. Go.

Elliot continues striding down the hall.

Nurse Roberts exits one of the rooms.

Nurse Roberts: Dr. Reid, we need help with one of your patients.

Elliot whines, but follows Nurse Roberts in.

Cut to...

A Patient's Room

The Janitor is at the bedside, talking to the patient.

Janitor: Look, I'm just a janitor, I don't know much, but I do know this: You need surgery.

J.D.'s Thoughts: What???

Cut back to...


Elliot exits the room Nurse Roberts had dragged her into.

Poor Elliot's hair is a stringy mess; colorful stains now pattern her dress.

Sean approaches her.

Sean: Hey!

Elliot: [surprised, but playing it cool] Hey! How's it goin'?

Sean: It's good. Yeah. It's good.... You, have a little something on your cheek.

Elliot: Oh, um! Yeah, that! That's just, uh.... That's poo.

Sean: Oh. Well, I mean, you know--you know what they say, right? Because...everybody poops. I mean, I just did, earlier -- not this second, but...down there, I poo--I pooped.

Elliot: Wow. I think that is so cool that you can just talk about it!

Sean: Really? Okay. Yeah, I love to poop.




Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, present your patient.

J.D.: Uh, yes sir. The patient presented in DKA, which is why I've started him on an insulin drip, and I---

      • Surreal Sequence: The patient interrupts.

Patient: Don't bother! I'm gonna go in for surgery.

The patient in the next bed takes off her oxygen mask....

Patient 2: Me too!

A nearby nurse pipes up....

Nurse: I'm having surgery right now! And loving it!

Turk: [smooth] Let's get you out of your skin.

J.D.'s daydream is interrupted by Dr. Cox entering.

Dr. Cox: Bob? Could I talk to you for a second?

The interns wait as Dr. Kelso walks over to him.

The two doctors stand facing each other for a moment.

Dr. Kelso: Can I let my mind wander, or are we doing something?

Dr. Cox: I just wanted to say that I'm.......I'm sorry.

Dr. Kelso: [amazed] Holy crap!

Dr. Cox: But my bad behavior is my own doing, and I don't think an innocent nurse should suffer on account of it.

Dr. Kelso: Then I'll make it right.

Dr. Cox: Thank you.

Dr. Kelso: will apologize again so the interns can hear. Your call, Perry.

He gives an evil grin and heads back over to the group.

Dr. Cox: Dr. Kelso.... I'm sorry. I was wrong.

The interns know this is a delicate moment. They all avert their gaze...except for Doug, who stares at Dr. Cox.

J.D.: Doug, for God's sakes!

Doug: I don't care.... It's beautiful, man!

Dr. Cox grumbles and whips off his coat as he heads for Doug.


Admissions -- Front Desk

Elliot is talking to Carla.

Elliot: Oh, my God. I cannot believe I talked to Sean about poo for, like, ten minutes.

Carla: Oh, relax; nobody knows.

Nurse Roberts: [passing through] Hey, Poopy.

Elliot: At one point I tried changing the subject to art.... But, we went from art to artists to alcohol to coffee...and that just led right back to poo!

Carla: Elliot, you know how they say no one will ever love you until you learn to love yourself?

Elliot: My mother used to say, "No one will ever love you."

Carla: Just fake it! Don't let him see what a neurotic mess you are. You see Turk over there?

They look over near the doors, where Turk is talking to a colleague.

He waves.

Turk: Hey!

Carla: He doesn't know that I cry sometimes because I'm not sure there's a cat heaven.

Elliot raises her eyebrows in surprise.

Carla: It's all about hiding the crazy and _acting_ like the most confident girl in the room.

Elliot grins and stands up.

Elliot: No problem!

She races out of the area, knocking in to a passing doctor.

She collects herself and goes on her way.

Cut to...

Doctors' Lounge

J.D. enters, approaching Turk, who's eating cookies and reading at the table.

J.D.'s Narration: I, too, decided it was time to act like the most confident girl in the room, and face things head-on.

J.D.: That was my patient, Turk! I brought you in as my friend, and you're so damn competitive you just go ahead and take him from me? That sucks!

Turk: Tough.

J.D.: Excuse me?

Turk: You're damn right I'm competitive. See, that's what makes me a good doctor -- I want to win at everything every day, and you should, too.

J.D.: Oh, you know, that sounds like a great friendship.

Turk: Dude, if you don't wanna play Steak again, that's fine, all right? This has nothing to do with friendship, and you know it! So stop blaming me, because the truth is you're angry at yourself 'cause you couldn't get the guy to believe in you!

J.D.: He never got the concept of the team.

He slumps into the other chair.

Turk: I know. Have a cookie, man.

He offers the bag to J.D., who takes one out and shoves it in his mouth.

J.D.: [mouth full] I win at Cookie.

Turk: Yeah.

Cut to...

Nurses' Station

Coffee Nurse is pouring a cup of coffee for Dr. Kelso.

Nurse: Thanks again, sir.

Dr. Kelso: Ah, sweetie, no matter what the board says, I'm not gonna let someone like you get away -- not without a fight.

She goes on her way.

Dr. Cox comes up to Dr. Kelso.

Dr. Cox: What do you think, she doesn't see right through you? These people know who really cares about them!

Dr. Kelso: Oh, is that so? You and Jennifer are pretty tight, huh?

Dr. Cox: Hell, yeah, we are!

He addresses her.

Dr. Cox: Hey, Jenny? Gosh, I'm glad you're back.

Nurse: Thanks! My name's Patty.

Dr. Kelso laughs.

Dr. Cox:


Parking Lot

Sean is unlocking his car to leave.

Elliot rushes out the doors of the hospital and calls across the lot to him.

Elliot: Sean?

A car passes, splashing her with water from a puddle.

It fazes her for a moment, but she screws up her courage and calls again.

Elliot: Sean! Wait!

He looks up, and she runs over to him.

Elliot: Uh!

He looks at her splashed clothing.

Sean: Ew, is that, uh...uh...?

Elliot: No! No, no, no. This is just muddy water, see?

She wipes her finger across her shirt and licks it.

Sean: You just tasted muddy water.

Elliot: I know, was weird.

Sean: Yeah.

She grabs him and kisses him.

Sean: You're--you're--you''re, like, the best doctor ever.

Elliot: Why the hell haven't you asked me out?

Sean: Are you kidding? I was laying there, you know, pantsless, with, like, crusties in my nose, and I just---

Elliot: Sean, ask me out this minute.

Sean: Yes, ma'am. Uh, will you--do you want to go out with me, Elliot?

Elliot: Yes.

That settled, she walks back across the lot, where Carla is waiting for her.

J.D.'s Narration: When most of your time is spent fighting a constant stream of death and illness, you'll look for any victory you can get, even if it's just a victory over your own self-doubt.

Elliot: Come on! How cool was that!

Carla: Okay, okay, okay! Hold it! Hold it!

Sean backs his car up to Elliot and Carla.

Sean: I'll check you later!

Elliot: [cool] Check you later.

He hits the accelerator to take off...but has forgotten to change gears. He backs into something out of view.

Sean: Oh.

Elliot: Oh!

He changes direction and drives back.

Sean: I'm okay. Bye.

He pulls off.

Carla: You two are perfect for each other.

She walks back in.

Elliot: WOO! I got a date. I got a date.

Elliot twirls her stethoscope over her head as she does a little celebratory strut towards the doors.

J.D.'s Narration: Of course, sometimes, your ego leads you into battles you can't possibly win.

The nurses all fawn over their hero, Dr. Kelso, while Dr. Cox sourly looks on.

J.D.'s Narration: And sometimes, you have to admit that feeling competitive isn't a bad thing. Because, if you truly believe you're right, you have to be willing to fight for it.

Patient's Room

J.D. stands at the foot of the patient's bed. Behind him, the Janitor is on a ladder, fixing a light.

J.D.: Listen, I know what I'm telling you is the right way to go, and I am not gonna take "no" for an answer. So, what do you say?

The Janitor climbs down a few steps, giving the patient a thumb's up behind J.D.'s shoulder.

Patient: Okay, let's do it.

J.D. happily nods.

Janitor: [to J.D.] You won. Now beat it.

J.D.: What?

Janitor: Go.

J.D. reluctantly leaves.

Janitor: [to the patient] Let's get you some sherbet!

Cut to...


J.D. and Turk are standing behind two wheelchairs. One holding Dr. Cox, the other holding Dr. Wen.

J.D.'s Narration: Bottom line, when the stakes are high, you have to go for the win. You know, as long as you don't get caught up in the petty stuff.

Dr. Cox: Newbie, by God, if we lose to these cutters, don't even bother showing up tomorrow!

Dr. Wen: I don't want to beat them, I want to embarrass them!

      • Fantasy Sequence: Balcony

Dr. Cox and Dr. Wen embrace and sing, just as J.D. and Turk had.

Together: "A surgeon and a doc,!"

Carla waves a handkerchief to begin the race.

Carla: And, GO!

The racers take off. The gathered staff and patients cheer them on.


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