- “I have magic breasts.”— Elliot
"My Two Dads" is the fifth episode of Scrubs' first season. Dr. Kelso and Dr. Cox fight over J.D.'s trust. Elliot uses her breasts to heal numerous patients. Turk tries to stop Carla opening her gift; a pen which has been in someone's rectum.
A teenager's parents have arranged a visit from "The Rock" for their son in the hospital, but the boy, Jared, points out that he'd rather see a girl's breasts. J.D. tries to convince Elliot to flash Jared. He then pages Dr. Kelso because a procedure was scheduled for a patient, Mr. Martinez, even though he was already dead.
Dr. Cox becomes mad at J.D. because Mr. Martinez's insurance would have been enough to pay for a procedure scheduled for Mrs. Blitt, who can't afford it. J.D. still thinks he did the right thing, and he is rewarded by Dr. Kelso with an invitation to a round of golf in the afternoon.
Elliot decides to fulfill Jared's wish. She later complains that none of her patients are improving, but then Nurse Roberts enters the break room and tells her that Jared is doing much better. Elliot now believes that seeing her breasts helped Jared. She later flashes a coma patient, which results in a major increase of his heart rate.
Turk wants to buy a pen for Carla, but he doesn't have time to buy one. So he takes one out of the "Lost-and-Found-Box ", wraps it and gives it to Carla. Later, he is shown some X-rays from people who had various objects in their colons. Laverne tells him that there is an "ass-box" where they keep the objects found in patients' colons, but there is no lost-and-found box. Turk realizes that the pen he got for Carla was an "ass pen". He tries to get to Carla before she opens the gift, but he is too late.
When J.D. gets to the golf course, he is surprised to find Dr. Cox there as well. Through the course of the game, Dr. Cox tries to convince J.D. that a patient's well-being matters more than the hospital's funds, while Dr. Kelso tries to convince him that the hospital cannot function without money.
Later, Dr. Cox has a dying patient and is about to pronounce him when Elliot walks into the room and lifts her shirt up. After a moment of awkward silence, Dr. Cox pronounces the deceased.
That night, Turk tells Carla the truth about the pen. She is angry at first, but then realizes that Turk holds openness and honesty over sex, and she takes him to bed.
J.D. tells Dr. Cox that he agrees with what he tries to do with his patients, and tells him that he's on board. Cox tells him that he merely went to the golf course to size J.D. up, and not try to convince him to do anything, because he already found a replacement patient whose insurance could be used to cover Mrs. Blitt's procedure, and implemented his plan. Dr. Kelso discovers what Dr. Cox did and excoriates them. As they argue, J.D. realizes that the two of them aren't just fighting over patients or insurance, but over J.D.'s soul. Kelso suspends Cox.
Recurring Themes Edit
- J.D. and a group of Men are on Family Feud - and the winning answer to "Things guys want to see more than anything in the whole wide world" is "boobs" (93 of 100).
- Dr. Steadman eats treats from Dr. Kelso and humps his leg.
- J.D. and Dr. Cox play football in the backyard, as father and son.
- J.D. jumps up and eats a treat from Dr. Kelso that was meant for Dr. Steadman.
- J.D. wears outlandish golf clothes.
- The hospital is a supermarket, and Dr. Kelso is the cashier. The products are the patients, and if the price is too much for the hospital, they are bagged - in body bags.
- Dr. Cox is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Dr. Kelso is Darth Vader. They battle with lightsabers. J.D. (Luke Skywalker), Carla and Elliot (Princesses Leia), Turk (Han Solo) and The Janitor (Chewbacca) watch the fight, which is won by Darth Kelso - just like in the original Star Wars film.
Janitor story Edit
J.D.'s Girl Names Edit
- “What in the name of 'Are ya there, God, it's me Margaret' were you thinking?”— Dr. Cox
- “Now, tell me, Margaret, do you have the stones to sink a putt when you have to?”— Dr. Cox
Episode Running Gags Edit
- “Once every 4.2 seconds, a man says something stupid a woman hears and punishes him for it.”— J.D., on saying Turk and Carla slept together
- “Once every 6.3 seconds a man says something that another man hears and punishes him for it.”— J.D., after saying he was right about telling Kelso about Martinez's death.
Guest Stars Edit
- Louie Anderson as Himself
- Matthew Richards as Jared
- Marlena as Mrs. Blitt
- Matt Winston as Jeffrey Steadman
- Gabrielle Allan as Woman #1
- Troy Bishop as College Student
- Patricia Gebhard as Old Woman
- Harmony Lucas as Man #1
- John O'Brien as Man #2
- Ray Spinka as Kindly Old Man
- “Show me boobs!”— Louie Anderson
- “Oh, that's a great anecdote. You should write that down in your journal, then your kids can read about it when you're dead.”— Dr. Kelso
- “Watching his face as I kick his worthless butt up and down this golf course every week is basically... well, it's the most fun I can have without being forced to cuddle afterwards.”— Dr. Cox
- “There's no lost and found box. There's an ass box.”— Laverne
- This episode has the first of many Star Wars references. The scene parodies the scene in Episode IV: A New Hope, in which Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader fight in a similar way. Each Scrubs character references a Star Wars character.
- We see the first (possible) interaction between the Janitor and somebody other than J.D. Dr. Kelso says "Ammonia is a little too strong today" while walking out of the patient's room. There are only three other such interactions in Season One; once with Elliot in My Bad, once with a little girl in the reception in My Own Personal Jesus and once with Laverne in My Bed Banter & Beyond. The Janitor was originally planned to be a figment of J.D.'s imagination.
- Laverne says that there is no Lost and Found box in the hospital, but, in "My Butterfly", there is a box labelled "Free Stuff" in the Custodial Closet. However, it is possible that only the Janitor and the other janitors know about this box, and not the rest of the hospital staff.
- Dr. Cox and Dr. Kelso first appear to be holding smaller, pen-like lightsabers, but when the scene changes, the lightsabers are normal sized.
- When Elliot shows her breasts to her patient, she doesn't lift her shirt high enough to do so. Also, it can be seen that she's wearing a beige band around her chest.
- During the Family Feud scene about "What guys want to see more than anything in the world", the board reads:
- BOOBS 93
- THE ROCK 4
- BEER SANDWICHES 2
- WORLD PEACE 1
- In the scene where Turk is running to get back the pen he gave to Carla, LeLa Lee (who plays Bonnie Chang) can be seen in blue scrubs, despite her being a surgeon, who wear green scrubs.
- After Dr. Cox yells at J.D. for telling Dr. Kelso that he was using a dead patient's insurance on a patient who didn't have any, he asks "What in the hell do you want from me?". J.D.'s subsequent fantasy of them playing catch is in the style of Wonder Years.
- When Elliot promises a patient that The Rock will be visiting later, she is referring to former Superstar Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.