- “I have magic breasts.”— Elliot
"My Two Dads" is the fifth episode of Scrubs' first season. Dr. Kelso and Dr. Cox fight over J.D.'s trust. Elliot uses her breasts to heal numerous patients. Turk tries to stop Carla from opening a gift he gave her: a pen that has been in someone's rectum.
A teenager's parents have arranged a visit from "The Rock" in the hospital, but the boy, Jared, points out that he'd rather see a girl's breasts. J.D. tries to convince Elliot to flash Jared. He then pages Dr. Kelso because a procedure has been scheduled for a patient, Mr. Martinez, even though he is dead.
Dr. Cox finds out and is furious at J.D. because Mr. Martinez's insurance would have paid for a procedure scheduled for Mrs. Blitt, who can't afford it. J.D. still thinks he did the right thing, and Dr. Kelso rewards him with an invitation to play a round of golf in the afternoon.
Elliot decides to fulfill Jared's wish. She later complains that none of her patients are improving, but then Nurse Roberts enters the break room and tells her that Jared is doing much better. Elliot now believes that seeing her breasts helped Jared. She later flashes a coma patient, which results in a major increase in his heart rate.
Turk wants to give Carla a pen, but he doesn't have time to buy one. So he takes one out of the "lost-and-found box," wraps it, and gives it to her. Later, he is shown some X-rays of people who had various objects in their colons. Nurse Roberts tells him that the hospital has an "ass box" where doctors keep the objects found in patients' colons, but there is no lost-and-found box. Turk realizes that the pen he got for Carla was an "ass pen." He tries to get to Carla before she opens the gift, but he is too late.
When J.D. gets to the golf course, he is surprised to find Dr. Cox there as well. Through the course of the game, Dr. Cox tries to convince J.D. that a patient's well-being matters more than the hospital's funds, while Dr. Kelso tries to convince him that the hospital cannot function without money.
Later, Dr. Cox is about to pronounce a patient dead when Elliot rushes into the room and lifts her shirt up. Nothing happens. After a moment of awkward silence, Dr. Cox pronounces the death.
That night, Turk tells Carla the truth about the pen. She is angry at first, but then realizes that Turk values openness and honesty over sex, and she takes him to bed.
J.D. tells Dr. Cox that he agrees with what he tries to do for his patients, and says that he's on board. Cox tells him that he merely went to the golf course to size J.D. up, not to try to convince him to do anything, because he had already found a replacement patient whose insurance could be used to cover Mrs. Blitt's procedure. Dr. Kelso discovers what Dr. Cox did and excoriates him. As they argue, J.D. realizes that the two of them aren't fighting just over patients or insurance, but over J.D.'s soul. Kelso suspends Cox.
- J.D. and a group of men are on Family Feud, and the winning answer to "Things guys want to see more than anything in the whole wide world" is "boobs" (93 of 100).
- Dr. Steadman eats treats from Dr. Kelso and humps his leg.
- J.D. and Dr. Cox play football in the backyard as father and son.
- J.D. jumps up and eats a treat from Dr. Kelso that was meant for Dr. Steadman.
- J.D. wears outlandish golf clothes.
- The hospital is a supermarket, and Dr. Kelso is the cashier. The products are the patients, and if the price is too much for the hospital, they are bagged — in body bags.
- Dr. Cox is Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Dr. Kelso is Darth Vader. They battle with lightsabers. J.D. (Luke Skywalker), Carla and Elliot (Princesses Leia), Turk (Han Solo) and The Janitor (Chewbacca) watch the fight, which is won by Darth Kelso — just like in the original Star Wars film.
J.D.'s Girl Names
- “What in the name of 'Are you there, God, it's me, Margaret' were you thinking?”— Dr. Cox
- “Now, tell me, Margaret, do you have the stones to sink a putt when you have to?”— Dr. Cox
Episode Running Gags
- “Once every 4.2 seconds, a man says something stupid a woman hears and punishes him for it.”— J.D., on saying Turk and Carla slept together
- “Once every 6.3 seconds, a man says something that another man hears and punishes him for it.”— J.D., after saying he was right about telling Kelso about Martinez's death.
- Louie Anderson as Himself
- Matthew Richards as Jared
- Marlena as Mrs. Blitt
- Matt Winston as Jeffrey Steadman
- Gabrielle Allan as Woman #1
- Troy Bishop as College Student
- Patricia Gebhard as Old Woman
- Harmony Lucas as Man #1
- John O'Brien as Man #2
- Ray Spinka as Kindly Old Man
- “Show me boobs!”— Louie Anderson
- “Oh, that's a great anecdote. You should write that down in your journal, then your kids can read about it when you're dead.”— Dr. Kelso
- “Watching his face as I kick his worthless butt up and down this golf course every week is basically... well, it's the most fun I can have without being forced to cuddle afterwards.”— Dr. Cox
- “There's no lost and found box. There's an ass box.”— Laverne
- This episode has the first of many Star Wars references. It parodies the scene in Episode IV: A New Hope in which Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader fight. Each Scrubs character is seen as a Star Wars character.
- We see the first (possible) interaction between Janitor and somebody other than J.D. when Dr. Kelso says, "Ammonia is a little too strong today," while walking out of a patient's room. There are only three other such interactions in Season One: once with Elliot in My Bad, once with a little girl in the reception area in My Own Personal Jesus, and once with Laverne in My Bed Banter & Beyond. The Janitor was originally planned to be a figment of J.D.'s imagination.
- Laverne says there is no lost-and-found box in the hospital, but in My Butterfly, there is a box labeled "Free Stuff" in the custodial closet. However, it is possible that only the Janitor and the rest of the custodial staff know about this box.
- Dr. Cox and Dr. Kelso first appear to be holding smaller, pen-like lightsabers, but when the scene changes, the lightsabers are normal size.
- When Elliot shows her breasts to her patient, she doesn't lift her shirt high enough to actually do so. Also, it can be seen that she is wearing a beige band around her chest.
- During the Family Feud scene on "What guys want to see more than anything in the world," the board reads:
- BOOBS 93
- THE ROCK 4
- BEER SANDWICHES 2
- WORLD PEACE 1
- In the scene where Turk is running to get back the pen he gave to Carla, LeLa Lee (who plays Bonnie Chang) can be seen in blue scrubs, even though she is a surgeon, who wear green scrubs.
- After Dr. Cox yells at J.D. for telling Dr. Kelso that he was using a dead patient's insurance on a patient who didn't have any, he asks, "What in the hell do you want from me?" J.D.'s subsequent fantasy of them playing catch is in the style of Wonder Years.
- When Elliot promises a patient that The Rock will be visiting later, she is referring to former superstar Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.