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My Sacrificial Clam transcript

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The following is a transcript of the Scrubs episode "My Sacrificial Clam".

ActEdit

Sidewalk — Night

Elliot and Sean are exiting where they had their date.

Sean: Do you know what I wanna do to you tonight?

He leans over to whisper in her ear.

Elliot: You...didn't say anything.

Sean: Yeah, I know. It was gonna be really kinky, and I got embarrassed.

Elliot: Really kinky? Was I...a bad girl?

Sean: Very bad. You had to go to the principal's office.

Elliot: Ohhh.

She grabs his lapels and kisses him.

Elliot: Mmm...I have an early shift tomorrow morning -- I've gotta get some sleep.

Sean: You want me to take you home?

Elliot: No. But, if we're gonna pick up a school girl outfit _and_ have sex, we have to leave this minute.

Sean: Yep. Right.

She squeals as he picks her up, throws her over his shoulder, and races home.

J.D.'s Narration: One of the best things about women is that they're so unpredictable. Of course, that can really bite you in the ass.

Cut to...

Turk and J.D.'s Apartment

Turk, J.D., and Carla are gathered in the living room -- J.D. sorting mail in one of the chairs, the couple cuddled on the couch, with Turk eating a doughnut.

Carla: [poking Turk in the belly] Boink. Who's your new friend?

J.D.: [laying an envelope on Turk's belly] Look! It's got a letter!

Carla and J.D. laugh.

Turk: Okay, fine, so I've put on a few pounds. But how would you like it if somebody did this to you?

He reaches his finger out to Carla's tummy.

Carla: Oh, I wouldn't!

Turk: I just don't think it's fair.

Carla: [smirking] It isn't fair. Now eat your doughnut.

Turk: "Eat your doughnut."

J.D.'s Narration: And I was having problems with my lady, too.

Cut to...

Hospital, Exam Room -- The Next Day

J.D. is with a patient. Nurse Roberts brings in a tray of instruments.

Nurse Roberts: Can we get a move on, Q-Tip? I got tickets to "Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk" and I don't want to miss The Noise.

J.D.: [to the patient] Nurse Roberts is gonna take a blood sample so we can check your Hepatitis viral load -- absolutely no big deal.

Nurse Roberts takes the patient's blood. As she's finishing with the syringe, an orderly comes in to deliver something else to the tray and bumps her arm, sending the syringe flying. All watch it spin through the air and come back down, landing point-first in J.D.'s forearm.

J.D.'s Thoughts: [sick with panic] No big deal at all!

J.D.: Could somebody get that?

SceneEdit

OPENING THEME

COMMERCIALS

SceneEdit

Treatment Room

Carla is taking some of J.D.'s blood and bandaging him up.

Carla: Bambi, these tests are gonna come back negative. Believe me, everybody who works in a hospital eventually gets stuck.

J.D.: Thanks for being so nice to me.

Carla: Who wouldn't be nice to you right now?

Dr. Kelso enters, with Ted the Lawyer trailing behind.

Dr. Kelso: Hello! Dr. Dorian, I understand you might need a refresher course in hospital safety. This is a syringe. When filled with infected blood, where is the last place you might want to stick it?

J.D.: In my arm.

Dr. Kelso: Very good, Dr. Dorian!

Lawyer: Ooh, Mr. Sarcastic strikes again!

Dr. Kelso glares at Ted.

Lawyer: For God's sake, sir, just fire me!

Dr. Kelso: Just get him to sign the damn paper!

He leaves, and Ted thrusts some papers in J.D.'s face and hands him a pen.

J.D.: What's this?

Lawyer: If you should develop any symptoms that suggest you may have contracted Hepatitis B, this form simply states the hospital is not responsible.

J.D.: Thanks. That's, uh, that's comforting.

He signs the form and hands it back.

Lawyer: Um, I'm--I'm sure you'll be fine.

He starts to leave, J.D. stops him.

J.D.: Hey, here's your pen.

Ted considers the pen.

Lawyer: Uhhh...keep it.

He leaves.

The Janitor pops up from behind the observation window, holding some sort of makeshift puppet compiled of hospital supplies.

Janitor: [Chopin's "Funeral March"] Bum bum ba-bum bum ba bum bum bum bum bummmmm. [bouncing the puppet] "Gee, is he gonna make it?" Eh, it doesn't look good. [puppet again] "Yay!"

SceneEdit

Elevator / Hall

Elliot arrives for her shift, a little unkempt in the clothes she had on for her date.

Carla: Isn't that what you were wearing when you left last night?

Elliot opens her mouth to explain, but Carla just grins at her and gets in the elevator. Elliot walks on. J.D. is further down the hall.

J.D.'s Narration: Ahhh, the Walk of Shame. All you can really hope for is a supportive friend to help you get through it.

Elliot grins hopefully at J.D. when she reaches him. He immediately launches into a little song and dance.

J.D.: [singing] Elliot got some booty! Some booty! Some what? What? Elliot got some---

Elliot: Stop it!

J.D.: What? It's my "Elliot Got Some Booty" dance.

She gives him a disgusted look and walks on. He tosses his hair mockingly and chases after her.

J.D.: Oh, come on! Elliot, it's not like anybody else knows.

They pass Dr. Cox...

Dr. Cox: What's up, porn star?

And Nurse Roberts...

Nurse Roberts: Somebody toasted that marshmallow!

Elliot spins around to face J.D. and throws her hands up.

Elliot: [to J.D.] Well?

J.D.: [singing and dancing] Somebody got some a-[giggles]-action!

Elliot: Ugh!

J.D.: [singing] She got some aaaction!

He straightens up and joins Elliot in a room I can only guess is a glorified supply closet -- empty but for some vending machines, but definitely not the Doctor's Lounge or adjoining Locker Room -- where she's digging through her bag.

J.D.: Come on...it's funny!

Elliot: I can't find my scrubs top! I must have left it at Sean's.

The camera zooms in on one of the machines.

J.D.'s Narration: The curse of the scrubs machine -- one of the hospital's most annoying money savers. The only way to get clean scrubs out is to put dirty ones in.

J.D.: How can I help?

Elliot: Give me your shirt.

J.D.: How else can I help?

Elliot: Just go!

J.D.: Okay.

He exits.

Elliot strips off her top, leaving her in just the skirt and bra. She tosses the garment into the scrubs machine and fetches the traded clean top.

Before she can slip it on, Dr. Kelso enters behind her.

Elliot: Oh! Um.... Good morning, sir!

Dr. Kelso: And yet another proud day for Dr. Reid. I'd say it can only get better, but we both know that isn't true, right sweetheart?

She hurries in to the top, and manages to get it on backwards.

Elliot: [pitiful] ....Yeah.

SceneEdit

Admissions

Carla and Turk enter (from a lunch break?), hand in hand.

Carla: You know I'm crazy in love with you! Don't tell me you're still obsessing over some stupid joke I made!

Turk: No, I'm not obsessing.

Carla: Good. Beso.

She leans in for a kiss, but he puts his hand up to stop her.

Turk: No, careful. I just might eat you.

Carla: Turk, I see it all the time -- the long hours, the stress eating, no exercise -- there's not a doctor here who's in shape.

Dr. Cox bursts in, shirtless and sweaty.

Dr. Cox: Woo! [laughs cockily] There's nothing better than a good sweat!

He continues through, and Carla watches him appreciatively.

Carla: Mmmm-hmmmm! [giggles]

His pride hurt even more, Turk leaves.

Carla: Turk! It was a joke!

SceneEdit

Semi-Private Patients' Room

J.D. enters with a chart, greeting the men who each occupy one of the four beds.

J.D.: All righty. What do we have here?

Man 1: What you've got here, young man, are four cases of Legionnaires' Pneumonia.

Man 2: So I would start us out on I.V. aminoglycosides.

Man 3: And make sure you check for urinary Legionella antigen.

Man 4: I don't know...it could be viral, considering my gastro-intestinal situation.

Man 3: Here comes the fart joke!

Man 4: No, no, no, really! I think I may have Strep pneumo!

Man 1: All four of us are doctors.

J.D.: Let me guess -- golf cart accident?

J.D. giggles. They all groan.

J.D.: [giggles] Playing.

Man 2: Medical convention.

Man 1: [pointing at J.D.'s bandaged arm] So, junior, what's with the antecubital veinal puncture?

J.D.: Oh, I got hit with the business end of one of my Hep-B patients' syringes last night.

Man 1: I once had a colleague who got bit by a patient with rabies.

J.D.: He's okay, right?

Man 1: No, he died.

Man 3: A friend of mine from med school contracted leprosy. They had to amputate one if his toes -- just [pop] popped it right off!

Man 2: Oh, but Hepatitis! Scary stuff.

J.D.: Well, I'll--I'll be okay.

Man 4: Ohhh...maybe!

J.D.: I, uh, I have to go check on a...thing.

He leaves.

The doctors all give each other a look and laugh.

Man 1: [lifting his juice glass] To interns!

SceneEdit

Elliot's Apartment, Living Room -- Evening

Elliot is at her computer, while Sean lounges on the couch with a magazine.

Elliot: I'm sorry, we cannot have intercourse tonight.

Sean: You've gotta stop calling it that.

Elliot: It's just I'm falling so behind in my reading, and I really---

Sean: Elliot, don't always assume that I want to be fooling around. Sometimes I'm--I'm perfectly happy just being with you and thinking about fooling around.

Elliot: Why can't couples these days just _be_ together? You know?

Sean: Why is it always about sex?

Elliot: Yes! Sean, yes.

Seam: You know, Freud said that ninety percent of all human behavior is motivated by sexual impulses? But, come on. You know, give me some credit. I'd say at least thirty percent of my behavior is motivated by advertising, and the rest by violence in film!

Elliot: For me it's ninety-eight percent getting my dad to love me, two percent chocolate.

She walks over and climbs on the couch with him.

Sean: Aha....

Elliot: Now, you have to stop talking to me so I can get some work done.

They kiss.

Elliot: Say it.

Sean: Intercourse.

Elliot: Oooooohhhhh.

Homework forgotten, Elliot gives him a deeper kiss, and they tumble onto the floor.

SceneEdit

Cafeteria -- The Next Day

Turk and Todd arrive at Dr. Cox's table with their trays.

Todd: Dude! Way to get your burger on!

Dr. Cox: Now, just exactly what in the hell is this?

Turk: I need to talk to you about something.

Todd: So, Dr. Cox, I haven't had the chance to tell you this yet: Your. Name. Rocks!

He holds up his hand for a high-five.

Todd: Come on!

Dr. Cox leaves him hanging.

Dr. Cox: This conversation stops until cabana boy, here, goes.

Todd: He's not the boss of me!

Turk: Todd.

Todd: Cool!

He leaves the table.

Turk grumbles and turns back to Dr. Cox.

Turk: So, how do you do it, man? How do you stay in shape?

Dr. Cox: It's called discipline. Some of us work on our appearance.

Turk: Well, you think it's possible that I could work out with you sometime?

Dr. Cox: [laughs] I don't know about that, stay-puff. I'm not particularly fond of you. Although, it might be fun to see you flail about for a couple of days.

Turk: You know what? Forget about it.

Dr. Cox: Suit yourself, stud. But you see that guy over there?

They look across the room to an overweight guy.

Dr. Cox: That's you in five years.

Dr. Cox whistles softly to direct Turk's attention to an even more overweight guy in another part of the cafeteria.

Dr. Cox: You in ten years.

Dr. Cox: And guess what, he-man? You in twenty.

They look over at a really fat guy.

Turk: I'm in!

SceneEdit

Hall

J.D. hovers outside a door marked "Contagious"

J.D.'s Thoughts: I'm not gonna let those old doctors scare me! John Dorian always gets right back on the horse.

He puts on a mask and enters the room, where a patient is in a bed. Carla, also in a mask, is at the man's bedside.

Carla: I'm so sorry you're alone, Mr. Winston, but meningoccocus is highly contagious.

Mr. Winston: I don't have anyone to talk to.

J.D.: Good news, friend. The doctor is in!

Mr. Winston: I asked for a newspaper, and they gave me a bunch of Judy Bloom books from Pediatrics.

J.D.: I don't know anything about those.

He watches to make sure Carla has thoroughly left before adding:

J.D.: You have to read "Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing" -- completely turned high school around for me!

Cut to...

Hall / Elevator

J.D. is on his way from the meningitis patient.

J.D.'s Thoughts: You see, nobody keeps John Dorian from moving on. Nobody!

The elevator arrives, with the Janitor inside.

J.D. sighs.

Janitor: We've secretly replaced this doctor's blood with Hepatitis blood. Let's see if he notices!

J.D.: You know, I could be really sick here! Could you be nice for once in your life?

As the doors begin to close again, the Janitor gives him an exaggerated grin and thumbs' up.

Janitor: How's that?

Cut to...

I.C.U.

Rounds are about to begin. Elliot is bubbling to fellow intern Dr. Simotes about her relationship.

Elliot: I have not been this happy since...well...ever! [giggles] Don't you think Sean and I are such a great couple?

Dr. Simotes: I don't know who Sean is, and you've never spoken to me before.

Elliot: We just...we just click on every level, you know? God, and the sex! Oh!

Dr. Simotes: Hi, my name is V.J.!

Dr. Kelso: Let's see who's on their game today and start off with a simple case of Pheochromocytoma. What is the initial test of choice, Dr. Reid?

Elliot: 24-hour urinary metanephrine?

Dr. Kelso: Right-o! And what is your pre-operative treatment?

Elliot: ACE inhibitors!

Dr. Kelso: Wrong-o! Why don't you attempt to crawl out of your little shame hole, Dr. Reid, and tell me the etiology of hypercalcemia in sarcoidosis.

Elliot struggles to think.

Dr. Kelso: Gutter ball! Dr. Reid, yesterday you were running around my hospital half naked--

Dr. Simotes: [to self] Yeah, baby.

Dr. Kelso: --today, you're mucking up my rounds! Is your ponytail too tight? Perhaps you have a mild case of the boogie-woogie flu? Something is different; because you, my dear, are slipping. Next patient.

SceneEdit

Parking Lot

Dr. Cox and Turk are preparing to go for a run.

Dr. Cox: The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: "I hate my body."

Turk: What!?

Dr. Cox: Do you understand that the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle!

Turk: You should give speeches to teenage girls!

Carla comes out the front door.

Carla: Baby! I've been looking all over for you!

Dr. Cox: You didn't happen to bring his leash, did you?

Carla: What are you doing down here?

Turk: I'm gonna go for a little run with Dr. Cox.

Carla: But I haven't seen you in forever! We're supposed to go to the park...sorta let you tell me how pretty I am.

Dr. Cox: See ya, chubby.

He takes off like a flash.

Turk: Son of a--!?

Turk: Baby! You're prettier, like, every day!

He dashes off after Dr. Cox.

Carla: [to self] Prettier in the park....

SceneEdit

Hall

J.D. is nervously walking through.

J.D.'s Thoughts: I don't know what it is, but I'm starting to notice something: In this hospital, there are sick people...everywhere!

He watches the various patients around him rubbing their noses and holding hands, coughing openly, etcetera.

J.D.: I'm okay...I'm okay...I'm---

      • Fantasy Sequence: The air turns a sickly green, and the patients look even more diseased. Like zombies out of a horror movie, they close around him.

Dr. Kelso (with Ted in tow) comes up behind J.D., and taps him on the shoulder.

J.D.: Agh! Oh, my G---

Dr. Kelso: You're a jumpy little fellow, aren't you, sport? Well, anyway, your blood tests are negative, so you're fine. And I think I speak for the entire administration when I say, Whoopty-doo. Wrap it up for me, Ned.

He walks off.

Lawyer: [to J.D.] It's Ted.

J.D.: I know.

Lawyer: I know a guy who can take care of him for us.

J.D. stares in horror, but then Ted begins to chuckle. J.D. chuckles a bit, too, but stops when Ted goes on a bit too long. Finally, he becomes serious again.

Lawyer: One phone call.

SceneEdit

Hall -- A Bit Later

J.D. is outside Mr. Winston's room, staring at the "Contagious" sign.

J.D.'s Thoughts: I knew I didn't have Hepatitis! Why did I make myself crazy over nothing? John Dorian is stronger than that.

He stands, frozen.

J.D.'s Thoughts: I said, John Dorian is stronger than that.

Carla passes.

J.D.: Oh, Carla! Could you do me a favor and just give him a follow-up neuro. exam? I am just so swamped right now that it's---

Carla: Sure, Bambi, no problem.

J.D.: 'Kay. Thank you.

She goes in the room.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Aw, John Dorian's a wuss.

SceneEdit

COMMERCIALS

SceneEdit

Hall

Carla and Nurse Roberts are walking through. J.D. catches up with them.

J.D.'s Narration: It really wasn't that hard for me to avoid my contagious guy.

J.D.: Carla, can you recheck Kernig and Brudzinski signs on Mr. Winston?

Carla: And why can't you do it?

J.D.: I would, but I don't got no mojo workin'. Right--with the mojo--- I, um, you know, I have to go lecture some med students on myocardial infarction....

Carla: Oh, right...I think I saw them waiting for you in the "You're full of crap" ward.

She accelerates ahead. J.D. stops, stunned.

Nurse Roberts: [chuckles] Go on.... You know the way.

SceneEdit

Admissions

Elliot's behind the front desk, trying to get some work done.

Sean approaches, with an armload of blue clothing.

Sean: Hey, Elliot!

Elliot: What are you doing here?

Sean: I...I bought you some extra scrubs to keep in your locker, so you never have to work topless again -- unless you start dancing, which, you know, I thought about...and I'm okay with it!

Elliot: Great, so he's thoughtful, too!

She exits the area behind the desk and starts for the hall. He chases after her.

Sean: Are you mad at me?

Elliot: No!

Sean: Oh, 'cause the yelling thing makes it seem like you're mad at me.

Elliot: Oh...you would know. I mean, you're so thoughtful, _and_ handsome, and you would never forget your scrubs!

Sean: No, see, I don't wear scrubs. Although, one time I did lock my car keys in my car, uh, you know, while it was running...

She turns around to look at him.

Sean: ...on a--on a bridge.

Elliot: Look, I have to go.

She continues down the hall.

Sean: [calling after her] Great, so I'll call you later and you--you can explain to me what just happened.

SceneEdit

Suburban Street

Turk is trying to keep up with Dr. Cox on their jog.

Dr. Cox: Hey, don't be embarrassed about staring at my ass. You're only human, baby, and everybody does, anyway.

Cut to...

Hospital, Cafeteria -- At That Moment

Carla sits forlornly by herself.

Ted speaks to her from an adjacent table.

Lawyer: Lonely?

Carla: Yeah, a little.

Back to...

Suburban Street

Turk keeps puffing along.

Turk: [encouraging himself] I'm doing this for someone else.

Dr. Cox: Whatta you say we pick it up, baby?

He races ahead.

Turk: [running out of steam] Yep! Let's pick it up!

SceneEdit

Hall

J.D. walks through, a look of determination on his face.

J.D.'s Thoughts: When someone calls you out like Carla just did, there's only one thing to do: Deal with your fear.

He sees Dr. Cox up ahead and catches up with him.

J.D.: Dr. Cox., heh. Is there any way I can get you to cover Mr. Winston? He's my meningitis patient. Little bit of a personality difference -- I mean, he says "tom-ay-to" and I say--

Dr. Cox shoots him a look.

J.D.: ..."tom-ah-to".

Dr. Cox: Sure.

J.D.: What?

Dr. Cox: I'll take him. You just gotta grab my three gomers in 408.

J.D.: What's wrong with them?

Dr. Cox: [talking down to him] I don't know, Newbie, I'm assuming they're sick.

He enters a room, and J.D. spins around to head back down the hall, coming face to face with the Janitor.

Janitor: Hey, I, uh, thought about what you said before and, um, you're right -- I haven't been that nice.

J.D.: And...?

Janitor: That's it. What, you wanna, uh, go to a ball game tonight and...share a big tub of popcorn!

J.D. rolls his eyes and continues down the hall. The Janitor pulls a couple of tickets out of his pocket and hopefully waves them in the air behind J.D.'s back.

Janitor: That's the last time I reach out. Anybody want to go to a, um... [a nearby staffer looks up] Not you.

SceneEdit

Nurses' Station

The group of sick doctors are out for a little stroll. J.D. comes up to the Station, where Elliot is going over a chart.

J.D.: Doctors!

Doctors: Doctor.

J.D.: I love that!

Elliot: Oh, Dr. Douglas, I got the results back from your fasting lipids, and it looks like your LLD's(?) very elevated, so you may want to start a.... A, um....

Dr. Douglas: HMG-CoA reductase inhibitor?

J.D.: You knew the answer to that.

Elliot: Shut up!

J.D.: What's your problem?

Elliot: This stuff doesn't come as easy to me as it does for you, okay? I study every night, and you know what else I have to do to try and remember all this crap? I tape-record myself saying it, and then I listen to myself over and over. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to hear myself go on and on and on...and on...and on...?

J.D.: No. Oh, come on, I have problems, too!

Elliot: Oh?

J.D.: I traded my meningitis patient -- just traded him, like a baseball card. And you wanna know why? Because I was afraid of him!

She walks down the hall...but he keeps talking.

J.D.: I'm a doctor who's afraid of sick people! You wanna take a picture with me?

He looks over at the doctors, who shake their heads and head back to their room.

J.D.'s Narration: It's a weird feeling when you realize you've lost the respect of four people all at once. But it's nothing compared to losing respect for yourself.

He looks over, and imagines seeing himself shaking his head and walking away.

SceneEdit

Hospital Gym

Turk is pressing some weights while Dr. Cox spots him. Todd is doing his part as cheer leader.

Todd: Push it out, dawg! Two more! Come on, kid! Bitchin' reps!

Dr. Cox: Dumb-ass says what.

Todd: What?

Dr. Cox: I said, "A dumb-ass says what."

Todd: What?

Carla enters.

Carla: You're down here again?

Turk: Twenty!

Dr. Cox puts the weight back in place, and Turk heads over to Carla.

Turk: Hey, baby. You likes?

He flexes for her.

Carla: I miss you.... Maybe tonight we can, you know...rent a movie and then not watch it.

Turk: Baby, we just got started down here.

She's obviously hurt, but tries not to show it.

Carla: No problem. Just don't wake me up if you get home too late. 'Kay?

Turk: Okay....

She leaves.

Todd: Duuuuude! Props for the commitment!

He holds up his hand. Turk gives him the five out of habit.

Turk: I'm out.

Dr. Cox: Aaaaaaaaaand there it is. I knew your ass'd quit.

Turk: Sorry, baby, I got a life.

Dr. Cox: Hey, junior, cry me a river. My dance card is full-up, too.

Turk: How many nights a week are you in here?

Dr. Cox: A few.

Todd: Aw, he's being modest. The Big Dog's down here polishing his guns like every night!

Dr. Cox: That doesn't mean I don't have a life.

Todd: A couple times we even went out for a beer after!

Dr. Cox: Dude.

Turk: You two have fun.

He leaves.

Todd lays back on the bench.

Todd: Yo, Dr. Cox. Can I get a spot?

Dr. Cox: Oh, I'm here for you.

He drops the weight on Todd.

Todd: Oh! Oh, God!

Dr. Cox: I gotta meet someone.

Todd: Big Kahuna! Little help!

SceneEdit

Front Door

Elliot comes out, running into Sean, who holds a bouquet of roses.

Sean: I just...came by to apologize.

Elliot: For what?

Sean: I'm not sure. But, I am, I'm really, really sorry.

Elliot: I should be the one apologizing. I just, I got so buried in work and then I just took it all out on you, you know?

Sean: Well, I'm big on forgiving people who look like they're about to kiss me.

She giggles and kisses him.

Elliot: Ugh, the work never ends, you know? I mean, every day I have to be ready for rounds, I have to take care of patients, I have scut work and research papers due.... Plus I'm starting a new rotation, and if my internship does not got well this year then there's no way I'm getting a good residency next year; and without the residency, there goes my fellowship. And I know that that doesn't leave a lot of time for us. So, on some level, I think that maybe we should make this more casual. But, [grins] come on, I mean, I know I could never be casual with you.... We'd just end up here again, right?

Sean: So, what are you saying?

Elliot: I don't know.

Sean: Then why are you saying it?

Elliot: Oh, my God. I th--...I think I'm saying that I can't make this work right now.

Sean: I've got an idea. Let's just--you know what, let's just go back to the part where you said that you should be the one apologizing, and then we'll kiss again 'cause that was--you know, that was good, and then I'll just, I'll run to my car.

Elliot: Sean, you don't understand how hard it was for me just to get to this point. I mean, if I don't do the very best that I can, I'm gonna hate myself forever.

Sean: What is this obsession with being the best, huh? I mean, what is--what is so bad about being adequate? That's what I do.

Elliot: No.... You don't....

Sean: I know.

Elliot: [sighs] I have to go back in. Um....

She pauses a moment, delaying the inevitable, then heads back.

Sean: All right, I'll--I'm--I'm just gonna stand here and...wait with these flowers, 'cause I think in about two minutes you're gonna realize what a big mistake you're making.

Elliot: I hope so.

She takes one last look at his sad, hopeful face, and goes back in.

SceneEdit

Locker Room

J.D. comes in to find Dr. Cox, who's changing back into his work clothes.

J.D.: I want my meningitis patient back.

Dr. Cox: No. Hey, do you know any women who hate themselves enough to actually date me?

They exit the Lounge and walk out into the hall.

J.D.: Why did you let me switch patients with you?

Dr. Cox: Because you asked me to. Oh, and because of your puppy-dog eyes.

J.D.: No, see, you're full of it -- you knew I was scared, why didn't you just tell me to go in there and deal with it?

Dr. Cox: Well, gosh, Newbie, I don't know what it was about that day. Maybe I hadn't had enough sleep. Maybe my mind was on other things. Maybe I didn't have enough fiber in my diet, and I failed to do my morning business. I don't know what the hell it was, but the bottom line is I didn't feel like spelling it out for you. And I know, I know, you want your little speech, and that's fine because here it is: You're a doctor. You might get sick. Get over it.

J.D.: Thank you. Now, can I have my patient back?

Dr. Cox: No. Because, aside from his weird Judy Bloom obsession, I like him. You will be de-lousing Mr. Schaffer -- guy's like fly-paper!

He gets into the elevator.

J.D.: Fantastic.

Dr. Cox: Oh, and, Belinda? D'you know what else is real contagious?

Shawn Mullins' "All In My Head" kicks in.

Dr. Cox: A big ol' smile!

The door closes on Dr. Cox's exaggeratedly happy face.

J.D. pastes a smile on his own face, and walks down the hall.

J.D.'s Narration: You know, when you start med school they warn you that you're gonna have to make sacrifices.... But I guess that means different things to different people.

Hospital Entrance: Elliot exits on her way home. Scattered along the wheelchair ramp are the sad remnants of Sean's bouquet.

J.D.'s Narration: Like giving up something you really want now for something you've wanted your whole life.

Turk and J.D.'s Apartment: Carla and Turk are cuddled on the couch. She smiles as she watches him eat a doughnut.

J.D.'s Narration: Or spending less time on yourself so you can spend time with someone you really love.

Mr. Winston's Room: J.D. faces the "Contagious" sign.

J.D.'s Narration: At some point, you might even have to give up your own sense of safety and well-being.

J.D. puts on a mask and heads in.

J.D.'s Narration: But after a while, it doesn't feel like you're giving up anything at all.

Mr. Winston: Hey, Doc.

J.D.: You know what? Let's talk "Super Fudge."

He picks up one of the Judy Bloom books, and pulls up a chair. Mr. Winston gratefully listens to J.D. as the song fades.

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