The following is a transcript of the Scrubs episode "My Philosophy".
Act[]
Turk and J.D.'s Apartment
J.D. is on the couch watching TV. Turk comes up behind him.
J.D.'s Narration: Let's face it, most days start like any other. But some days....
Turk flips open a ring box next to J.D.'s face, displaying a diamond ring.
Turk: Well...?
J.D.: Ohh! It's beautiful! But my parents'll kill me if I marry a black guy.
Turk flips the box closed. J.D. laughs and gets up off the couch.
J.D.: So, you're gonna ask Carla?
Turk comes around the couch to face him.
Turk: I'm doin' it.
J.D.: Okay, ready?
He slaps Turk in the face.
J.D.: You sure?
Turk: Positive.
They laugh happily and hug.
J.D.: Congratulations! So, when are you gonna ask her?
They flop back onto the couch.
Turk: Tonight -- I'm gonna make her a nice dinner, then I'm gonna put the ring in her champagne glass.
J.D.: You might as well put it in her cham-lame glass.
Turk: Okay, Mr. Know-It-All, what would you do?
J.D.: Okay, first you gotta get, like, fifty candles, right?
Turk: Mm-hmm?
J.D.: You spread 'em all over the room with some rose petals....
Turk: That's right, because the roses are beautiful, and they make the room smell amazing.
J.D.: Like a meadow in springtime.
Turk: Mmm.
Carla comes in from the bedroom.
Carla: What are you guys talking about?
Turk: Nothing, guy talk!
J.D.: Yeah, bitches and hos.
Cut to...
Hospital -- Locker Area
Elliot has her head buried in her locker as J.D. stands nearby.
J.D.: C'mon, hurry up.
Elliot: I just have to get changed.
She looks up and comes face-to-crotch with Todd. Her eyes widen in horror.
Todd: Have you two met?
Elliot: Todd, you're overcompensating, you're gay, and you need to be okay with it.
Todd: Oh yeah? If I'm "gay," how come I work out so much?
Satisfied he's made his point (woo, in more ways than one), he walks away from her.
J.D.'s Thoughts: It's tough to be a woman in a co-ed locker room.
Elliot faces the bank of lockers as she pulls open the snaps of her blouse.
***Fantasy Sequence: The room instantly dims and a giant spotlight falls on Elliot. She spins around, suddenly decked out in a hot little burlesque costume, complete with two enormous feather fans.
Seated before her are all the men of the locker room, waiting to see the show. There are murmured cat-calls.
J.D. sneaks over to her.
J.D.: [whispering] Dance! They want you to dance!
Swanky music comes up and the crowd of guys -- Todd in the front seat with a stogie -- begins to cheer.
Elliot nervously shakes her feathers and jerks off a glove which she tosses to the audience. At their cheers, she becomes more confident, groping and gyrating to a sultry version of "At Last" performed by Keren DeBerg.
To end the dance, she lassos J.D. with her feather boa and pulls his face into her cleavage. The fantasy ends with the crowd going wild, and Elliot thanking them with a pucker and a wink.
****
In the real world, Elliot isn't quite as accommodating.
Elliot: Um.... Maybe I should just change in the bathroom.
She scoops up her scrubs and flees the room.
Scene[]
Turk and J.D.'s Apartment -- Evening
Turk and Carla have finished their romantic dinner. She's clearing the dishes as he secretly pours two glasses of champagne.
Turk: Honey?
Carla: Hm?
Turk: Uh, do you want some champagne?
Carla: Actually, I'm just gonna stay with coffee.
Turk: Okay. Coffee it is. For my baby!
He plops her ring into her mug of coffee.
Carla: Oh, what the hell, I'll have some champagne.
Turk: Okay.
He steels himself, then plunges his hand into the hot mug to retrieve the ring.
Turk: Hohhhhhhht!
Carla: Are you okay?
He blows at his fingers, but recovers well. He drops the ring into the glass of champagne and turns to her, a glass in each hand.
Turk: I'm absolutely fine, Honey. Because I am here with you.
The phone rings. Carla answers.
Carla: [into phone] Hello? ... Mommy! Why are you calling so late? ... Uh-huh? ... Uh-huh. ...
Frustrated, Turk puts the glasses down on the counter between them. He rolls his eyes, then makes a yakking puppet with his hand to mimic Carla's mother.
Carla: [into phone] She's dead!?
Turk awkwardly kills his puppet.
Carla: [into phone] Yeah, yeah, I'll be right over!
She hangs up the phone.
Carla: My Aunt Marie's dead! She's only sixty!
Turk hefts the glasses.
Turk: To one hell of a lady! Huh?
He clinks them together.
Carla: [in shock] What?
He drops the glasses back onto the counter.
Turk: You should be with your mom right now.
Carla: Ye--Thank you, Baby.
Still in great shock, she leans over the counter and gives him a kiss. She then picks up the glasses and dumps the contents -- champagne and, yes, all -- down the sink.
Turk stares at the drain in horror.
Carla: [on her way out the door] Stay out of trouble!
Turk whimpers his agreement as she exits, then turns his attention back to the drain. He dives across the counter and falls off on the other side.
Turk: [out of view] Ow.
Act[]
Hospital -- I.C.U. -- Nurses' Station
Carla is leaned over the desk, talking to Nurse Roberts.
Carla: So, anyway, Laverne, I have to fly out late for the funeral tonight, and I'm gonna need your help covering my shifts.
Nurse Roberts: Anything for you, honey.
Carla: Thanks, mama.
She goes about her work.
J.D. comes up to the desk.
J.D.: Hey, Laverne, can I borrow a nickel so I can get a soda?
Nurse Roberts: Sorry, this window's closed! By the way, Elaine's back.
She nods towards the nearby room where a petite blonde is sitting in a bed.
J.D.'s Narration: Elaine's been on top of the heart transplant list so long, she's in and out of this hospital almost as much as I am.
J.D. enters the room.
J.D.: Hey, homeslice, we talked about this -- you don't get into bed until I come here so I can see your bootay.
Elaine: If I finally get a damn heart, I'll let you eat ice cream off it!
J.D.: You are naughty!
Elaine: Ugh. You know, it always feels so weird to be sitting around hoping someone's family pulls them off life support.
J.D. sits on the edge of her bed.
J.D.: I honestly believe, in hospitals...there's like this...balance. You know? It's like, when one person dies, another person gets a chance to live. I like to call it The Circle of Life.
Dr. Cox overhears this and enters the doorway.
Dr. Cox: Oh, my God! You must stop watching 'The Lion king'!
J.D.: I like that baby lion cub. What's his name...?
Dr. Cox: ..."Simba"...?
J.D.: Trick question! You like it, too! [laughs]
Dr. Cox: Oh, you girls! Excuse me, Elaine, I actually need his opinion on something.
Cut to...
A Patient's Room
The two doctors stand before the bed of a young woman with a large abdomen.
J.D.: I'd say she's pregnant.
Dr. Cox: Just a terrific catch, there, Newbie. Listen to her heart, will ya? I heard mitral stenosis and I need an extra set of ears, let's go.
J.D. readies his stethoscope.
J.D.: It's kinda flattering that you'd choose me.
Dr. Cox: Ears, Newbie, ears! Not mouth.
Scene[]
Ted The Lawyer's Office
Dr. Kelso enters.
Dr. Kelso: Uh, Ted. Dr. Koppelman has notified me that he will be vacating the office next to mine. His deteriorating health has made it impossible for him to continue on with us.
Lawyer: Oh, dear. Should we send him a card?
Dr. Kelso: Absolutely! See if you can find one that says, "Crippling arthritis or not, I want you out of my hospital by sun-down so I can knock down your wall and make myself a giant office!"
Lawyer: You're a wonderful man.
Dr. Kelso: [looking around] You know, Ted, I don't mean to sound insensitive, but a man's office is a reflection of who he is; don't you think?
A drop of water falls from a leak in the ceiling just over Ted's head. Another drop falls. He pulls off his clip-on tie and wipes away the moisture.
Lawyer: Yeah.
Scene[]
Semi-Private Patient's Room
Turk is holding his hand under the chin of a rotund little boy who looks up at him resolutely.
Turk: Ralphie, spit it out. Spit it out! Come on, come on.
The boy finally opens his mouth and pushes a wet, rumpled rubber glove into Turk's palm.
Turk: [disgusted] Augh.
He makes an attempt to save the glove and put it on.
Turk: Dude, why eat medical supplies when you've got pudding and tater-tots? It makes no sense!
J.D. Enters.
J.D.: Hey. Get the ring back?
Turk pulls the box out of his pocket.
Turk: Did I? Get the? Ring back? Dude -- I'm back.
J.D. laughs.
Turk sets the ring box on the table. Ralphie eyes it with delight.
Turk: Okay? Now, I got it all set up: She's going out of town for like a week, right? So I got somebody to cover for me tonight.
Ralphie grabs the ring and sticks it in his mouth.
Turk: I'm gonna take her to a nice restaurant---
He notices the ring is gone. He looks at a somewhat smug Ralphie.
Turk: You gotta open your---
He jerks the boy's mouth open and peers inside.
Turk: Oh, you're killing me, Ralphie! You are killin--- No, you did NOT just swallow that thing! Yeah!
Scene[]
Ted's Office
Dr. Kelso is still there.
Elliot enters.
Elliot: Dr. Kelso. I am through taking my clothes off in front of men!
Dr. Kelso: I think I can speak for all of us when I say: We'll live.
Elliot: Every woman here hates the fact that they've gotta get undressed in a co-ed locker room. Except for Naked Nancy, but, I mean, she's an exhibitionist and she's got a whole other set of problems.
Lawyer: We have a co-ed locker room? [to self] Hot damn!
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, if you really feel the need to discuss it, just write it out on a piece of paper and slip it in my suggestion box.
Elliot: Really?
Dr. Kelso: Yeah! Ted! Show it to her.
He walks out.
Ted picks up his trash can and holds it up to Elliot.
Lawyer: Sorry.
Elliot: It's okay.
Ted coolly starts clipping his tie back on.
Lawyer: So, uh...this locker room.... Do you have to be a doctor to change in there, or what?
Scene[]
Admissions
The Janitor is leaning on the front desk, trying to write something with an empty pen.
J.D. passes through.
Janitor: [to the nurse] Can I borrow a pen?
J.D. comes back, offering his pen.
J.D.: Here! Take this one!
Janitor: Thanks.
He goes back to his writing.
J.D.: See? We don't always have to be like, [knocks his fists together] "Bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh." We could be like, [puppets his fists harmoniously] "Hey! How ya doin'! I'm good, thanks!" This can work, you know? We can--can be there for each other.
Janitor: It's just a pen, Scooter, not a kidney.
J.D. sighs.
Janitor: Thanks.
He offers the pen back.
J.D.: No. You keep it.
Janitor: Really?
J.D. nods and walks away with a smile.
The Janitor pops the pen into his breast pocket.
Janitor: Makes me look smarter. Yeah. Off to scrub the crappers.
Scene[]
Private Patient's Room
J.D. and Dr. Cox are with the pregnant woman. Her husband is by her side, clutching her hand.
Dr. Cox: So, here's the deal Mrs. Larkin: You have a valvular defect in your heart.
Mr. Larkin: [freaking out] Oh, God!
Mrs. Larkin: Relax, Steve. [to the docs] He's a worrier.
J.D.: Me too. I'm a worrier.
Dr. Cox gives J.D. a dirty look then gets back to the business at hand.
Dr. Cox: The thing is---
Mr. Larkin: [panicking more] Ah, here it comes.
Dr. Cox: The thing is that pregnancy puts such an extra strain on your heart that, had we known about this condition beforehand, we would have strongly suggested you think twice about even getting pregnant before getting the valve repaired.
Mrs. Larkin: I would've done it anyways!
Dr. Cox: Yeah, you would've. You got a healthy supply of pluck about you, don't ya.
Mr. Larkin: [practically in tears] I can't breathe!
Mrs. Larkin: [patting his hand] You're okay. [to Dr. Cox] Let's do this!
Dr. Cox: Love the pluck.
He and J.D. leave.
Scene[]
Locker Room
Elliot and another girl are trying to change without actually baring any skin in the room full of milling, mostly naked guys.
Elliot: How could any woman possibly stand this?
A strategically filmed nude woman gets an item off the shelf next to her.
Elliot: Hey, Nancy.
Nancy makes her way through the room, waving and smiling at the guys. She passes by the gawking Lawyer, who turns and accidentally slams into a nearby locker.
Lawyer: Oh!
Scene[]
Nurses' Station (?)
Turk has Ralphie sitting on the desk.
Turk: You've had six bran muffins, Ralphie; how is it that you don't have to go yet?
Carla comes up to them.
Carla: Turk? I still have to pack tonight. Are you sure you want to have dinner?
He takes her in his arms.
Turk: I am positive.
He gives her a kiss.
Carla: Okay.
Turk: Okay?
He lets her go.
Carla: See you later.
Turk: All right.
Carla: [to Ralphie] Hey, cutie!
She exits. Turk makes sure she's clear and gets back to business.
Turk: All right, Ralphie, new tack: I want you to do what I do, okay? I want you to imagine that there are tiny men inside your booty, trying to push the dookie. Push the dookie out, Ralphie! Can you imagine that for me?
Cut to...
Admissions
Ralphie hides behind his father, a very imposing presence, who talks to Turk.
Ralphie's Dad: You told my son there were little men inside him?! He barely sleeps as it is!
Turk: Sir, I'm sorry, I was wrong.
Ralphie's Dad: That was sick!
Turk: But still, if you could do this for me, I would greatly appreciate it: The next time your son has a bowel movement, take the dookie, put it in a ziplock bag, and just call me on my cell phone.
The man looks at him in shock.
Turk: ...It's for my girlfriend.
Ralphie's dad grunts in disgust and leads his son out.
Turk takes one last opportunity to get his message across to the boy.
Turk: [making pushing motions] Hey, Ralphie! Little men! Pushin' it out! Pushin' it out!
Scene[]
Hall
Dr. Cox and J.D. are walking through.
J.D.: That Mrs. Larkin's an aggressive lady. She wouldn't even let her husband finish a sentence---
Dr. Cox: Oh, shut the hell up, would you please? At least she's ballsy, unlike that husband who's the overly thoughtful, sensitive type that drive me crazy.
J.D. grins at him.
Dr. Cox: What?
J.D.: Nah, I just, I think the Larkins compliment each other -- they're a good team. Kinda remind me of us.
Dr. Cox: Roseanne, now, granted, I was as usual only halfway listening to you, but I got the sinking feeling you just compared us to a married couple. I know, I know, a girl can dream, but...this is never gonna happen. Get in here!
They enter...
The Larkins' Room
Mrs. Larkin is unconscious on the bed, her heart monitor beeping.
Nurse Roberts attends her. The husband is not currently present.
Nurse Roberts: She went into atrial fibrillation.
Dr. Cox jumps to action.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, call an OB-GYN for an emergency consult and notify the NICU.
A cup of food in hand, Mr. Larkin enters the room.
Mr. Larkin: What the hell is going on?
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes it's hard to find the right words.
Cut to...
Dr. Kelso's Office
Dr. Kelso is explaining his plans to Ted, who stands in the doorway.
Dr. Kelso: Once I knock down this wall, right here, I'm going to have more room than I know what to do with!
Lawyer: Sir, I'm so happy for you I could crap.
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes, words come easy.
Elliot enters the office, a look of determination on her face.
Elliot: Dr. Kelso, I _demand_ a female locker room.
Cut to...
A Fancy Restaurant
Carla and Turk are finishing their meal.
Carla: I loved it, but, why spend all this money on this fancy dinner?
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes, the words don't come out at all.
Turk desperately checks his cell phone. Nothing.
Turk: [covering with a smile] No reason.
J.D.'s Narration: But, ultimately, you have to grit your teeth and just say it.
Cut back to...
The Larkins' Room
Dr. Cox: We don't deliver this baby, your wife could die.
Mr. Larkin rushes to his wife's side.
J.D.'s Narration: You see, as a doctor, you get used to the whole balance in the hospital thing. You know, when one person lives, another dies, and how it always seems to even out...
Mr. Larkin: But it's so soon! You said so, yourself. What's gonna happen to the baby?
Dr. Cox: We're gonna do our best.
J.D.'s Narration: ...but it never seems fair when it happens in the same family.
Act[]
The Larkins' Room
The scene resumes.
Mr. Larkin: So, you're telling me if we don't deliver the baby now, my wife could die. And if we do, our child probably won't live.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Sometimes, as a doctor, I wish my life was more like my favorite TV show.
***Fantasy Sequence: The scene is the same, but J.D. suddenly gets a stupid smile on his face as he speaks to Mr. Larkin.
J.D.: Oh, come on, death isn't that bad. Especially if you're dying from laughter -- you're on 'Candid Camera'!
The whole room busts into outrageous laughter, except for Mr. Larkin, who is bewildered.
Mr. Larkin: No, I'm not!
Mrs. Larkin sits up and strips off her oxygen mask, joining in the giggles.
Mr. Larkin: Honey no!
Dr. Cox: Oh, I'll give you "honey, no"s! Come on out here!
He lifts the edge of the blanket on the bed, and a camera man pops out.
Mr. Larkin: Where are the cameras?!
J.D.: We got ya! [pointing] A camera there, [pointing another direction] there, [pointing at our camera] and there!
****
Dr. Cox: Mr. Larkin, we need a decision from you, here.
Mr. Larkin: I'm not ready to do this.
Flustered, he exits the room.
Dr. Cox: [to J.D.] You go, I'll cover her.
J.D. follows after the man.
Scene[]
Dr. Kelso's Office
Elliot stands in the doorway with Ted, facing Dr. Kelso.
Elliot: Dr. Kelso, I am not leaving here until I get an answer. [blows her hair out of her eye]
Dr. Kelso: Sweetheart, there are lots of people who think the hospital would be a better place if we made some changes. Take Ted, for instance!
Lawyer: Uhh.... I feel I'd be more productive if my phone dialed out.
Dr. Kelso: This hospital has always had a co-ed locker room. Ahhh, back when I was a resident, I remember blah-blah-blah, nostalgic story. Now get the hell out of my office!
Startled, the Lawyer begins to leave.
Dr. Kelso: Not you, Ted.
Elliot reluctantly goes.
The Lawyer stands there uncomfortably as Dr. Kelso begins to read some paperwork. After a moment, he doesn't even look up to bark...
Dr. Kelso: Ted, get the hell out of my office!
Lawyer: Oh, thank God.
He flees.
Scene[]
Admissions
Turk has Carla in his arms. She's dressed to leave.
They kiss.
Turk: I'm gonna miss you so much.
Carla: I'm only going to Chicago for five days. I'll call you when I land.
She picks up her bag and heads out the door.
Carla: See ya.
Turk: Baby, don't go.
J.D. comes in the door just as Carla is heading out.
J.D.: Have you seen Mr. Larkin?
Carla: Uh, no.
She continues out.
J.D. is stopped by the Janitor.
Janitor: Thanks for the pen.
He's got the pen in his hand, ink all over his fingers.
J.D.: Oh, no.
Janitor: Yeah.
He holds his uniform shirt up, a large blue stain marks the front of his t-shirt underneath.
Janitor: That's my favorite t-shirt.
He pulls up the t-shirt.... More blue ink on his chest.
Janitor: And this...my favorite skin!
J.D. backs away from him, but every step he takes, the Janitor follows.
J.D.: Well, you know that I would never mean for that to happen. You know that, right?
Janitor: Yeah! I know that.
Finally, The Janitor's got J.D. backed against a wall.
J.D.: Okay, this is a little cozy for me.
Janitor: Is it?
He pushes his hand in J.D.'s face.
Cut to...
Cafeteria
J.D. is talking to Mr. Larkin
Mr. Larkin: I don't think you people are getting how difficult this is.
When we see J.D., he's got a smudged blue mustache drawn on his lip.
J.D.: Trust me, I wouldn't want to have to make this decision.
Mr. Larkin: I wish I could ask my wife. She'd be better at handling this than me.
J.D.: You know, you and I are a lot alike. We may seem like the kind of guy you can just, you know, throw in a head-lock and draw a mustache on...but, in crunch time, we always come through.
The words hit home for Mr. Larkin.
J.D.: It's time. Come on.
They get up from the table.
Scene[]
Nurses' Station
Elliot, dressed in slacks and a sweater, is writing in a chart. Dr. Kelso (with Ted in tow) stops to address her.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, are you off for the day?
Elliot: Oh! I just didn't have a place to change....
Nurse Roberts, also casually dressed, comes up behind Dr. Kelso.
Nurse Roberts: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kelso: Laverne, I'm going to pretend you're not wearing that.
Nurse Roberts: Don't you usually wait 'till you get home before you do that?
Elliot: Plus, according to county statue, all medical facilities in this region are required to provide single-sex bathrooms and change-rooms for their employees. Put that in your suggestion box and smoke it!
She turns on her heel and goes about her work.
Dr. Kelso: Dammit. Where'd she learn all that legal mumbo-jumbo?
Ted stares off in the distance and makes an attempt at whistling.
Dr. Kelso: What are you doing, Ted!?
Lawyer: I'm trying to whistle...? You know, so you wouldn't think it was me.
Scene[]
Hospital Exterior
Turk races to a departing taxi cab.
Turk: Stop the cab! Whoa! [beating on the window] Hey! Open the door! Baby, open the door! Open the damn door!
Carla calls to him from her seat on the steps.
Carla: Turk! What are you doing?
The cab's window finally does open, and a handbag is held out to Turk.
Old Lady: [out of view] Take it.
Turk: Sorry, ma'am. My bad.
He turns to Carla, and the cab leaves.
Carla: What is going on?
Turk: I gotta ask you something before you go.
Carla: What?
Cut to...
Hall
Mr. Larkin comforts his wife as she's wheeled off to deliver. Dr. Cox and J.D. follow behind.
Mr. Larkin: You're doing great. You're gonna be fine.
Dr. Cox: Nice job, Newbie. That's a real nice job. What we gotta do now is cross our fingers.
J.D.'s Narration: Death is always hanging around this hospital.
***Fantasy Shot: J.D. looks over at the Nurses' Station, where the Grim Reaper stands behind a few staffers, a cup of coffee in hand.
Death: Morning.
Death gives a guy a friendly pat on the back; the guy goes down instantly.
****
J.D.'s Narration: Ultimately, it all boils down to what your attitude is about it.
Cut to...
Elaine's Room
J.D. is sitting on the edge of her bed again. Dr. Cox is checking her monitors.
Elaine: [to J.D.] I'm not afraid of death. I mean, if I got a heart, that would be great. Still, if they told me it was never gonna happen, I think that'd be okay, too. It's the _waiting_ I can't take. I just wanna know one way or the other, you know?
Dr. Cox: I got an idea: Why don't we switch to a cheerier subject!
J.D. ignores his request.
J.D.: What do you think death is like?
Elaine: I really hope it's like a big Broadway musical. Everyone's all dressed up and singing to the rafters, and you go out with a real flourish.
J.D.: I think it's like a game of dodge-ball.
She laughs at the idea.
J.D.: There's a lot of chaos and screaming, and...you know...eventually you get your glasses snapped in half by the big kid who already has underarm hair. But then you wake up in the hot nurse's office, and when she leans in to put that bandage on your nose, you get a sense that something could actually happen if you just took a chance and buried your face in her knockers.
Dr. Cox shakes his head wildly to recover.
Dr. Cox: Holy cow. I'm so sorry. I guess, for my part, I think death is a lot like that story, quite frankly. But, if there is a God, it'll be a lot quicker and half as painful.
He leaves.
Elaine grins at J.D.
Elaine: It's fun to annoy him!
J.D.: It's what I do.
Scene[]
Hall
Ted and Dr. Kelso stand.
Lawyer: So, I hear they're making that office into the ladies' locker room, huh?
Dr. Kelso: Yes, Ted.
Lawyer: Bummer!
Elliot passes the two of them, giving Kelso a happy little wave.
As she gets further down the hall, she blows Ted a kiss. He snatches it and puts it in his jacket pocket. Dr. Kelso scowls at him.
Lawyer: We--hey, maybe whoever's over here might not stay there forever!
Cut to...
The Opposite Office
Dr. Kelso and Ted stand at the desk of a young female doctor.
Doctor: Well, I'm here doing a research fellowship, so I'll be anywhere from fifteen to twenty-five years!
Lawyer: That's a long time.
Doctor: Yeah!
Lawyer: [to Dr. Kelso] You'll probably be dead!
Scene[]
Hospital Exterior
Turk and Carla stand on the steps.
A cab pulls to the curb.
Turk: So, um, we've known each other for, like, a year and a half, right?
Carla: Turk. That's my ride.
Turk: Yeah, I know, just give me a second. Just give me a second, okay? I've been thinking a lot lately.
The cabbie beeps.
Turk: I'm talkin' here!
Carla: Turk, I'm--I'm gonna miss my flight. I gotta go, Honey, I'm sorry.
She rushes down the steps towards her cab.
Turk: Will you marry me?
She whirls around to look at him.
Carla: What did you say?
Turk: [suddenly breathless] I think I said, Will you marry me?
Carla: Turk, wow!
Turk: [grinning] I got a ring. Um.... I don't have it on me, but, uh...it's in a safe place.
She comes up the steps to face him again.
Carla: I can't believe this! I--- I've imagined you saying this to me like a thousand times.... I just never imagined that when you actually asked, all I would say is...I need to think.
Turk: [he smiles to cover his disappointment] Cool! Uh.... Yeah, whew! That's--that's--that's--that's what I was hoping to hear!
Carla: I love you. I really do.
She kisses him.
Turk: Love you, too.
She hurries back down to her cab.
Carla: I'll be back in a few days.
She gets in and rides off. Turk leans on the handrail, crushed and confused.
Turk: [to self] I'll wait.
Scene[]
The Larkins' Room
J.D. watches the couple coo over their baby.
J.D.: Congratulations, you guys. He's doing great.
He exits the room and walks down the hall, happiness evident on his face.
J.D.'s Thoughts: I guess sometimes my whole theory about life and death balancing each other out in the hospital doesn't hold true. I guess sometimes you get lucky.
Nurse Roberts pushes past him as she rushes through the hall.
J.D.: What's going on?
Nurse Roberts: She's coding!
J.D. follows after her to Elaine's room, where Dr. Cox and other staff are desperately working on the woman who lies unconscious on her bed, her heart monitor beeping wildly.
J.D. stands at the doorway, taking in the scene with sadness and disbelief.
***Fantasy Sequence: The lights in the room go down and Elaine, dressed in a lovely scarlet gown, stands next to her bed, bathed in the glow of a theatrical spotlight.
With simple acoustic guitar accompaniment, she begins Colin Hay's "Waiting for My Real Life to Begin"
Elaine: [singing] "Any minute now, my ship is coming in / I'll keep checking the horizon / I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crash in."
She walks past J.D. into the hall.
Outside the hospital, still leaning on the handrail, Turk is also in the dark, the only light shining on him being that of a spotlight. He continues:
Turk: [singing] "Come crashing down, down, down / On me."
In the hall, the Janitor comes up next to J.D. and sings:
Janitor: "And you say, 'Be still, my love'"
Bathed in spotlight, Carla throws her bag on her shoulder, and walks to her destination singing:
Carla: "Open up your heart, let the light shine in."
The chorus is sung by Ted, Dr. Kelso, and the female doctor in her office:
Lawyer / Doctor / Dr. Kelso: "Don't you understand, I already have a plan / I'm waiting for my real life to begin."
At "I already have a plan", Ted throws his arm around the doctor.
Now all stand before J.D. at the center of the I.C.U.
Elaine: "My real life to begin"
(in counterpart)
Lawyer / Doctor / Dr. Kelso: "Oh, oh, oh, don't you understand"
Elaine: "I already have a plan."
All: "I'm waiting for my real life to begin."
Elaine: "On a clear day, I can see....."
All: [harmony] "See......."
The note is held as Elaine walks back to her room.
Elaine: "See a very long way."
****
The lights come back up, and the music fades into the shrill sound of Elaine's flat-lined heart monitor. With disappointment, Dr. Cox drops the defibrillator paddles into the tray. He walks out the door, stopping next to J.D.
Dr. Cox: She's gone. You gonna be okay?
Tears well up in J.D.'s eyes as he stares at his lost friend.
J.D.: ....Yeah.
Fade to black.