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3x1 Carla JD Turk

The following is a transcript of the Scrubs episode "My Own American Girl".

ActEdit

HOSPITAL EXTERIOR -- DAY J.D. is standing out in the parking lot, about to go into work.

J.D.'s Narration: Before I go into that building and start my day, I always like to take a quiet moment to prepare myself.

He turns on his iPod.

J.D.: [singing along to the music in his ears] Bump-ba-bump-ba-bump, ba-bump, bump; bump, bump, bump. "Well I guess it would be nice / if I could touch your body" -- [to a passing man] not you, sir -- "I know not everybody / has got a body like you / Owwwwwwwww / But I...."

Turk has come up to him and is giving him an impatient look.

Turk: Dude, what's the rule about white boys dancing in public?

J.D.: Not allowed unless you're gay.

Just then, a white guy prances through, doing some impressive dancing.

J.D. & Turk: Morning, Steven.

J.D.: Fine. Then I'll just put on something that rocks!

He hits a button on the iPod, and U2's "Beautiful Day" blares. J.D. and Turk head into the building.

Cut to... HOSPITAL INTERIOR

J.D.'s Narration: As a third-year resident, you know everyone so well you can practically speak for them. For instance....

J.D.'s Thoughts: [speaking for Turk] Remember: No more dancing.

Turk smacks Carla's rear as he passes her.

J.D.'s Thoughts: [speaking for Turk] Pow!

J.D.'s Thoughts: [speaking for Carla] Good morning, Bambi. Sign this, please?

J.D. signs the chart and continues on, where he passes the Janitor standing in the doorway to ADMISSIONS.

J.D.'s Thoughts: [speaking for the Janitor] Who you eyeballing, tough guy?

J.D.'s Narration: And of course....

J.D. stops in front of Dr. Cox.

J.D.'s Thoughts: [speaking for Dr. Cox ] Well, Zsa Zsa. Now you've put me in quite the pickle. You see, with those earphones on, you can't hear me; but! the odds are highly against you cracking open that yapper and annoying me today. So, what to do? What to do? What to do? Ahh, hell--

Cox reaches over and jerks out J.D.'s earphones. The music is gone.

Dr. Cox: Stop addressing me as "Dr. Cox" in front of your patients. When they find out my actual name, they tend to page me with questions when they realize just exactly how inept you really are. Oh, and as an added safety measure, from now on, I'll only be responding to "Doc," "Doctor," "Ceasar," or "The Big Cheese;" and noooo, I'm _not_ joking. [waves his hands] Not _now_ -- [waves in the other direction] not ever.

He shoulder checks J.D. as he leaves.

J.D.'s Narration: See, things never really change around here.

Cut to... PARKING LOT -- BASKETBALL HOOP There's a basketball game going.

J.D.'s Narration: ...Surgical and Medical still play each other in basketball.

A big black guy in a green scrub top has the ball, staring down J.D. who's blocking him.

Surgeon: I'm gonna toast you so bad, your momma ain't even gonna recognize you!

J.D.: Yeah? Well I heard that your sister started drinking again!

Everyone on the court freezes in shock. The guy's expression turns to anguish and he drops the ball, turning to Turk who takes him in his arms.

J.D.'s Narration: I'm still not great at smack-talk.

J.D.: So, it's not supposed to be true?

Turk: [whispering] No. [comforting the weeping guy] Ohhh, let it pour, big guy.

J.D.'s Narration: And Elliot was still searching for something to turn things around for her.

Cut to... PARKING LOT -- FRONT ENTRANCE Elliot is standing in front of a new car, the passenger door open for her inspection. The delivery guy stands before her.

Elliot: Oh, my God! Isn't she beautiful! I mean, this car has totally maxed out my credit, but my self-esteem's been so low lately that I think it's worth it. Don't you?

Delivery Guy: I just deliver the cars. She's all yours.

He tosses her the keys. Just then, another car passes, ripping the open door off.

Elliot: Frick!

J.D.'s Narration: But really, the only difference is that by the third year, nothing catches you by surprise.

Cut to... HOSPITAL INTERIOR -- ICU J.D. races through, sliding under a gurney as it's pushed in front of the doorway of the room he's entering. Carla is there at the bed of the patient.

Carla: Mrs. Farr is still having acute abdominal pain.

Mrs. Farr: So, what's wrong with me, doctor?

J.D.'s Thoughts: Oh, good Lord, I have no idea. Okay, don't panic, just do what all doctors do in this situation and fake a page.

He fiddles with his pager. It begins beeping.

J.D.: Uh-oh. Got a Code 3 down the hall.

Mrs. Farr: What's that?

J.D.: Uhhh, Code 3? Not as bad as a Code 4, but a hell of a lot worse than a Code 2.

He backs out of the room, tripping over the gurney he forgot was still at the door.

Carla: [to Mrs. Farr] _That's_ a Code 2.

ActEdit

SceneEdit

HOSPITAL -- HALL J.D. and Turk emerge from the elevator.

J.D.: Ahh, I cannot figure out what's wrong with Mrs. Farr. I gotta go ask Cox.

Turk: Why won't you ask me?

J.D.: You're a surgeon -- you just cut people up, you don't actually know anything.

Turk: Oh, yeah.

They split ways.

Continue to... ADMISSIONS J.D. approaches Dr. Cox.

J.D.: Dr. Cox! Dr. Cox.

Dr. Cox ignores him.

J.D.: Big Cheese.

Dr. Cox: Yes?

They're interrupted by a strange squeaking noise. It gets louder as Dr. Kelso approaches, with Ted the Lawyer in tow.

J.D.'s Narration: If you're wondering why Dr. Kelso's nose is squeaking...

FLASHBACK: ADMISSIONS Dr. Kelso is chewing out Elliot.

J.D.'s Narration: ...about a week ago, he was torturing Elliot...

Dr. Cox steps between them.

J.D.'s Narration: ...and Dr. Cox, well....

Cox punches Kelso in the nose, dropping the guy.

J.D.'s Narration: Needless to say, there were consequences.

END of FLASHBACK

Dr. Kelso: [squeak] Perry, great news: [squeak] I managed to swing it so that you get to go over to the state pen. today and do the annual inmates' physicals!

Dr. Cox: Well, hell's bells, Bobbo, if you want to fire me, just do it!

Dr. Kelso: I would, [squeak] but even though this room was quite crowded when you sucker-punched me, apparently nobody saw it happen.

Ted snickers under his breath. Dr. Kelso glares at him.

Lawyer: Uh, so what happened, sir?

Dr. Kelso turns to go about his business, squeaking all the way. Ted punches the air before following along after.

J.D.: So, Dr. Cox, can you, uh, look at her chart?

Dr. Cox: Newbie, did you not see what just happened? Kelso is so far up my ass that I can taste Brylcreem in the back of my throat. And you, you're...you're third-year now. Wake up, this whole Dr. Cox Riding in to The Rescue part of the show is _over_.

His beeper goes off. He looks at the display.

Dr. Cox: [taking off] Oh, you're on your own.

SceneEdit

MRI ROOM Elliot's at the door, talking to the bald, goatee'd technician, Dr. Moyer.

J.D.'s Narration: Elliot's unlucky streak continued with the head of the radiology department.

Elliot: Dr. Moyer. Uh, you told me my patient had colitis, and it turns out it was just traveler's diarrhea?

Dr. Moyer: So? Sounds like good news.

Elliot: Yeah.... He took it as bad news, maybe 'cause of the unnecessary colonoscope I shoved three feet up his pooper?

Dr. Moyer: What do you want me to do?

Elliot: Uh, apologize to my patient and tell him it was your mistake, no big deal?

Dr. Moyer: [sucks his teeth uncertainly] Think I'm gonna pass on that one. See, I got you pegged as one of those spineless types that's not gonna cause me any trouble no matter what I do. So, thanks for stopping by, and don't forget your car door.

He gestures to Elliot's new car door that's propped against the wall behind her.

Elliot: I just didn't want it to get stolen, okay?

Moyer does some weird, wild hand waving.

Dr. Moyer: That was me not caring.

Elliot struggles to pick up her door and go.

SceneEdit

NURSES' STATION J.D. arrives. A lot of people are gathered around, but not really doing anything.

Janitor: What?

J.D.'s Narration: Now that we can always hear Dr. Kelso coming, some people have modified their work habits.

The nurses and other staff are lounging around, reading, playing hand-held video games, etc -- anything but actually working. Ted is next to Carla, playing with a paddle-ball.

Lawyer: So, you're engaged to that surgeon guy?

Carla: Mm-hmm.

Lawyer: Is it serious?

Carla: No, Ted. We swing.

She turns away, and Ted pumps his fist.

There's a squeak.

Janitor: Squeaky's a-comin'!

Everyone jumps to look busy as Kelso approaches, squeaking all the way.

Dr. Kelso: [squeak ... squeak ... squeak]

He skeptically continues on through. After he's passed, the Janitor drops his mop, but then grabs it up again when the squeaking returns, accompanied by quick footsteps.

Dr. Kelso takes one last look at everyone being busy. Dr. Cox arrives.

Dr. Cox: Oh, hey, Bob-cat! Listen, I was hoping that maybe you could get someone to cover for me out at the prison tonight. I know that the very idea of you doing a favor for me makes those ass cheeks clench up so tight that you could shove a lump of coal up there and probably crap out a diamond! [chuckling] Right?

Dr. Kelso's nostril squeaks his lack of amusement.

Dr. Cox: Ohh.... Come on, Bob, I can't even remember the last time I saw my son, and you--you--you're a father, for God's sake; you understand, don't you?

Dr. Kelso: My son was recently kicked out of his Hari Krishna sect for being too much of a hippie, and is currently residing in the Portland subway system. The point, Perry, is that the only thing I care less about than my son...is your son. Have fun at the Big House.

He exits, squeaking.

SceneEdit

CAFETERIA J.D. and Turk are at a table. An excited Carla arrives to it and sits down.

Carla: Hey. You guys know that unbelievably handsome new anesthesiologist?

J.D.: Yes.

   &

Turk: No.

J.D.: No.

Carla: Well, he didn't know I was engaged, so he asked me out to a movie tonight.

Turk: Well, if he's paying, give a brother some Snow Caps!

Carla: Turk, why don't you ever get jealous?

Turk: Woman, look at me! How can someone with all of this here be jealous of any of that out there!

A depressed Elliot arrives.

Elliot: You know what I realized when I was dragging my car door around? I cannot remember the last good thing that happened to me at this place. I mean, what is it about me that makes everybody walk all over me?

Carla: No self-confidence.

Turk: You could be a baby sometimes.

J.D.: Your voice gets really high when you're upset.

Elliot: [high-pitched] Rhetorical question, okay? Now I'm getting smoothies. Who wants one?

Carla: Peach Fizzle-Vizzle? J.D.: I'll have a Razz-ma-Tazz? Turk: Orange Goo Goo.

Elliot: Got it.

She leaves. J.D.'s beeper goes off, he looks at it.

J.D.: Mrs. Farr. You know what? The only way I'm gonna figure out what's wrong with this woman is start running tests for everything.

Carla: Good luck, Bambi. Look at the time.

J.D. looks over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. It's just hit 5.

J.D.'s Narration: In a hospital, you can never try to get anything done Friday after 5 P.M. Because anyone who can actually help you is out of here like a gunshot.

FANTASY: There's a gunshot. Suddenly, the whole cafeteria is deserted except for J.D. and a spinning plate.

J.D.: Hello? Anyone?

Steven dances through.

J.D.: Have a good weekend, Steven.

END OF FANTASY

SceneEdit

SMOOTHIE BAR Elliot has placed her order. As she turns from the counter, she notices a familiar face at one of the tables.

Elliot: Sean?

Hey! It's Sean Kelly from 1.20 "My Way or the Highway" and 1.21 "My Sacrificial Clam"! He's got shorter hair.

Sean: Hey, Elliot! How you--how you doing?

She sits down across from him.

Elliot: You look great! Except, the buzz-cut has kind of tapped into this recurring dream I have where my dad makes me marry this army colonel named Johnny Case who, as it turns out, already has a wife in the Philippines. Anyways, she and I become friends, but then she smothers him with her thighs and then frames me for it.

Sean: Well, yeah, I'm--I'm doing about the same, too.

Elliot laughs, embarrassed.

Sean: I thought you hated this place 'cause of that time you--you got sick here?

Elliot: You remember that?

Sean: Y-you got sick on my face....

Elliot: Oh, no, that wasn't the smoothies -- you just said you thought you were falling in love with me, and sometimes when I get really uncomfortable I hurl.

Sean: I know, I get--I get a little, uh...gassy.

Elliot: Look, Sean, this is gonna sound weird, but -- this is fate! I mean, things have just been so bleak for me lately, and I've been waiting for something -- someone -- to come along, you know? And...here you are. [laughs] The one that got away! That means something, right?

Sean: Yeah, I think it, uh....

A petite blonde enters and comes up to the table.

Girl: Hello!

Sean: Hey. Hi. Oh!

She leans over for a kiss. Elliot leans over to hurl. The girl jumps back to avoid the mess.

Sean: [reassuring the girl] No, no, no, no! It's okay. It's ok--it's....

Cut to... SMOOTHIE BAR EXTERIOR Sean and his girl are leaving.

Girl: That girl is extra-strength crazy.

Sean: I don't know; I mean, she's a doctor, she's gotta have it a little bit together, right?

Just then, Elliot drives by, giving Sean a cocky wink and finger point through the missing car door, her smoothies riding on top.

Sean: Elliot, your smoothies are on your car.

She slams on the brakes and the smoothies tip, running all down her windshield and hood. Elliot leaps out to survey the mess.

Elliot: Ohhhhh.

Just then, a car passes and rips off her open driver-side door.

Elliot: Double frick!

SceneEdit

HOSPITAL -- HALL J.D. is wheeling Mrs. Farr back to her room.

J.D.'s Narration: I was trying to keep things positive with Mrs. Farr.

J.D.: I don't think you'll be having breakfast with us tomorrow.

Mrs. Farr: Why, am I going home tonight?

J.D.: No, the cook died.

He passes Mrs. Farr to an orderly who wheels her into the room.

J.D.'s Thoughts: What the hell am I gonna do?

Turk: Hey.

J.D. turns to the NURSES' STATION, where Turk and Carla are hanging out. The clock on the wall behind them reads 7:30.

Turk: She wanted to come back and help. And I wasn't gonna let my baby be here all alone with all sorts of guys eyeballing her privates and whatnot.

Carla: If you can't muster up some sincere jealousy, don't even bother.

Elliot enters, even more depressed, a new batch of smoothies in hand.

Elliot: I got everyone's smoothies. They were out of Orange Goo Goo.

Carla: How can we help, Bambi?

J.D.: Okay, if we're ever gonna figure out what's wrong with that lady, we need to get a whole bunch of tests done.

J.D.'s Narration: There's nothing wrong with needing your friends to take care of someone.... It's better than missing out on your family because you're stuck making new friends....

Cut to... PRISON Dr. Cox is in a small room with a guard and a shackled, tattooed prisoner. As he writes in the chart, he picks a small photo off the top and hands it to the prisoner.

Dr. Cox: That's, uh, that's my son.

Prisoner: He's adorable. Can I keep it?

Dr. Cox: No, no you--you certainly may not!

He grabs the photo back.

Dr. Cox: Bad man.

J.D.'s Narration: Still, even that's not the worst....

Cut back to... HOSPITAL

J.D.: 'Kay, I'll get the x-ray, you two go work on the echo-cardiogram, and then all three of us will meet back here and deal with the abdominal CAT-scan, okay?

Carla: Got'cha.

Turk: Mm-hmm.

They split up as Elliot stands idly by.

Elliot: Well, what can I do?

J.D.: [from down the hall] We got it, Elliot.

J.D.'s Narration: Being such a mess that your friends don't even ask for your help? That's the bottom of the barrel.

Elliot does the only thing she can -- she takes a sip of her smoothie.

ActEdit

SceneEdit

NURSES' STATION

J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes in life, all there is to do is ponder your own shortcomings by cannon-balling four straight 32-ounce, protein-enhanced smoothies.

Elliot sucks down the last bit of the final smoothie. She faces Laverne behind the desk.

Elliot: Eugh. [burp]

Nurse Roberts: You'll be okay, Marshmallow.

Elliot: Laverne, do you call me "Marshmallow" because I'm soft and easily flattened?

Nurse Roberts: Well, yeah.... But, if it makes you feel any better, it's also because you're _very_ white.

Dr. Kelso approaches.

Dr. Kelso: [squeak, squeak, squeak] Where the hell's Ted?

He walks (and squeaks) on to continue his search. Ted pops up from behind the desk, playing with his paddle-ball.

Lawyer: Hundred and nine is my record.

Elliot: Mm.

Ted plays with his toy a bit again, only making contact about twice before missing.

Lawyer: Da-amn!

SceneEdit

X-Ray Lab J.D. is talking with the young technician, Laddy.

J.D.: Look, I know you're the only x-ray tech on tonight, all right? But I just need a quick abdominal scan to make sure Mrs. Farr doesn't have an obstruction.

Laddy: Uh-uh-uh! Don't want to know who they are! Don't want to know how they're doing! Just wanna go "click-click!" and get 'em out of here! [looks at his chart] Now, your lady's about forty people down on the list. And as always, uh, there are no cutsies.

He points at a sign that reads "No Cutsies"

J.D.: [under breath] Damn! Look, uhh.... There's gotta be something I can do.

Cut to... A Bit Later J.D. and Laddy are shirtless. J.D. struggles back into his. Laddy excitedly gestures to a strange x-ray on the lightboard.

Laddy: See, because of the way I laid on top of you, I can tell people this is an x-ray of Siamese twins! How cool is that!

J.D.: It's so cool, Laddy, let's never talk to anyone about it, ever!

Laddy: [sad] Oh.

SceneEdit

HALL Turk and Carla are approaching the closed office door of Dr. Mitchell Franks.

Turk: I don't understand how you think you can get this cardiologist to do an echo-cardiogram for us.

Carla: I've worked in the Cath. Lab before -- I understand how these guys think. Plus I had a one-nighter with him a long time ago.

Turk: Okay! Oh-ho-ho! You're telling me this guy in here got tasty treats?

Carla: Turk! I worked here eight years before you showed up -- I had sexual needs.

Turk: Okay, first of all, that's disgusting.

Carla: Are you jealous?

Turk: Nahhh....

Carla: Ahhh, so you don't mind if I go in there alone.

She zips in and closes the door behind her. Turk nabs the stethoscope from a passing staffer's shoulders.

Turk: Thank you.

He listens as he presses the chest piece against the door. From inside, Carla whacks her hand against the door. Turk jumps back, his ears hurt.

Turk: AGH!

Cut to... INSIDE THE OFFICE Carla approaches the doc's desk.

Carla: So, Mitchell, I guess I was just hoping that you would help us out with this patient, Mrs. Farr.

The guy is taking off his white coat, preparing to leave.

Mitchell: Carla, love to, really, but, uh, it's already six and it's my son's birthday tonight.

Carla picks up and looks at one of the desk's framed photos.

Carla: How old is he?

Mitchell: He's ten.

Carla: And how long ago was that night that you told me you were single and you took me dancing...?

Mitchell: Eight years. I'll see you in the patient's room.

Carla turns to the door and smiles to herself.

Cut to... OUTSIDE THE OFFICE Turk is waiting. Carla exits with her scrubs top all hiked up over her bra. She works to pull it down.

Carla: [still smiling] All taken care of.

She walks off. Turk chases after her.

Turk: How is that funny?

SceneEdit

DOCTORS' LOUNGE Dr. Cox and Jordan are sitting on the couch in the darkened room. She has the baby in a little sailor outfit.

Jordan: Don't you love the outfit?

Dr. Cox: You know, I always wanted to be the father of a tiny gay sailor. Jordan, come on, we agreed that we would wait until he's quite a bit older before we started systematically ruining his life, right? ...Right?

Jordan: I may have painted his toenails for funsies.

Dr. Cox whines vaguely. J.D. enters.

J.D.: Dr. Cox, I managed to get some tests done on Mrs. Farr....

Dr. Cox: Look, Gwyneth, you're old enough now to hear this from me: Every time I go out of my way to help you children, I get nothing but trouble. Now this is the first five-minute window I've had in the last week to be with my son. And I'm just not gonna have you pirouetting around in here while my heart is breaking inside.

J.D.: Sorry.

J.D. leaves.

Jordan: Your heart is breaking inside? [laughs] That is so embarrassing for you!

Dr. Cox: Thank you for that.

SceneEdit

BATHROOM Elliot is sadly staring at herself in the mirror. The Janitor opens the door.

Elliot: What are you doing in here!?

Janitor: It's...the men's room.

He points at the sign on the door. Yep, it's the men's room.

Elliot: [defensive] I know! I mean, it's not like I thought those were some kind of new female urinals, and then...tried them, and found them...oddly comfortable....

Janitor: I'm just gonna replace these, uh, urinal cakes [sniffs one], and then, uh, I'll go.

Elliot: [whines to herself] Why can't I just grow up? Why can't I be stronger? Janitor? Have you ever looked at yourself and wished that you were different in every single way?

Janitor: No.... I'm a winner. But, I will tell you something that my grandmother told me when I was a kid; even though at the time I thought she was my mother. She said, "Time spent wishing is time wasted." Now, she died shortly after that, and my sister -- who actually _was_ my mother -- she never got over it. Neither did my brother-dad. But the point is this: If you want to be different, then be different!

Elliot: [smiling gratefully] Thank you.

J.D.: Well, we're all under one roof here, we gotta watch out for each other, right? Come on!

He encouragingly gestures for her to leave the men's room.

Elliot: [happy] 'Kay.

She passes J.D. as he enters.

Janitor: There he is.

The Janitor sticks his foot out, tripping J.D., who steps into the mop bucket and rolls across the room.

J.D.: Whoooa! Agh!

He crashes off screen.

Janitor: Watch out.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Ow.

Cut to... MRI ROOM

J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately, that's when we ran into a brick wall.

Carla, Turk, and J.D. (who holds an ice-pack to his head) face Dr. Moyer.

Dr. Moyer: I'm head of the radiology department. You call me in from home to do an abdominal CAT-scan that could wait until Monday morning? Well, guess what? It's not happening.

J.D.: Look, Dr. Moyer--

Dr. Moyer: THESE ARE MY MACHINES!

Carla: Sir--

Dr. Moyer: MY MACHINES!

Turk: Whose machines?

Dr. Moyer: MY MACHINES!

J.D.: How is that helpful?

Dr. Moyer: [throwing a tantrum] THEY'RE MINE! MINE! MY MACHINES! MY MACHINES! MY MACHINES!! MY MACHINES!!!--

SceneEdit

ELEVATOR Dr. Kelso is waiting for the elevator to continue on to his floor. Dr. Cox steps on.

Dr. Kelso: [squeak, squeak, squeak]

Dr. Cox pushes the stop button and turns to Kelso, cracking his knuckles.

Dr. Kelso: Oh, so you're going to sock me again. Good God, Perry, at a certain point you're just beating up an old man.

Dr. Cox: Relax. I'm just fixing your nose.

He grabs Kelso by the back of the head and tips his face back so he can shine a light up there and inspect.

Dr. Kelso: Mmgh! [squeak]

Dr. Cox: Now, I'm real sorry I cold-cocked you, there, Bob -- I shouldn't have done that. [he releases Kelso] Even if it did actually feel so damn good I changed my pants afterwards.

Dr. Kelso: [squeak]

Dr. Cox: But, still, I'm starting to think it would be smart if you and I were to bury the hatchet. What do you say, there, Bob?

Dr. Kelso: [squeak]

Dr. Cox: Come, on, handsome!

He laughs encouragingly. Dr. Kelso chuckles and slugs Perry in the arm. But then...

Dr. Kelso: Listen up, ace: You will always be a royal pain in my ass, and I will always be waiting for the day when I get to jam that knife into your side once and for all; and you know it as well as I do! [squeak]

Dr. Cox grabs Kelso's face and straightens his nose. Kelso takes an experimental breath. No squeak.

Dr. Kelso: Much better, thanks!

Dr. Cox: You're welcome.

Dr. Kelso: People don't change, Perry.

Cut to... ELLIOT'S ROOM It's pink. Everywhere. There are stuffed animals. There's also Elliot on the bed, hugging a teddy bear and looking sad.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers' "American Girl" starts up.

Elliot's Thoughts: So you're just gonna roll over and give up like you always do? Or are you finally gonna get mad and do something about it?

As the song blares on, Elliot snaps, ripping the head off her teddy bear; tearing apart her cute, delicate room; clearing out her closet of frilly clothes, ripping down her adorable cat poster -- but then having second thoughts and putting that back up.

In the second part of the sequence, she sits nervously in a salon chair, having her hair cut.

And finally, she strides confidently through the hospital hall, her hair in a spunky shag, her eyes heavily lined, and dressed in tight black jeans and a black tank top.

The song fades as we return to...

THE MRI ROOM Dr. Moyer is still having his tantrum before Carla, J.D., and Turk.

Dr. Moyer: MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!!!

The new Elliot enters. Everyone is surprised by what they see.

Elliot: Dr. Moyer, you're gonna give Mrs. Farr the abdominal CAT-scan, and I'll tell you why: You remember that colon patient of mine that you screwed up on? Well I'm gonna tell him exactly whose fault that was, and then I'm gonna spend every waking second helping him figure out how to physically and financially bitch-slap you, even if the end result is that we both get our asses fired. Your move, chuckles.

Dr. Moyer: [angry but beaten] Bring her down.

Carla: Elliot!

Turk: Hell, zhyeah!

They follow Elliot out of the room. J.D. stands there in shock.

J.D.: Wow.

Cut to... DOCTORS' LOUNGE The gang are sitting around the room, studying their test results.

J.D.'s Thoughts: It feels good to work as a team and gather all the pieces of the puzzle together so we can finally look Mrs. Farr in the face and tell her...we still don't know what the hell she has.

J.D.: Dammit, why can't we figure out what's wrong with this lady?

Dr. Cox enters.

Dr. Cox: All right, you guys. What do you know so far?

Carla: The echo ruled out an aortic dissection.

Turk: The abdominal CT would have shown if it was biliary disease.

Dr. Cox: Think. What's her background?

Elliot: Persian Sephardic Jew.

Dr. Cox: Aw, come on, you guys, gimme a break -- you know this.

J.D.: Familial Mediterranean fever.

Dr. Cox: Atta boy.

J.D.'s Narration: I'm actually grateful most things don't change.

Cut to... NURSES' STATION The non work continues, with the Janitor giving Nurse Roberts a backrub and Ted sitting on the desk playing with his paddle-ball. The now silent Kelso surprises them with his sudden arrival.

Dr. Kelso: Hello, slackers!

Ted falls off the desk with a cry.

Lawyer: [out of view] My paddle's stuck in me!

J.D.'s Narration: Not only is the status quo good for work, it's also somewhat comforting.

Cut to... HALL Dr. Cox has gathered the gang outside Mrs. Farr's door. Inside, her family is gathered around her.

Dr. Cox: Now, I would've never figured it out unless you guys had done the leg work. You four deserve all the credit, really.

He turns in to the room.

Dr. Cox: Mrs. Farr, Dr. Cox has saved the day! Don't ya just love it? Come here!

He moves further into the room to accept his praise, kicking the door shut.

J.D.'s Narration: And if something does change, more often than not it just reminds you of feelings you've had all along.

J.D. turns to Elliot.

J.D.: You look beautiful.

She smiles.

J.D.'s Narration: Like I said, once you hit the third year, there aren't a lot of surprises.

Behind J.D., Sean arrives.

Sean: Hey, Elliot.

Elliot: Hey! What are you doing here?

She goes over to him and they fall into easy, fun conversation, as J.D. looks on at another missed chance.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Damn.

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