HOSPITAL HALL J.D. walks through, a tray with two cups of coffee in hand, approaching his (shared) tiny office.
J.D.'s Narration: It's been a long road, but over the past two months, Elliot and I have totally rebuilt our friendship.
He bumps the door open.
Elliot: Good morning!
She pulls the desk towards her so he can sit down.
J.D.: Co-chiefy, got you a little som'n-som'n!
Elliot: Thank you! And I actually got you a little something....
She pushes the desk back towards him to get a large magnifying glass out of her drawer.
J.D.: A magnifying glass?
Elliot: Yes.... For these.
She pulls a miniature yellow pad from the drawer.
J.D.: [Gasps] You got the tiny post-its! Aww, awesome! For our tiny bulletin board! [Reads with magnifying glass] Aaaand I have a dentist appointment that got moved to Tuesday at 4 PM. "Don't floss before you come in, it makes your gums bloody"! Aww!
He pulls the post-it off with a tweezer and affixes it to the tiny bulletin board.
J.D.'s Narration: Bottom line -- together, Elliot and I are the greatest co-chief residents of all time.
Dr. Cox bursts in.
Dr. Cox: You two are, without a doubt, the worst co-chief residents of all time. And in case you haven't noticed, we've got ourselves one hospital chock-full of monkey interns; and, news-flash, your job is to catch whatever they're flinging. Coffee talk, ladies, is now officially [slams a binder on the desk] over. Get your asses to work. Now.
He leaves. J.D. and Elliot turn back to their coffees.
J.D.'s Narration: Yep, not even Dr. Cox could faze us. Because we had every facet of this job down.
Cut to... WHEELCHAIR RAMP J.D. and Elliot face a flock of interns.
J.D.'s Narration: We figured out a fair way to schedule all the interns' shifts....
Elliot pulls off her scrub top.
J.D.: Okay, whoever gets Dr. Reid's scrub top back to her first doesn't have to work this weekend! Commence the scuffle!
Elliot hurls her top at the interns, who begin fighting viciously over it as J.D. and Elliot casually turn down the ramp.
Elliot: I hope it doesn't rain today.
J.D.: Me too.
Female Intern: My eye!
Lonnie: Ow! My lip!
Cut to... WARD Dr. Kelso stares down a lone intern as J.D. and Elliot approach.
J.D.'s Narration: We knew how to protect the interns from Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Kelso: Look, Brent, is it? Son, please tell me you come with a money back guarantee, because I'd like to get something useful like a can of Brent remover! I mean, for God's sa--
J.D.: -- sake, Brent! When are you gonna wake up and use that --
Elliot: -- rock that you have been calling your skull?! --
J.D.: [Herding Kelso away] We got this.
Elliot: -- I mean, even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut! And--
J.D.: He's gone. He's gone.
Elliot: Heh, look, Brent, you are doing fine.
J.D.'s Narration: Still, it's not like we didn't keep the interns on their toes.
Cut to... MORGUE J.D. and Lonnie are examining a corpse.
J.D.: So, Lonnie, get in here and see the effects of cirrhosis of the liver.
A bloody hand thrusts up from the torso, causing J.D. and Lonnie to clutch each other in fright, shrieking and falling to the floor. Elliot pokes her head out from under the table.
Elliot: J.D.! You knew I was gonna do that!
J.D.: But it was still very startling!
Cut to... I.C.U. -- NURSES' STATION J.D. and Elliot are there as a battered young intern arrives.
Daisy: Here's your shirt, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: Wow, Daisy! Enjoy your weekend, you little scrapper!
J.D.: Oh, Daisy, I'm supposed to ask you -- can Lonnie have his lower lip back?
Daisy: It's my trophy.
J.D. &: Ohh! Elliot
Daisy leaves. One of the patient's monitors begins beeping.
Nurse Roberts: Hey, this guy's coding.
J.D. and a few other nurses rush over.
J.D.'s Narration: Don't get me wrong, I can handle a code. But every so often, every single thing that can conceivably go wrong with a patient goes wrong at once.
Nurse Roberts: He's in VF.
Nurse #1: We've lost an airway.
Nurse #2: He's blown a pupil.
J.D.: Okay, just gimme a second, all right?
J.D.'s Narration: I call these "train wreck codes," and they're not my forte. Luckily, that's when Elliot is at her best.
Elliot comes over.
Elliot: J.D., I've got your back. Laverne, bolus with amiodarone, get me the crash cart, grab me a central line kit, I'll bag him. Run the fluids wide open.
J.D.'s Narration: I honestly didn't understand how she could do so many things at once.
- FANTASY: Elliot grows several additional pairs of arms, allowing her to calmly treat everything wrong with the patient and work on a crossword puzzle.
Elliot: 14 Across: Four letters, "Band that sang 'Roseanna'"?
BACK TO REALITY***
They all look at him oddly.
J.D.: T-O-T-O -- Toto.
The monitors have returned to their normal rhythm.
Elliot: Okay, he's stable.
J.D.'s Narration: See, my problem is that I've just never been much of a multi-tasker. For instance, I can't eat and watch T.V. Or drive my scooter and answer my phone.
Cut to... PARKING LOT J.D. attempts to answer his ringing phone while driving his scooter.
He swerves, driving right into the hospital.
J.D.: Whooooa! Oh God, oh God! Look out, look out, look out, look out, look out!
He drives through the hall...
Woman: Agh! J.D.: Look out, lady! Look out! Look out!
Lonnie: What the?
J.D.: Look out!
J.D.'s Thoughts: Scared Lonnie again!
J.D.: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Into the cafeteria...
J.D.'s Thoughts: Tater tot!
Janitor: Over here! I'll get you back outside!
The Janitor swings a door open and J.D. drives right through, soaring through the air into an open dumpster.
Finally at a stop and covered in trash, he returns to his phone call.
J.D.: Whoever this is, you are not gonna believe what just happened to me!
The Janitor, still at the door, responds on his cell phone.
Janitor: No, I believe it. It was cool.
He goes back inside.
J.D.: Janitor. [Licks something off his finger.] Ambrosia!
I.C.U. -- WARD The Janitor holds the door for Elliot.
Elliot: Thank you, Janitor!
Once she's through, he slams the door on J.D.'s face.
J.D.: Classic Janitor!
Janitor: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Elliot: You know that guy that crashed this morning is doing great?
Dr. Cox approaches the two of them.
Dr. Cox: Oh, Barbie. Maybe you could take a break from congratulating yourself and figure out what's wrong with Mrs. Kasuba over there, seeing as you're her doctor and she's been in the I.C.U. for three days.
Elliot: We're, um, running lots of tests.
Dr. Cox: Tests? Oh [laughs], goody! And what exactly will you be looking for? And if it's the slowest doctor in the hospital, then ding! ding! ding! ding! I already found her. Figure it out.
He hands her the chart and continues on. J.D. and Elliot head over to the Nurses' Station.
J.D.'s Narration: See, this is why it doesn't bother me that Elliot is so much better with the train wreck codes. Her biggest weakness is my biggest strength -- diagnosis.
J.D.: [Smug] Elliot, if you need help, just ask Dr. Diagnosis. You could be my side-kick! Bangs McCoy!
CAFETERIA The gang are gathered at a table, fans of money in hand.
J.D.'s Narration: Lately it seemed like Turk was being a little casual about his diabetes.
Turk: Okay, you all know the rules. I test my blood sugar, you bet high or low, and twenty-five percent goes to diabetes. Because if we all work hard, together...I can get a big-ass flat screen.
Carla: That's right, baby!
Nurse Roberts: [Putting her money down] I want high.
J.D.: [Placing his bet] Low and slow, that's his tempo!
Elliot: This game is sick. [Drops her dough.] High.
They all wait as Turk tests.
Elliot and Nurse Roberts whoop over their win.
Carla: That high, baby? You've been sneaking brownies, haven't you? Well, don't think that when you go blind I'm gonna go get you no seeing-eye dog!
Turk: [To J.D.] I'm gonna name him Gizmo.
J.D.: That's what we were gonna name our robot!
Turk: Oh, well, when we get the robot, we'll just name him TuPac.
J.D.: "TuPac, may I please have some waffles?" "Would you like some sy-rup?" Yeah, that'd be fine. It'll work. It's a good idea.
DOCTORS' LOUNGE J.D. and Elliot are at the table doing some research.
Elliot: Maybe Mrs. Kasuba has a perinephric abscess?
J.D.: No, her pain is central, not near the back. Come on, Bangs! You know what helps me when I'm diagnosing? Mentally picturing everything. Like those sugar packets there. How do you think they got there?
He gestures to a small pile of packets on the floor near the coffee service.
- FANTASY: The scene goes all CSI as Elliot imagines a rushed doctor getting his coffee.
Elliot: Somebody probably knocked them over.
BAC KTO REALITY***
J.D.: I don't think so. You see, the packets are neatly stacked. Plus that coffee cup has the lipstick of a certain very hot Nurse Tisdale.
- FANTASY: The scene goes all CSI again as J.D. paints the picture of Nurse Tisdale getting her coffee. Todd comes in behind her to watch her take a sip of the unsweetened beverage.
Todd: If you're looking for sugar, there's some on the floor.
Nurse Tisdale notices the pile and bends over to retrieve it, giving the Todd a great view of her rear.
BACK TO REALITY***
J.D.: It's the classic Todd Thong Sugar Trap.
J.D.: Now, let's apply the same thing to Mrs. Kasuba. We know this isn't the first time she's experienced abdominal pain. What else do we know about her?
Elliot: Oh, you know what, J.D.? Um, I've gotta run. Are you okay here?
J.D.: Yeah, I got this.
Elliot leaves. As soon as she's cleared out, Dr. Cox pops his head up from the couch, where he'd been lying.
Dr. Cox: Say, that was some real Nancy Drew stuff, there...Nancy. I mean, absolutely irrelevant as far as medicine goes, but damn amusing!
J.D.: Don't feel weird because you're threatened by my gift. Many are.
Dr. Cox: Did you feel that you weren't quite annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur? Because I promise you, you are annoying enough. In fact, you're the number one contender for the middle weight annoyance crown.
J.D.: [Stammering] Well, you're the number one jealous...weight for the jealous weight... jealous ch-champ.
Cox leaps off the couch.
Dr. Cox: He's done it! He's done it! Dorian's the Most! Annoying! Man in the World! Who would've ever thought a journeyman annoyer like Dorian might....
He leaves, continuing his little show.
J.D.: You are a close second!
NURSES' STATION Carla has her nurses gathered for a meeting.
Carla: I have a couple of announcements. There's a serious problem around here with not getting to know our patients. Yes, the doctor told you to administer Halidol, but why is he prescribing it? Does the patient have a chance of sundowning or is he prone to psychotic breaks and needs to be tied down? You have to ask these questions, right Tammy?
Tammy: [Holding her bruised face] Mm-hmm.
Nurse Roberts: Child, we are swamped. Where you think we're gonna get that kind of time?
Carla: Laverne, if you care you'll go the extra mile. Like my husband. Turk?
She draws everyone's attention to Turk's arrival behind the desk.
Carla: You have three patients on the floor. What can you tell us about them?
Turk: [Pointing at different beds] Well, I'm cutting out that guy's appendix, I'm sewing up her lacerated spleen, and I'm slicing off that dude's foot.
Carla: Great. And why are you doing those things?
Turk: Because it says so on the charts.
Carla gives him a disappointed glare.
Turk: What'd I do?
At the other side of the Station, Elliot approaches J.D. who is doing some work at one of the computers.
Elliot: J.D.! You up for some coffee?
J.D.: I can't. I've almost got Mrs. Kasuba's condition figured out.
The Janitor steps up behind Elliot.
Janitor: Hey, I'll, uh, join you for a cup of mud.
Elliot: Great! Meet me downstairs in five minutes.
Janitor: I'll be there. Just let me wash this, uh, glue off my hands.
He gives a nervous smile and heads out.
J.D.: What was he gluing?
He picks his hands up off the keyboard, only to have it stick.
J.D.: Not again.
He shakes the keyboard in a vain attempt to loosen it from his hands.
J.D.: I can't believe you're going on a date with the Janitor!
Elliot: J.D., it's just coffee. It's not a date.
Cut to... CAFETERIA Elliot enters to find the Janitor there dressed in a suit and tie. He stands offering her a chair, sweeping it clean with his handkerchief.
Elliot: I have to go.
She turns and escapes.
HALL Turk and Carla are walking through.
Turk: Baby, don't be mad, you know about surgeons. We're hammers, and our patients are nails. And hammers don't get to know nails; they hammer them. Why? Because...hammers.
Carla: For the last time, Turk, I'm not gonna call you The Hammer. Look, I was trying to make a point to my nurses, and I needed you to back me up.
Turk: Yeah, but none of the other hammers get to know their patients.
They arrive at the Nurses' Station.
Carla: Yeah, well, none of them get to do what you did to me last night either.
- FLASHBACK: Turk and Carla's Room -- The Previous Night
Carla sits on the bed as Turk stands over her.
Carla: [Smoldering] Come on, Buppie, give it to me.
He hauls his hand back and WHACK! she drops to the bed. She picks herself up again, laughing.
Carla: See? When I clap my hands at the same time, it looks totally real.
Turk: I know. Let's go freak out J.D.!
Giggling, they rush to the door.
BACK TO PRESENT***
Turk: Okay, fine, I'll try. One condition: Gimme some!
She "slaps" him just as Dr. Kelso and Ted approach, stopping them cold.
Ted: Oh my God!
Dr. Kelso: I think it, and she does it!
They continue on. J.D. rushes up, bandages on each of his fingers.
J.D.: Acute intermittent porphyria! I figured it out! All right, who's got Dr. Cox's pager number?
No one pipes up.
J.D.: Oh, who'm I kidding, I've got my Perry's Pager Song.
J.D.'s Thoughts: "Dr. Cox at my door, pager 324."
J.D.: There it is. Laverne, I'm gonna need you to get Mrs. Kasuba started on IV dextrose and hemotin.
Nurse Roberts: Dr. Reid already ordered that.
J.D.: She what?
- FLASHBACK: Doctors' Lounge
Elliot: Um, you know what, J.D., I've gotta run. Are you okay here?
BACK TO PRESENT***
J.D.: She figured it out before me.
J.D.'s Narration: There are a lot of things that can knock a guy on his ass.
Meanwhile... O.R. Turk and his team are gathered around the patient on the table.
Turk: All right now, before we start, just in case my wife asks -- and she probably will -- what did this guy do to get his foot cut off?
J.D.'s Narration: Whether it's catching a glimpse of what the future might hold....
Surgical Nurse: He has diabetes.
- FANTASY: Turk takes a closer look at the patient on the table -- it's him.
BACK TO REALITY***
Meanwhile... CAFETERIA The Janitor sits alone at his table.
J.D.'s Narration: Or realizing you've just done the most embarrassing thing in your life.
Janitor: [Bonking head on table] Stupid Janitor. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
J.D.'s Narration: But even that's not as bad as it can get.
Meanwhile... NURSES' STATION J.D. confronts Elliot.
J.D.: Why didn't you tell me?
Elliot: I just thought that after I bailed you out of that train wreck code that you could, you know, use a win.
Dr. Cox arrives.
Dr. Cox: Great diagnosis there, Barbie.
Elliot: It wasn't me. J.D. figured it out.
Dr. Cox: Well, then, nice job, Nancy.
J.D.'s Narration: The worst thing is realizing when a friend is taking pity on you.
FIRST FLOOR HALL J.D. walks through.
J.D.'s Narration: I've never been a great liar.
J.D.: [To a coworker] Lookin' straight, Bruce.
J.D.'s Narration: That's why I knew it'd be better for me if I just fessed up to Dr. Cox.
Follow to... ADMISSIONS -- FRONT DESK J.D. addresses Dr. Cox.
J.D.: Elliot diagnosed Mrs. Kasuba, not me.
Dr. Cox: I know. And your guilty anguish is [licks fingers] -- it's delicious. It's like a little mini-meal between lunch and dinner. Quite frankly, it's all I can do not to grind pepper on your head.
J.D.: I don't get it. When did she become a better doctor than me?
Dr. Cox: Probably during one of those countless times you were goofing off?
J.D.: Eh! As soon as I step foot in this hospital, I'm all business.
- FLASHBACK: WHEELCHAIR RAMP
Dr. Cox is greeted on his way in by J.D., atop someone and draped in Chet's large white coat.
J.D.: Good morning, Dr. Cox! From the world's most giant doctor!
BACK TO PRESENT***
J.D.: Well, that was outside the hospital. Plus, Elliot was the legs. Sure, she's skinny, but she's thick through the trunk. If you could just help me with these train wreck codes.
Dr. Cox: You're finally at that stage where you and your equally undistinguished colleagues have all had enough training to be able to help each other. So no matter how humiliating it may seem, if you know somebody who's better than you -- and I'm bettin' that you do? -- you had best tuck that ridiculously feminine tail of yours between your legs and go ask her for help. I'm thinkin' that's just about it. Yep. I, uh, gosh, I'm all out of speeches. I don't think I have, uh, [pats coat] another one on me. I...I don't. The-- Oh. [Holds up index fingers.] These are...my goodbye guns.
He "fires" his fingers in the air in a blaze of "bullets" and departs.
J.D.: [To self] Those aren't real guns.
NURSES' STATION Carla stops on her way through behind the desk, where Nurse Roberts is working.
Carla: Why is my stapler on the floor?
She bends over to retrieve it, Todd stepping from around the corner for a look.
Carla whips around and slaps him.
Todd: Face-five! Oh, yeah!
He leaves as Turk arrives.
Turk: Oh, you taught Todd the slap thing?
Carla: Nope. How was surgery?
Turk: [Covering] Oh, it was fine.
Nurse Roberts: Honey bear! You look blue. Have a cookie.
She holds a large plate out to Turk.
Carla: Nah-ah-ah, Laverne. No more jackin' up my man's blood sugar just so you can buy yourself a camper.
Turk: So this is all a big joke to you guys? 'Cause this is my life, and I don't think it's funny.
He leaves in a huff.
Nurse Roberts: Now I gotta try to get back in on that craps game in the basement.
CAFETERIA Janitor, Troy, and Randall sit at a table.
Janitor: I don't know, this whole Blonde Doctor situation has me mortified. I've gathered the brain trust here to help me figure a way out of this.
Randall: Uh-oh, bro. There she is.
They look over at Elliot across the room.
Troy: [Holding up a fork] You want me to hobble her?
Janitor: That's not hobbling, that's--that's...poking. What's the matter with you? Here's a chance to learn a lesson as a group, okay? Sometimes you've just gotta face the music and own up to what you've done.
He stands and walks over to Elliot.
Janitor: Hi...Blonde Doctor. Um, before, when we almost had coffee? Uh, I feel like I made you feel uncomfortable.
Elliot: No, I...wasn't, um--
Janitor: Well, it-it -- you know the only reason I was wearing the suit at all was because our, uh, a cappella band was...practicing.
Elliot: Oh, that's great! What's your band's name?
Janitor: Uh.... It's, uh, Hibbleton. Yeah, yeah. And, um, I don't think it's going too far to say that we're the best hospital employee band in town.
Nearby, Ted and his Band look up from their table.
Ted's Band: [In harmony] Oh, really?
ROOM J.D. and Elliot frantically work over a patient.
J.D.: I'll clear his airway!
Elliot: His O2-sat is dropping, his abdomen is distended, we need you to do a lavage. What are you gonna do?
He freezes up with panic.
The camera pulls back to reveal their patient is just one of the corpses down here in the Morgue.
Elliot: J.D., it's okay. Look, it's good practice. It's why we're down here.
Doug hovers nearby.
Doug: You know, I don't really like you guys playing with my cadavers.
Elliot: Oh, really, Doug? So how come that one over there has a soda in his hand?
Doug: He keeps it cold!
J.D.: And how come when we walked in you were sitting in a circle with three corpses playing Texas hold 'em?
Doug: Just call first from now on!
J.D.: I just, I don't know what to do when everything goes wrong at once. It's--it's--it's overwhelming.
Elliot: You wanna know what my big secret is? [Takes a breath and slowly exhales.] Just take one big breath. Everything will slow down and you can just tackle each thing as it comes.
J.D.: That's your big secret? Breathing?
Elliot: Why do you have such a problem with me teaching you stuff?
J.D.: It's just that you're a little smug.
Elliot: You called yourself Dr. Diagnosis and made me your side-kick. J.D., you've been the golden boy around here for the past three years while I have cried in closets and hid from Dr. Cox and relied on you every single day to get me through it. I mean, now that I am finally doing well enough to pay you back, maybe you can tell me why you're being such an unbelievable jerk?
J.D.: Because you're the one that's supposed to struggle -- not me.
She furrows her brow at him and leaves.
TURK, CARLA, & J.D.'S APARTMENT -- LIVING ROOM Carla enters and sits on the couch next to Turk, who's kind of zoned out.
Carla: Baby. What's going on with you?
Turk: Ever since I got this thing? I've been joking around about it, sneaking cookies, and hiding from it. All because I'm scared to ask myself the questions: Is it gonna get worse? Or are our kids gonna have it? Or how old am I gonna be when it finally gets me? ...You don't understand.
Carla: I don't understand? Turk, look at me, I'm a WOD.
Turk: I keep trying to tell you this, but it's the mirror in the bathroom, baby. You haven't gained a pound since I met you!
Carla: No, I'm a WOD -- Wife Of Diabetic. That's what they call us in all the diabetic chat rooms. I spend a lot of time on the computer, talking about how proud I am of my husband and how he's handling this. How he's able to make jokes about it -- and money. It's okay to be afraid, I am. But I have to tell you, I don't know what I would do if you suddenly became someone who let something own you.
CAFETERIA Ted's Band and the Janitor's thrown-together band, namely Troy and Randall, face each other in an a cappella competition, being judged by Elliot.
Ted's Band: [Singing] Ah, but would I like it? No, not much.... No, not much!
Elliot squeals and applauds enthusiastically. Totally impressed, The Janitor and his band nervously clap a few times.
Janitor: Yeah! Well, you win! Heh.
Ted's Band: [In harmony] Woo.
Elliot: Your--your band didn't even sing yet.
Ted's Band: [In harmony] Aww.
Janitor: There's no need. You win!
Ted's Band: [In harmony] Woo.
Elliot: Oh, come on, Janitor? For me?
Janitor: [Sotto] One second. [To Hibbleton] Bring it in.
They form a huddle.
Janitor: Oh, God.... Okay, I don't ask for much, just a little help with a stain every now and then. I'd like to be able to communicate with animals.... But right now, oh boy, we need a miracle. Hibbleton -- whatever that means -- on three. [They put their hands in] One, two, three.
Randall &: Hibbleton! Troy
Janitor: Heh. Ahem. ...Bah...bah...bah...[Wheezes.] Bah, bah, bah. Ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-Babara-Ann Ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-Babara-Ann
Hibbleton seamlessly launches into an excellent rendition of the song, even members of Ted's Band get into the performance. At the finale, Elliot cheers.
Elliot: [Announcing her decision] Hibbleton!
I.C.U. WARD J.D. checks on a patient.
J.D.'s Narration: I suddenly found myself looking down on Mr. Kravitz, Elliot's train wreck patient from this morning. Apparently the irony wasn't lost on him either. The man's monitors begin beeping wildly as Fountains of Wayne's "All Kinds of Time" comes up. Several nurses rush over.
J.D.: You gotta be kidding, Mr. Kravitz. Twice?
Nurse: BP's dropping.
Nurse Roberts: He's becoming bradycardic.
J.D. stares in frozen panic.
Nurse Roberts: Doctor!
He glances over at the door where Elliot is looking through. She pantomimes a deep, calming breath. J.D. follows her advice.
J.D.'s Narration: And things did slow down.
Around J.D., the rushed nurses suddenly move in extremely slow motion. An expression of calm gathers on J.D.'s face, and the scene resumes its rushed pace with J.D. totally in control.
J.D.: Dopamine, run it wide open. Get me an airway, I need a pacing wire. No pulse.
He methodically begins chest compression as Elliot watches on.
J.D.'s Narration: I think the second you stop fighting it, time really is on your side.
Cut to... NURSES' STATION Carla helps Turk take money from several enthusiastic bettors.
J.D.'s Narration: And you can go on being who you are.
Cut to... CAFETERIA The Janitor gives Elliot a smile as she passes.
J.D.'s Narration: Or keep enjoying that little crush of yours.
Elliot takes her seat at J.D.'s table.
J.D.: [Raising his coffee] To you!
Elliot: [Raising hers] Cheers! What do you say we go for the first ever triple giant doctor?
J.D.: Oh, Elliot, that's impossible. I mean, I know you've got strong legs, and you're--
She grasps the plastic food tray between her thighs and snaps it in half. J.D.'s impressed.
Cut to... UPPER FLOOR PATIENT'S ROOM Dr. Cox is giving an order to one of the nurses.
Dr. Cox: I need you to place an IV on the second floor, room 208.
J.D.'s looks in the window.
J.D.: Greetings! Ha ha! Ha ha! I'm the world's most, most giant doctor! Whoa!
Down below, Elliot and Lonnie lose their balance, leaving J.D. to hang on the windowsill.
J.D.: Little help? Little help!
Dr. Cox: Sure, sure, sure.
He helps by shutting the blinds.
J.D.: Yeah, sure. Not that kind of help. [Cox whacks the window.] Agh.
Down below, Elliot and Lonnie look up helplessly.
J.D.: If I let go, will you guys catch me?
Lonnie &: No! Elliot
J.D.: Well, I'm going for it anyway!
Elliot has the good sense to move out of the way, but Lonnie stands dumbfounded below J.D. as he lets go.
There's a thud as the screen goes black.
J.D.: [Voice over] Lonnie? Lonnie!
Lonnie: [Voice over, pained] I...hate you, J.D.
The song fades.