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2x12 Dr. Jan Itor

The following is a transcript of the Scrubs episode "My New Old Friend".

ActEdit


Street -- Night
Turk and J.D. are hanging outside a movie theatre. They're both leaning against a nearby parked car. J.D. has an ice cream cone.
Turk: Where the hell is Carla, man? We're gonna miss the previews!
J.D.: Hey, you're black, right?
Turk: Here we go.
J.D.: I hate that stereotype that all black people yell at movie screens. You know? Like, you go see some horror flick, and you be yelling, like, "Don't go in there, girl, he behind the doh'!" You know? It's like...it's offensive.
Turk: You wish you were allowed to yell at the screen, don't you!
J.D.: Why does she go in there!? I mean, he's behind the doh'!
Turk laughs and slaps J.D. on the back.
J.D.'s Narration: It's weird to run into someone from the hospital out in the real world.
Dr. Kelso approaches them.
J.D.: Oh, hey, Dr. Kelso.
Turk: How...how ya doin', sir?
Dr. Kelso: I'm just Jim Dandy. Now, unless your pants are made out of Turtle Wax, I suggest you boys get your asses off of Bessy.
They move to get off Dr. Kelso's precious car.
J.D.: Oh, I'm sorr--- You named your car, huh?
The lump of ice cream falls off of J.D.'s cone right on to the hood of poor Bessy. Dr. Kelso is not thrilled.
 
 
Cut to...
Turk and J.D.'s Apartment -- Morning
J.D.'s Narration: Ultimately, life is a lot simpler at home.
J.D. comes out of his room, Elliot is waking up on the couch.
J.D.'s Narration: Unless you live with a co-worker you're crazy about, and she recently decided she can't handle sleeping with you, and she just wants to be friends.
J.D. watches her get up. She's wearing a tiny little pink negligee. This makes things hard for J.D.
There's palpable discomfort in the air.
Elliot: Oh...right. Morning, buddy!
J.D.: Morning, pal.
Elliot: I'll just go get dressed...and then, uh, we can go to work.
She moves past him into the bathroom. He watches after her.
J.D.'s Thoughts: All right, just relax. You can totally handle this.
Because he wasn't watching where he was going, he bashes into a nearby floor light.
J.D.: [trying to recover] Chop--- Chop-chop, buddy!
Cut to...
Hospital Parking Lot -- A Bit Later
Elliot has parked her moving truck in a very tiny parking space between two cars. She and J.D. must squeeze out the windows -- there's no room to open the doors.
Elliot: Told you I could fit in this spot!
J.D.: You were right. I'll just...put this guy's side-view mirror on his roof.
He does so, and continues squeezing out.
J.D.: Argh.
Elliot: Hey, J.D.
He doesn't quite get his feet under him, and falls out of the window.
J.D.: Ooh!
He jumps to his feet.
J.D.: Yes?
Elliot: I wanted to say something, you know, before we go back in there.
J.D.: G'head.
Elliot: That I understand that it's gonna be a little bit harder for you to transition into being just friends again.
J.D.: Why?
Elliot: Because...you're a guy?
J.D.: [scoffs] What does that have to do with anything?
Elliot: You're right. You know what we should do? Everything I own is in the back of this truck -- including my bed. We should just get in there, get naked, and have sex one last time -- just get it out of our system.
J.D. beams.
Flash to...
Inside The Back of the Truck
J.D. stands in his shorts. Elliot, fully clothed, furrows her brow at him.
Elliot: J.D., I was kidding to prove a point.
J.D.: I know.
She hops out of the truck.
J.D.: [to no one in particular] Oh, yeah...this is how you like it.

ActEdit


I.C.U. -- Nurses' Station
J.D. and Elliot have business here at the same time.
Elliot: Hey!
J.D.: Hey!
There's a moment of awkward silence.
Elliot: See? This is good. I don't feel weird.
J.D.: I don't feel weird.
Nurse Roberts: _I_ feel weird.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, just tell her the truth -- you're crazy about her.
J.D.: Look, Elliot---
Dr. Cox comes up behind them.
Dr. Cox: Ahhh, damn. I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I? That _wonderful_ time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet, elbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy! You can tell Uncle Coxie about the naught-aye!
Elliot: Dr. Cox, I lost my apartment, and so I was just...needing a place to stay.
Dr. Cox: So, you went over to your [air quotes] "friend's" house, and cried on his shoulder -- boo-hoo, wah -- and you, of course, comforted her because she was weak and vulnerable, and blah...blah...blah...nerdy sex. The end. Dear Lord, Laverne, how in God's name do you listen to this crap all day long?
Nurse Roberts: Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories!
Dr. Cox: Oh, you are _so_ right!
He goes back to work.
Todd shows up to make an important inquiry.
Todd: [to J.D.] Dude. What are her boobs like?
Elliot: Todd, I'm standing right here.
Todd: [to Elliot] I'm sorry. What are your boobs like?
Cut to...
Semi-Private Patient's Room
Carla is at the man's bedside. Dr. Cox enters from behind the privacy curtain.
Dr. Cox: Oh, joy of joys -- Mr. Corman, you've joined us yet again. And what imaginary disease is ailing you this time, my good man?
Carla: This time he thinks he has the Yaba virus.
Mr. Corman: [to Dr. Cox] Your hair got longer.... And I don't appreciate your tone.
Dr. Cox: Last month, you thought you had familial Mediterranean fever.
Mr. Corman: I was at my friend Kelly Papadopoulos' wedding, okay? I share a glass of ouzo with this guy named Yanos. Twenty minutes later, I'm in a cab, I gotta ask the guy to pull over because I'm gonna explode in some guy's rose garden! Now, what would _you_ think!?
Dr. Cox: Same thing I think right now: That you got yourself a bad case of the wish-you-were-sicks.
Mr. Corman: Yeah, well I read the symptoms on the internet, okay? I have Yaba!
Dr. Cox: Would you say you've been in contact with many exotic primates this year?
Mr. Corman: I have been to the zoo, yes.
Dr. Cox: And, while you were there, did you go ahead and jump right into the cage and play toss the poop with the other monkeys? Because, if you did, then yeah, you just might have Yaba. But, if that's the case, it would be way, way down on the list of your problems.
He gives the order to Carla as he leaves...
Dr. Cox: Give him a full work-up.
Carla: Okay, Mr. Corman, you know the drill.
He opens a small bag and begins pulling out various items.
Mr. Corman: Here are my vitals.
He gives her some papers.
Carla: Mm-hmm.
He pulls out a small plastic container of yellow fluid.
Mr. Corman: Here is the Mountain Dew -- I'm just kidding, that's my urine sample. And you can start timing...[sticks his own thermometer into his mouth]...now. So, how you been doing? Still seeing that surgeon?
Carla: No talking.

SceneEdit


Exam Room
Turk is checking out an elderly lady.
Turk: Okay -- vision, perfect.
Dr. Kelso enters -- in grinning, butter-up-the-patients mood.
Dr. Kelso: Hey, are you trying to make time with my best girl, sport?
He and the old woman giggle.
Dr. Kelso speaks to the old woman, elevating his voice as if she's hard of hearing....
Dr. Kelso: Now. How do you feel after surgery on your....
He struggles.
Turk: Brain!
Dr. Kelso: ...brain.
Turk: Mrs. Kay is doing great, sir. But, after this type of procedure, most people experience a diminished reaction time.
Mrs. Kay: Christopher, come here.
He leans down to her.
Turk: Hm?
She slaps him.
Mrs. Kay: Maybe you should worry about your _own_ reaction time.
Dr. Kelso laughs.
Dr. Kelso: Now, do you have a ride home today, dear?
Mrs. Kay: [proud] I drove myself.
Dr. Kelso: Well, it always warms my heart to see your face.
He ushers Turk over to the doorway.
Dr. Kelso: [quiet] I don't care what the old bat says -- I doubt she can back out of her own driveway. Tell her you're calling the DMV and having her license revoked immediately.
Turk: Why don't you tell her yourself, sir?
Dr. Kelso: 'Cause she's my friend! Don't be insensitive, son, it's ugly on you.
Cut to...
Cafeteria
Turk, J.D., Carla, and Elliot are having lunch at a table.
Turk: You guys, I can't take this sweet old lady's driver's license from her -- she reminds me of my Gram-Gram.
J.D.: Why don't you just get someone else from Surgery to do it?
Turk: Like who?
***Fantasy Sequence: The Exam Room
Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" plays as Todd wrestles the old woman for her driver's license. She does pretty well holding her own against him. There's much grunting and screaming from both of them.
Todd: Gimme it!
Todd finally gets the purse away from Mrs. Kay and snags the license. He taunts her with it.
Todd: You want this? You want this?
When she reaches for it, he snaps it away.
Todd: Psych!
There's more tussling, which ultimately ends in a creepy embrace and lip lock between the two combatants.
****
J.D.: Nevermind.
Gift Shop Girl passes the table.
Lisa: Hey, J.D.
J.D.: Oh, hey, Lisa.
Turk: Dude. With gift shop chick...did you ever 'ehn-ehn!'?
Carla: Turk! Elliot's right here!
Elliot: [laughs] Why would I care?
Carla: I'm sorry. I guess, when I was passing by J.D.'s room the other night, he was telling a _different_ Dr. Reid not to stop.
Turk: [breathy] "Ohh! Dr. Reid!" Sweet!
J.D.: You guys, this conversation is starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable, okay? And I'm sure "Dr. Reid" feels the same way.
Elliot: No I don't. You can "ehn-ehn" with anyone that you want.
J.D.'s Thoughts: So, she wants to play Chicken, huh? Well, buckle up, missy!
J.D.: Well, maybe I'll just ask Lisa out again.
Elliot: You should.
J.D.: Maybe I will!
Elliot: Cool.
J.D.: Good.
Elliot: Take it home.
J.D.: That's what I'll do.
Elliot: Let me know how it goes.
Cut to...
Gift Shop Counter
J.D. has obviously just asked Lisa out again.
Lisa: Fine. But I am taking my own car so I can escape in case you turn into a freak again.
J.D.: It's a date!

SceneEdit


Outside Mr. Corman's Room
Dr. Cox and Carla are having a confab.
Dr. Cox: It's just that the guy's here like a thousand times a year, taking up a bed. And every second I'm in there with him, it's time away from somebody I could actually help.
Carla: Well, what do you want me to do about it?
Dr. Cox: Follow my lead.
They go in.
Dr. Cox: Alas, Mr. Corman, shockingly, all your labs have come back and they're negative for...everything.
Dr. Cox crosses his arms. Carla does likewise.
Mr. Corman: Aw, come on!
Dr. Cox: Okay, I'll tell you what: You have suggested that you're feeling rather tired lately, haven't you.
Mr. Corman: I'm listening.
Dr. Cox: And that you bruise easily?
Mr. Corman: Like an old banana.
Dr. Cox: For the record, I think you're fine. But, if you'd like, we can go ahead and check out your bone marrow. Of course, that would mean sticking an enormous needle all the way through your hip -- and it's very, very, very, very excruciatingly painful. Right, Carla?
Carla: [pointedly] Yes.
Dr. Cox: Thank you, Carla. Now, what's it gonna be, there, champ? Head home and get some rest, or an afternoon of senseless, mind-numbing..._agony_?
Mr. Corman thinks about it a second.
Mr. Corman: Eh, what the hell. I'll take the giant hip needle.
Dr. Cox is stunned that his plan went this way.

SceneEdit


Doctors' Lounge
J.D. and Elliot are at the table.
J.D.'s Thoughts: All right, there's no one around. Time to tell her how you really feel.
J.D.: You know, Elliot....
Todd sits up from one of the couches.
Todd: What's up, Medical Dogs!
The Todd gets up and comes over to the table.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, you're smarter than him. Think of something clever to get him out of here.
J.D.: Hey, Todd.
J.D. tosses an imaginary object towards the door.
Todd: What the hell? Did you just throw something out into the hall?
He doesn't wait for an answer before going out into the hall to investigate, leaving J.D. and Elliot alone.
J.D.: So, anyway, Elliot....
Elliot: Hey, I found an apartment!
J.D.: Great! ...You know, but there's no rush for you to move out.
Elliot: [laughs] Well, what are we gonna do, just live with each other forever, and anytime we feel, like, lonely or vulnerable, we just hop into bed and have hot sex?
J.D.: [laughs] That would be stupid.
Elliot: We're both human, so, staying in that situation would be a big mistake.
J.D.: [lying] I know.
Todd comes back into the room and sets a tennis ball on the table in front of a somewhat surprised J.D. who, of course, picks it up and throws it back out into the hall. Todd chases after it.

SceneEdit


Admissions
J.D. watches the Janitor pack up a duffel bag of cleaning supplies.
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes when you're down, you end up taking it out on the wrong person.
J.D.: Going on vacation?
Janitor: I get it -- 'cause I'm a janitor, so, when I pack for a vacation, I just pack cleaning supplies. [laughs] That's funny!
J.D.: I thought so.
The Janitor walks over to J.D. to talk to him.
Janitor: Actually, I'm going to speak at my son's career day.
J.D.: About...being a janitor?
Janitor: What do you think, there aren't kids out there that want to grow up to make the world sparkle?
J.D.: I--I didn't mean it that way, I just....
Janitor: How did you mean it?
J.D. freezes, then juggles an imaginary object in his hands.
J.D.: Look!
He tosses the, well, nothing across the room.
The Janitor looks at him like he's crazy.
Janitor: What the hell are you doin'?

SceneEdit


Parking Lot
Turk follows after Dr. Kelso.
Turk: Dr. Kelso, will you just hear me out? All I'm saying is that Mrs. Kay looks like she's in great shape!
Dr. Kelso stops and faces Turk.
Dr. Kelso: My God, son, the woman is recovering from major surgery on her....
Turk: Brain!
Dr. Kelso: Dammit. Why do I keep blanking on that? Now, son, give me the real skinny -- did you pull her license or not?
Turk: Yes, sir, I did.
A car, being driven by Mrs. Kay, speeds straight towards them.
Turk: AGH!
Turk dives out of the way, taking Dr. Kelso with him.
The car continues until it plows straight into Dr. Kelso's car.
Turk: Okay...I didn't tell her yet, sir. But I swear I was gonna!

SceneEdit


Mr. Corman's Room
The man is recovering from his painful tests. Dr. Cox enters.
Dr. Cox: Well, Mr. Corman, how'd that go for ya?
Mr. Corman: Horrible pain. I made sounds like a dolphin giving birth.
Carla enters with a chart.
Carla: Dr. Cox, I think you should take a look at, um, Mr. Corman's chart.
Dr. Cox: Why, what's he got, scurvy? Mr. Corman? There's no chance you were on a ship in the 1700s, is there?
Carla: Just look at the damn chart.
Dr. Cox takes the chart and reads. His expression of annoyance fades into something more serious.
Mr. Corman: What is it?
Dr. Cox: You're sick.
Mr. Corman: Really?
Dr. Cox: Yeah.
Mr. Corman: Oh.

SceneEdit


Hospital Entrance
J.D. walks out the front door.
J.D.'s Narration: I feel like, if I could get out of this place, and get away from Elliot for a while, I could regroup...you know. But, sometimes, that's not so easy.
Elliot is leaning on the handrail, gazing into the parking lot.
Elliot: My truck was right there.
J.D.: Where is it now?
Elliot: You have to ask the guy who stole it. [her voice cracking] Everything I own was in that truck.
J.D. is speechless.
Elliot: J.D., I don't know what I'm gonna do!
J.D.: Wow.
Lisa's car pulls up and she beeps the horn.
J.D.: Gotta go. Good luck.
He gives her a pat on the back as he rushes down to the car.
J.D.: Tally-ho!
He leaps on the hood and slides across to the passenger side. Sliding too fast, he falls off on the other side with an "ook!" He leaps to his feet and hops in the car.
They speed off, leaving Elliot all alone with her troubles.

ActEdit


Parking Lot -- The Next Morning
Turk and J.D. are hanging out before work.
Turk: Dude, she was going like thirty-five miles an hour. All you saw was, like, knuckles and a bun.
The two laugh at the mental image.
Turk: Poor Bessy, man.
J.D.: What kind of grown man still names his car?
Turk: You do.
J.D.: Yeah, well, I've had Malik since I was seventeen; that's totally different. Don't worry about Kelso, his wife can drive him.
Turk: His wife hates him.
***Fantasy Shot: A car speeds past, only slowing slightly as Dr. Kelso is thrown from the passenger side door.
He picks himself up off the pavement and storms towards the front door of the hospital.
****
Turk tries to make pleasant as Dr. Kelso blusters past.
Turk: Morning, skipper. [to J.D.] I'm so dead.

SceneEdit


Mr. Corman's Room
Dr. Cox is delivering the news.
Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman, I'm afraid you have Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia. It is a very rare form of...of cancer.
Mr. Corman: Yeah.... I think I had that in college once.
Dr. Cox introduces the doctor with him.
Dr. Cox: This is Dr. Zeltzer. He is the finest oncologist we have on staff.
Dr. Zeltzer: Really? You think so?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I do.
Dr. Zeltzer: [touched] Thank you!
Mr. Corman: [to the oncologist] So, where do we start?
Dr. Zeltzer: Well, uh, first off, we need to--- [he interrupts himself and turns to Dr. Cox] Better than Leventhal?
Frustrated, Dr. Cox leaves the room.
Mr. Corman: Leventhal's a quack. You're the guy. You're the man. You can do it!
Dr. Zeltzer: Bless you.
Cut to...
Hall
Dr. Cox and Carla are waiting outside Mr. Corman's Room.
Dr. Zeltzer joins them.
Dr. Zeltzer: [to Dr. Cox] That was some catch. The patient shows almost no symptoms, you call for a bone marrow biopsy? What made you even think to do that?
Dr. Cox: How about, he was unbelievably annoying, and I wanted to scare him so bad that he'd never come back in my hospital again?
Dr. Cox walks away, without even waiting for a reaction. Dr. Zeltzer looks understandably stunned.
Carla covers by breaking into false laughter.
Carla: [laughing] Oh! Don't worry, Dr. Zeltzer, he's only kidding!
Dr. Zeltzer: Stupid! See, that's where Leventhal has the edge -- he woulda got that; the man is hilarious. Well, of course, he wouldn't be laughing so hard if he knew I was sleeping with his wife.
He whistles vaguely as he leaves the speechless Carla.

SceneEdit


Nurses' Station
Nurse Roberts is on the phone.
J.D. and Elliot happen to have business at the desk at the same time.
Nurse Roberts: [into phone] I don't know. I didn't know it was just your thing.
Elliot looks over at J.D.
J.D.: What?
Elliot: Nothing!
J.D.: Then what's with the look?
Elliot: Oh, I have a crick in my neck. See, uh, since I no longer have any furniture for my new place, I had to sleep in my tub last night. Oh, how was your date?
***Flashback: A Restaurant
J.D. and Lisa eat in practical silence.
J.D.: Italian people are really good at making sauce.
Lisa: Mmm.
****
J.D.: Fantastic!
Elliot: You're such an ass.
Nurse Roberts: [holding the phone towards them] Could you speak up? Mr. Roberts doesn't hear so well.
Elliot: Laverne, if you're looking for your beeswax, none of that is over here, okay?!
Nurse Roberts: [into phone] Now she all mad.
Elliot: [to J.D.] Look, I really just needed your help last night, and you completely bailed on me.
J.D.: You're the one that drew all these lines up, said that we're not in a relationship right now.
Elliot: J.D., I wasn't looking for a boyfriend last night -- I was looking for a friend.
She walks off.
Nurse Roberts: [into phone] Guess she told him.
J.D. shoots her a look.
Nurse Roberts: [into phone] Gotta go.
Cut to...?
The Janitor comes up to J.D. with an armload of stuff.
J.D.: Ow.
Janitor: I was just thinkin' about what you said, and, uh, you're right -- buncha kids don't want to hear about being a janitor.
J.D.: I never said that.
Janitor: It's okay. 'Cause, instead, I'm gonna be a doctor. I borrowed some stuff from your locker -- _our_ locker -- and, um...listen, if I don't get it back to you within, like, two days...consider it gone.

SceneEdit


Hall
Turk is trying to explain himself to Dr. Kelso.
Turk: Dr. Kelso, I am so sorry. It's just, Mrs. Kay told me about picking up her grand-kids, and she said she was feeling fine, and I believed her.
Dr. Kelso: Doctor, follow me.
They go into an exam room, where a young man is sitting on the table.
Dr. Kelso: [to the patient] Son, have you used drugs in the last forty-eight hours?
Patient: Oh, no, sir. Never use drugs.
Dr. Kelso: Because this shot you're about to get could kill you if it's mixed with narcotics.
Patient: Oh, drugs! Yes, sir, all the time!
Dr. Kelso takes Turk back out into the hall.
Dr. Kelso: See? Waiting for the tox-screen -- six hours. Frightening the bejeebies out of the local riff-raff -- ten seconds. Everybody lies, Dr. Turk. Whether it's that doobie brother in there, or, say, me when I tell my son he can still live at the house after he graduates from art school. And, by the way, sport: Mrs. Kay doesn't _have_ any grandchildren.
Cut to... Turk seeing a young woman in the Exam Room...
Girl: I'm still a virgin.
Turk: You're pregnant.
Girl: [sighs] Again!?
Cut to... Turk seeing a rather large middle-aged man in the Exam Room...
Man: Since the bypass, doc, nothin' but salads.
He pats his protruding belly.
Cut to... Turk bent over, intently examining a young man's bared midsection in the Exam Room...
Guy: Look, it was an accident. My...flashlight didn't have any batteries.
Turk: So, you decided to put your _penis_ in there...?

SceneEdit


Mr. Corman's Room
Carla is checking on the man. Dr. Cox enters.
Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman. Great news: Dr. Zeltzer and I have gone over your test results, and your prognosis is excellent.
Mr. Corman: That's great.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, it is!
Mr. Corman: But you know what? You guys can pat yourself on the back all you want, but I'm not an idiot. I know that you were screwing with me; that I come in here sometimes, thinking I'm sick when I'm not. But if you remember anything, you remember this: If it turns out I didn't have cancer, I coulda been just some guy coming in here, looking for help...that you treated like crap.
Dr. Cox: [small] Yeah.
Dr. Cox humbly exits the room.
Mr. Corman: The whole thing has given me an ulcer.
Carla: You wanna be tested for that, too, don't you?
Mr. Corman: Do ya mind?

SceneEdit


I.C.U.
J.D. stops Elliot between patients.
J.D.: Hey, uh, Elliot.... Look, you were right -- I...I should have been there for you last night.
Elliot: Thanks.
J.D.: And I'm sorry you lost all your things, that totally sucks. How're you holding up?
Elliot: You know what? It was just stuff. I'm fine.
They walk together.
Elliot: This is good! It feels like we've really turned a corner, you know?
J.D.'s Thoughts: Throw her down on that gurney and mount her like a lion.
J.D.: I know!

SceneEdit


Nurses' Station
Dr. Cox and Carla are taking a moment.
Dr. Cox: Why didn't you stop me?
Carla: What?
Dr. Cox: Why did you let me harass that guy?
Carla: So, you think the fact that you got annoyed and became incredibly insensitive with another human being is _my_ fault?
Dr. Cox: Sh'yeah! Lookit, whenever I'm about to do some stupid-ass stuff, you're the one who calls me on it, and you're then damn-sure the one who makes me stop. That's the way it works. That's the way it's worked for years, and.... Just exactly what happened to that?
Carla: I guess I just don't get as good a read on you as I used to. ...Maybe all that therapy _has_ changed you?
Dr. Cox: Oh, please, I'm crazier than ever. Lookit, during this entire conversation, I've actually been imagining myself sitting on a throne between us, watching all of this.
Carla: Maybe we're just not as close as we used to be.
Dr. Cox: Maybe.
There's a moment of silence.
Carla: So, you're just, like, right here, watching us?
She gestures to her right at the space between them.
Dr. Cox: No.... Other side.
She points to the left with a questioning expression.
Dr. Cox: M'yeah.
She looks at the spot, not really knowing what to think.
Dr. Cox: I'm...invisible to the naked eye.
Carla: 'Course.

SceneEdit


Turk and J.D.'s Apartment -- Evening
Turk is slumped on the couch. J.D. comes in from the bedroom, nicely dressed.
J.D.: Why so sad, chocolate bear?
Turk: I just don't feel like going back to that hospital, you know?
J.D.: Yeah.... Hey, is my breath okay? Because I think Lisa and I actually might try talking tonight.
He leans down near Turk.
Turk: Dude, that whole damn building is packed with liars!
J.D.: It is not.
***Fantasy Sequence: A Classroom
The Janitor stands at the front of a class of what look like 9- or 10-year-olds. He's wearing all of J.D.'s stuff.
Janitor: Well, if the cut was that deep, I'd probably just, uh, pull your arm off.
The entire class gasps with horror.
The Janitor goes back to the chalkboard where he has written his name.
Janitor: Once again: _Doctor_..._Jan_ _Itor_. Dr. Jan Itor.
(He pronounces the name "Yan Eetor")
****
J.D.: Okay, maybe you're right. But, we're doctors, man. I mean, that comes with the territory; some patients just don't like telling the whole truth.
Turk: Well, I don't get why people have to do that.
J.D.: I don't know.... Maybe it's 'cause they're proud...maybe it's 'cause they're scared....
***Flashback: Elliot in the I.C.U earlier.
Elliot: You know what, it was just stuff! I'm fine.
****
J.D.: Maybe it's because telling the truth would make them feel too vulnerable.
Turk: I guess. Dude, you're gonna be late for Gift Shop Girl.
J.D.: Oh, my God!
He rushes out the door.
Then rushes back, where Turk has pulled out some mints for him.
Howie Day's "She Says" begins to play.
J.D.'s Narration: There are a few things I've always believed in....
J.D. rushes back out.
J.D.'s Narration: Flowers are good for any occasion.
J.D. has a lovely bouquet in hand as he knocks on an apartment door.
J.D.'s Narration: And nothing is more important than making time for an old friend.
Dr. Cox and Carla are shooting pool in the bar.
J.D.'s Narration: Especially if the old girl's seen better days.
Dr. Kelso is buffing poor Bessy. He weeps when he looks at her damage.
J.D.'s Narration: 'Cause even if it breaks your heart to be 'just friends', if you really care about someone, you'll take the hit.
J.D. is at Elliot's empty apartment, the two of them sitting together on the floor. J.D.'s bouquet is set up nearby.
Elliot sobs on his shoulder.
Elliot: [crying] It wasn't just stuff! It was all of my yearbooks.... And this little pink blanket that my grandmother had crocheted for me and...all of my first love letters!
Elliot continues to mourn her personal treasures as the camera pulls back and the music starts to fade.
Elliot: [sobs] ....And my shoes!!!! [bawls]

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