Dr. Cox and Jordan -- who is pushing the baby in a stroller -- are walking through. They stop next to where J.D. is.
Jordan: I can't believe you're bitching 'cause I asked you to look after him for an hour three days a week! Do you know how badly I need a massage?
Dr. Cox: What's the matter? Are you getting all sore around that hump above your butt where your tail used to be?
Jordan: I'm going 'cause when Gustavo promises me something will feel great and last an hour, he doesn't end up in the shower five minutes later thinking he made me see God!
Dr. Cox: [pointing to self] So not Gustav! Busy doctor!
J.D.'s Thoughts: I think Dr. Cox would be more willing to help if he knew it was his baby.
J.D. leans over to look at the baby.
***Fantasy Sequence: The baby's got Dr. Cox face. Really.
Baby: [with Cox voice] Whatta you say, there, Stephanie; how about _you_ step up to the plate and tell the guy. My God! I'm only three weeks old, and already I've got more stones than you do -- and one of mine hasn't even dropped yet.
J.D.: It's not my place to tell!
Baby: [mocking] Wah! Wah! Wah!
Dr. Cox: Newbie, I know that your ovaries are absolutely tingling at the very sight of this little fella, but you gotta snap out of it!
J.D.: Oh, I gotta get to that funeral.
Dr. Cox: Well, raise my rent if you're not off to see Tasty Coma Wife, aren't you! [explaining to Jordan] Her husband was in a coma so long, that she actually forgot what an attractive male looked like -- enter Errol Flynn...whose conscience will not allow him to either swash or buckle her. But, since hubby is now worm food, I'm guessing all bets are off? Mm-hmm?
Jordan: Listen, later on, if you have trouble getting the baby to sleep? Just tell him that story. Yeah.
J.D.: Well...I'm gonna get going.
J.D.'s Narration: Luckily, no one else'll bust my chops about the funeral. Because around here, you tend to get wrapped up in your own world.
J.D.'s Narration: Whether you're trying to plan your day...
J.D. passes Todd talking to himself.
Todd: Should I take a dookie before or after I lift weights? Mmmm....after!
J.D.'s Narration: ...or trying to live out your deepest fantasies.
J.D. passes an empty room, where the Janitor is playing doctor -- his mop is playing patient.
Janitor: Dammit! Don't you die on me! [grabs defibrillator paddles] Clear! Kgh-bgghhhh!
J.D.'s Narration: ...Maybe you're trying to break in the soles of your new Italian shoes...
J.D. stops to allow Dr. Kelso to walk stiffly past, with Ted the Lawyer in tow.
Lawyer: Sir, those shoes look a little small for you.
J.D.'s Narration: ...or break down the spirit of your old whipping boy.
Dr. Kelso: What do you know about appearances, Ted? Have you looked in a mirror?
Lawyer: Not lately. But when I do, it's reflection perfection!
J.D.'s Narration: One way or another, everyone finds a way to make it all about themselves.
J.D. comes up to the Nurses' Station.
Nurse Roberts: I gotta fix my own damn copy machine 'cause the maintenance man claims he's got more important things to do!
J.D.: Isn't he fixing the heat down in Pediatrics?
Nurse Roberts: Whatever!
J.D.'s Narration: As for me, no matter what Dr. Cox thinks, I wasn't going to that funeral to hit on Jamie....
The Funeral Home
J.D., wearing a nice dark suit and tie, comes down the stairs to the parlor.
J.D.'s Narration: ...I was going to pay my respects.
He trips down the last few steps. He quickly picks himself up and approaches Jamie.
Jamie: J.D.! I'm so happy you came!
J.D.: Well, you look fantastic! And, you know, I don't mean "Hey, dude, check out that hot bitty at the bar!" 'fantastic' -- I'm talking about "I'm sorry for your loss" 'fantastic'.
Jamie: Do you wanna grab a drink?
J.D.: Yeah, let's get the hell out of here.
Jamie: Oh, I was actually talking about him.
She points to the waiter behind J.D., who is holding a tray of drinks.
J.D.: Oh, yeah, I know! So--so was I.
He grabs one of the glasses and takes a sip.
Jamie: Oh, no! You have to order -- he's bussing those.
J.D. spits the contents back into the glass.
J.D.: Somebody's a smoker!
The Hospital -- Doctor's Lounge
Carla and Elliot hover over Turk who is sound asleep on one of the couches.
Carla: Awww...look at my baby sleep. Isn't he an angel? I wonder what's going on in that shiny head of his?
Turk makes little whimpering noises in his sleep.
***Turk's Dream: Exam Room
Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" fills the scene of Turk, lying naked on the table. Nurse Elliot -- in full kink mode, barely wearing her microscopic uniform -- approaches him.
Turk is rather surprised as she climbs onto the table with him, blowing a bubble with her gum, and dancing her fingers over his chest as she straddles him.
Elliot: This'll only hurt a little.
She kisses him.
Back at The Funeral Home...
J.D. is preparing to leave.
Jamie: Thanks again for coming.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Just get out without doing any more damage.
J.D.: I had a blast.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Nice job!
She bites her lip, looking sad that he's leaving.
J.D.: I'll see ya.
J.D. slams Jamie against the far wall as they passionately make out, pulling each other's clothes off, to the leftover strains of "Let's Get It On"
***Turk and Elliot continue making out on the exam table in his dream.
He awakes with a start and shouts in alarm at the sight of Carla, then screams when he notices Elliot.
Ted catches sight of his reflection...and screams.
There's a short in the Janitor's defibrillator paddles, and he's shocked...he screams.
Dr. Kelso is looking at his bloodied foot, injured by his new shoes...and screams.
Ted is still screaming.
Nurse Roberts meets misfortune with her attempt to fix the copy machine...and screams.
Todd is pressing some heavy weights. He screams under the pressure...and farts.
Flash back to...
Funeral Home -- Parlor
The gathered family and friends are startled by Jamie's orgasmic screams from the closet.
After a moment, a disheveled J.D. sticks his head out the closet door to explain.
J.D.: Oh! Oh! Heh. I'm sorry, everyone. I...I dropped something on my toe. [screams to imitate Jamie] "Ahhhhhh!...AHHAAAAHHHH!" ...You know.... Carry on.
He closes the door again, grabbing a flower out of the arrangement next to him on the way.
The Funeral Home -- Closet
J.D. stands around awkwardly as Jamie puts her clothes back on.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, she's probably feeling awful, so say something reassuring.
J.D.: You're going to hell.
Jamie: J.D., we've been over this. I loved my husband, but he's been dead to me for two years. I mean, I can't tell you how happy I am to finally have some closure. ...And my first orgasm in, like, forever!
J.D.: You know, Jamie, there are a lot of ways to grieve. Um.... But, last time I checked, wheelbarrow-style wasn't one of them.
Jamie: I am okay, J.D. I'm really seeing things clearly.
J.D.: You've never been more confused.
Jamie: I'm happy!
J.D.: You're sad.
Jamie: I'm at peace.
J.D.: You're at war!
Jamie: I think it's really cute that you're worried about me. [kisses him] But when am I gonna see you again?
Jordan and Dr. Cox are walking through the I.C.U. to the elevator. He's pushing the baby in the stroller.
Jordan: All right, I will see you at home in about an hour. Remember to keep him warm, support his head, check his diaper every fifteen minutes; no bouncing around, no loud noise, no TV, no poking the soft spot. And, Perry, you're the only one in my life that I actually have to say this to: Do not yell at, demean, insult, criticize, humiliate, or mock the baby.
Dr. Cox: What are you talking about?
The baby whimpers.
Dr. Cox: Waaaah! [to Jordan] Now, have you bothered to name this thing yet?
Jordan: I'm thinking of naming him after my father.
Dr. Cox: "Tax E. Vader"?
Dr. Cox: What about a heterosexual name, like Jack?
Jordan: You're right, Percival, "Quinn" is a foofy name.
Dr. Cox: You know what, skip "Jack" altogether and just go with whatever you think is right -- whatever makes you comfortable.
Dr. Cox's Apartment
He's on the couch, hovering over the baby.
Dr. Cox: Jack-Jack-Jack-Jack-Jack-Jack-Jack-Jack-Jack...Jack!
The name means nothing to the kid.
Dr. Cox: Nothin', huh? Aye-aye-aye.
He grabs the remote and flips on the TV.
Dr. Cox: [remembering] Oh!
He flips it off again.
Dr. Cox: My God, this is so boring!
Carla, Turk, and Elliot are at a table.
While Carla is going over some lists, Turk uncomfortably watches Elliot make love to an ice cream sundae.
Carla: Between my list of family and friends and your list of family and friends, we have like 400 people coming to this wedding! How are we gonna cut this down?
Elliot: Out of curiosity, whose list did I end up on, yours or Turk's?
Carla looks over the lists.
Elliot: Let me see!
She reaches for the papers, but Carla holds them away.
Carla: I gotta go!
She jumps up from the table and leaves.
Elliot: What's her problem? I'm starting to wonder if my prescription deodorant isn't working!
Elliot: It's not for the odor, it's for the wetness. See!
She rubs her hand under her arm and pushes her fingers towards Turk. He jumps back.
Turk: Whoa! Woman! Don't touch me!
Elliot: You're right. I have got to stop touching my pits and rubbing them on people.
Turk: Yes, you do! Still, it's not that.... I sorta had a sex dream about you.
Elliot: [excited] Really?
Elliot: [more excited] Was I the girl?
Turk: Yeah, you were the girl! Can you just do me a favor, though? Don't tell Carla about this, because she'll just get all jealous and disgusted.
Elliot: But...we haven't done anything for her to be disgusted by.
Turk: Oh, yeah, we did.
J.D.'s Car -- A Country Road -- Night
J.D. is driving back home from the funeral.
J.D.'s Thoughts: I'm gonna try not to call Jamie, because I know in my heart she shouldn't be in a relationship yet. But still, there were a lot of questions: Was she gonna be okay? Did I leave my underwear at the funeral home? And -- good Lord! -- how did I end up in the middle of nowhere without realizing I've never had to pee this badly in my entire life!?
He screeches to a halt and leaps out of the car. He finds some bushes and unzips.
Unfortunately, the bushes he has selected are near a house...a house whose occupant has just turned on a light in one of the rooms.
J.D.: Uh! Oh!
That occupant is the Janitor. And the room is the bathroom.
J.D.: Oh, my God!
J.D. stares as the Janitor climbs into his shower and hums a merry tune as he washes.
J.D.: Oh. My. God.
Hospital, I.C.U. -- The Next Day
J.D. and Dr. Cox are walking through.
Dr. Cox: So, you caught sight of the Janitor's window crank, and think you may have seen a little melanoma on there? Hmm! Well, then, it's your obligation as a doctor and your privilege as a woman to go back and ask him if you can't see it one more time. Now, 'course I'd love to help, but I'm off to baby-sit the only other being on God's green earth who's needier than you. And, in the meantime, I need you to go in and tell Mr. Mueller that his liver has lesions on it and it doesn't look good.
He gives the chart to J.D.
J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately, Mr. Mueller doesn't speak a word of English.
Mr. Mueller's Room
J.D.: Hi, Mr. Mueller.
Mr. Mueller: Warum so kalt hier?
Subtitles: "Why is it so cold in here?"
Mr. Mueller: Ich sollte eine Heizung dabei haben.
Subtitles: "I should have a space heater."
Mr. Mueller: ...oder eine Brust Krankenschwester bei mir unter die Bettdecke.
Subtitles: "...or a big chesty nurse to climb under the covers with me."
Nurse Roberts enters with a dosage of medication.
Mr. Mueller: Danke! [Thanks!]
Nurse Roberts: What he "danke"in' you for?
J.D.: I don't know. This is so frustrating! I just wish there was some way we could connect!
***Fantasy Sequence: To the tune of Nena's "99 Luftballons", J.D. and Mr. Mueller dance amid -- that's right -- 99 red balloons.
J.D.: Nah, that would never work.
Nurse Roberts leaves, with Mr. Mueller watching after her appreciatively.
Dr. Cox's Apartment
Boredom persuaded Dr. Cox to break a few of Jordan's rules. He's got a beer, he's got the TV blaring a game.... He's also got Jordan coming home.
He frantically ditches all evidence of his rule-breaking and zips over to the baby, who he looks at adoringly as Jordan enters.
Jordan: There's my boys!
Dr. Cox: Ohhh, has it been an hour already?
Jordan: I know! Sometimes I get lost just looking at his face!
She sits next to Perry to look at the baby.
Dr. Cox: Yeah! Unfortunately, I'm not gonna be able to do this tomorrow on account of Kelso's got me doing a cardiology lecture.
Jordan: Oh, don't worry about it.
Dr. Cox looks heavenward and mouths "Thank you!"
She glances at him and he goes back to adoring the baby.
Dr. Cox: It's just tough to miss precious moments like this!
Carla is working behind the desk, and Elliot is stopped on the other side.
Turk comes up to Carla.
Turk: Hey, Baby!
Carla: So how's it work? You get to spend all night fantasizing about 'Nilla Wafer, here, and I get to be happy with whatever "Hey, Baby" you throw my way? Forget it!
She angrily slams down her chart and storms off.
Turk turns to Elliot.
Turk: What the hell, Elliot!?
Elliot: It slipped out! I'm sorry!
Turk: Sorry's not good enough.
Elliot: You're right.
She bends over, waving her bottom at him.
He spanks her -- hard.
Elliot: Oh! HARDER, DAMMIT! I've been bad.
Turk licks his hand, and holds it up, preparing to give her another hard spank....
Flash to... OR
Turk is holding up his hand in the middle of surgery. The whole spanking thing was only a daydream.
Surgeon: Dr. Turk.
Surgeon: Do you have a question?
Turk: No, sir!
Surgeon: The Todd will close.
Turk: [quietly to Todd] Dude, I'm freaking out! I can't stop having sex dreams about Elliot!
Todd: Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing! All done. Continue.
Turk: Every time I close my eyes, she's doing something kinky. Very, _very_ kinky.
J.D. enters. He sees the Janitor standing at one of the urinals.
J.D.'s Thoughts: This is perfect! In here, I can just "accidentally" see his wiener and then give him medical advice! Just be subtle.
J.D. goes over to the urinal next to the Janitor, who is vaguely humming like a foghorn, and peers over.
Janitor: Can I take your order?
J.D.: How come you're not unzipped?
Janitor: 'Cause I'm not peeing! This is where I come to take my breaks. If I stand around out there, everyone tells me to do stuff.
J.D.: Look, uh.....[pauses to think].....Janitor--
The Janitor rolls his eyes.
J.D.: --I'm gonna be straight with you: I saw your penis, and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked out.
Janitor: When did you see my penis?
J.D.: Last night, when you were showering.
Janitor: Where were you?
J.D.: Oh, I was outside, in the bushes.
The Janitor takes a second to process this answer.
J.D.: Look, it was just a coincidence, man -- I mean, i-i-if you had looked out the window, you'd have seen my penis, you know!
Janitor: What!?! Why?
J.D.: Because I had it out while I was looking at yours!
J.D. walks through.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, regroup.
Mr. Mueller's Room
J.D. enters, where another man is standing next to Mr. Mueller's bed. He approaches J.D.
Hermann: Hey, you must be Dr. Dorian. I am, uh, Rolf's brother, Hermann.
J.D.: Hermann the German! You must get that all the time!
Hermann: No, first time....
Hermann: Let's hope it catches on!
They both laugh politely.
J.D.: Uh, well, uh, I could really use your help translating.
Hermann: Oh, sure.
They turn to Mr. Mueller and J.D. opens the chart.
J.D.: Uh, I got the, uh, results back from your biopsy...
Hermann: Wir werden dich zu einem... (We are going to get you to...)
J.D.: ...the lesions in your liver...
Hermann: Es sieht so aus, als ob du... (It looks like you...)
J.D.: ...are... consistent with metastatic pancreatic cancer.
Hermann: ...metastatic und pancreatic Krebs du hast. (metastatic and pancreatic cancer you have.) All of the syntactic and grammar errors are sic.
Mr. Mueller: Was ist denn meine Prognose? (What is my prognosis?)
Hermann: Eh, what is the prognosis?
J.D.: It's not good.
Hermann: Es wird alles gut gehen. (Everything is going to be fine.)
Mr. Mueller digests the information with a sigh.
Hermann: [to J.D.] Okay.
J.D.'s Narration: The key to any good relationship is communication.
Turk has turfed his surgery patient, and is having a conversation with the man. Carla enters.
Carla: Hi, Baby.
He wraps his arms around her and they kiss.
J.D.'s Narration: If you're not open with someone, it's gonna catch up with you.
Patient: This is so weird -- I could swear that while I was in surgery, I heard you describing these sexy dreams about someone named Elliot!
Carla pulls back in shock.
J.D.'s Narration: If you're not honest, you'll end up getting busted.
Dr. Cox is playing basketball with a few other doctors.
Jordan arrives with the baby.
Dr. Cox stops and spins the ball on his finger.
Dr. Cox: [covering] So, to summarize: If this basketball was a non ST-elevation myocardial infarction, Glycoprotein 2B3A inhibitors would be initiated early on....
His game mates look at him impatiently.
Dr. Cox: [to Jordan] You buying this?
Jordan: No. Can I see that?
She takes the ball and leaves.
J.D.'s Narration: Eh, but what do I know about good relationships? Two days ago, I had funeral sex.
I.C.U. -- Nurses' Station
J.D. comes across Elliot.
Elliot: Hey! I just met your patient, Mr. Mueller; we had such a nice chat.
J.D.: You speak German?
Elliot: Yeah! I can do a sweet little milkmaid: Guten Morgen, möchten Sie die Kühe melken? (Good morning, do you want to milk the cows?)
Elliot: I can do an evil old hausfrau (housewife): ESS DEIN SCHNITZEL, SONST KRIEGST DU KEIN NACHTISCH! (EAT YOUR SCHNITZEL, OR YOU WON'T GET ANY DESSERT!)
J.D.: German's such a beautiful language.... Anyhoo, I think Mr. Mueller's so amazing. I mean, yesterday, I pretty much told him he was gonna die; and his brother turned to him and he said, "Es wird alles wieder gut." And Mr. Mueller just accepted it!
Elliot: Well, why wouldn't he? "Es wird alles wieder gut" means "You're going to be fine."
J.D. looks back into Mr. Mueller's room. The man gives a happy thumb's up, and Elliot returns it.
Elliot and J.D. are there, as Mr. Mueller is wheeled back to his room, ostensibly from a round of tests.
Mr. Mueller: [to Elliot] Sobald ich nach Hause komme, werde ich eine ganze Schokoladentorte essen!!
J.D.: Please tell me he just said, "My brother told me the truth, and I'm dealing with it the best that I can."
Elliot: He said, "As soon as I get home, I'm eating an entire chocolate cake."
Mr. Mueller's brother passes through on his way back to the man's room.
J.D.: You mind telling me why you lied to your brother about this ____ condition!?
Hermann: You--you talk too fast.
Elliot: He said, <A name title="Why did you lie to your brother?">"Warum haben sie ihren Bruder angelogen?"</A>
Hermann: <A name title="I didn't want to scare my brother, asshole!">Ich wollte meinen Bruder nicht Angst machen. Arschloch.</A>
Elliot: He didn't want to upset his brother, jackass!
J.D.: Fine, just tell him that lying to his brother isn't gonna make him any better!
Nurse Roberts interrupts the conversation to give J.D. a chart.
Nurse Roberts: We got Mr. Mueller's ultrasound back.
J.D.: [reading] His Biliary obstruction's relieved, and he's taking P.O.
Hermann: That's good, yes?
Elliot: [translating J.D.'s Russian] Ja.
Dr. Kelso and Ted the Lawyer are walking through.
Dr. Kelso: Ted, I need you to crunch the numbers on next year's budget.
Lawyer: Sir, that would be a job for the accounting department -- I'm an attorney.
Dr. Kelso: Uh-huh, and speaking of crunching, I have been jonesing for some Double-Stuff Oreos all day. Why don't you see if you can't hook me up?
They part ways at the Nurses' Station, where J.D. and Dr. Cox are conferring.
J.D.: ...And now, Mr. Mueller's doing so much better, I'm not even sure telling him the truth about his pancreatic cancer is even the best thing for him.
Dr. Cox: So, what you're saying is that you have a problem that is totally your problem, but you'd like to find a way to make that problem my problem. But here's the problem, Newbie: it's not my problem. So whatta you say we stop talking about the Janitor's junk; I'd like to hear nahsing about ze German; and don't even mention Tasty Coma Wife, even though I know she's on your mind.
J.D.: No she's not!
***Fantasy: Jamie is on J.D.'s back.
Jamie: Yes I am!
J.D. throws her off.
Dr. Cox: Well, since we are sharing: I have to go home and face Jordan and tell her that I didn't ditch her little hatchling on account of being lazy -- I did it because, whenever I'm alone with that child, do you know what I feel? Nothing.
So whatta you say, you wanna--you wanna trade your big problems for mine?
J.D.: No thanks.
Dr. Cox: It was worth a try.
Nurse Roberts: What was that about?
J.D. gives her a look.
Nurse Roberts: You're right, I'm sorry! I've been working really hard the past few months on not being such a busy-body.
On the other side of the station, Carla is giving Turk the what-for.
Carla: So, tell me, Turk, was she a good kisser?
Nurse Roberts: [to J.D.] Excuse me.
She pushes her chair over to be closer to where Turk and Carla are having their argument.
Carla: Turk! If you're already having dreams about another woman, maybe you're not ready for marriage!
She takes off her ring and holds it out to him.
Carla: Just take it!
He reaches for the ring, and she snatches it away.
Carla: Are you crazy!? Baby, it was only a sex dream! Everybody has them...
She turns around to find someone to back her up. She sees the Lawyer.
Carla: ...right, Ted?
Lawyer: Oh, no, not me...I just have the one dream over and over -- I hold his head under the water 'til that last bubble goes "bloop."
Dr. Kelso passes through.
Dr. Kelso: Ted! What's the E.T.A. on those Double-Stuffs?
J.D. has finished checking the Janitor's...uh..."junk."
J.D.: Okay. Uh, I still want to refer you to a dermatologist, but it looks benign to me.
Janitor: [looking down] Benign...be nine and a half....
J.D.'s Narration: And then he said something I never expected to hear.
Janitor: I don't like you.
J.D.'s Narration: Not that -- I totally expected that.
Janitor: ...But, I know this was uncomfortable, and, uh, I appreciate your concern.
He pats J.D. on the shoulder.
J.D.: I'm a doctor. I had to tell you what was going on.
He pats the Janitor on the shoulder.
Janitor: Don't touch me with those hands.
Turk and Elliot are sitting side-by-side on one of the couches, watching TV.
Elliot: This is awkward.
Turk: Yeah, Elliot, could you, uh, be quiet please?
Elliot: Okay. But if it gets too quiet, you could just fall asleep, and then I might just creep into your head and rock your world! Unh!
Turk: Elliot, you don't get it, do you? Look, ever since I met Carla, I haven't dreamt about another woman.
Elliot: Turk! You're engaged. I mean, it's a huge commitment! It's totally natural to feel trapped or uncertain...maybe even a little scared?
Nurse Roberts is sitting outside the door.
Nurse Roberts: Uh-huh.
They look over at her.
Nurse Roberts: Sorry.
She pushes her chair back, away from the door.
Turk and J.D.'s Apartment -- Turk's Bedroom -- Night
Turk stares at the ceiling, while Carla is almost falling asleep.
Turk: Have you dreamt of anyone since we got engaged?
Carla: No, Baby, but I understand. Come here, let me give you something to dream about.
She turns over to him....
*** But in his place is Ted the Lawyer.
Lawyer: See if you can find my tattoo!
Startled, she bolts up.
Next to her, Turk is sound asleep.
Dr. Cox's Apartment
Jordan is on the couch with the baby. Dr. Cox comes home.
Dr. Cox: Hey, Jordan.
Jordan: You know, it's funny -- I can't even be pissed and want you to die, screaming in agony, as two horses pull you apart when I'm looking at this beautiful face.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, I gotta...I gotta tell you something.
He sits down on the couch next to her.
Jordan: You know, I love my dad, but he just doesn't look like a "Quinn."
Dr. Cox: Maybe that's because he's not drunk and yelling at your mother.
Jordan: What are you? A "Kevin"? A "Billy"?
Dr. Cox: Jack?
The baby smiles.
Jordan: Wow. All right. Jack it is. What the hell! All right, you take him.
She hands the baby over to Dr. Cox and gets up.
Jordan: So, what did you want to tell me?
He doesn't answer for a moment, as he and the baby look at each other.
There's finally a connection.
Dr. Cox: Nothing.... Nothing.
Mr. Mueller's Room
Elliot and J.D. are with Mr. Mueller.
Elliot: <A name title="Even though it's gotten better, you still have to be aware of the severity/seriousness of your situation.">Obwohl es sich schon so gebessert hat, sollten sie sich trotzdem bewusst sein, wie ernst ihre Lage ist.</A>
Mr. Mueller: <A name title="Then why did my brother lie to me?">Also, warum hat mein Bruder mir verlügt?</A>
Elliot: He wants to know why his brother lied to him.
J.D.: Uh...I guess he was trying to protect you. Or maybe he thought he was trying to protect you, but he was actually protecting himself.
Elliot: Hang on, I forgot what "protect" is, and you used it, like, five times. [thinks] <A name title="He probably wanted to protect you from it.">Er wollte sie bestimmt...davor schützen.</A>
J.D.: "...Davor schützen..."
Mr. Mueller: So ist mein Bruder...
Elliot: [translating] "Just like my brother..."
Mr. Mueller: ...denkt immer, er weiß was besser für mich ist.
Elliot: "...always thinking he knows what's best for me."
J.D.'s Narration: It's funny how one person can lead you to another. I mean, I knew Mr. Mueller's brother shouldn't have tried to protect him, and yet I was doing the same thing to someone else.
J.D. enters and approaches a table where Jamie is eating with a couple.
J.D.: Excuse me, Jamie?
Jamie: J.D.? Wha--?
J.D.: I treated a patient today who was mad at his brother for presuming to know what's best for him. And that got me thinking. Because I was freaking out that we hooked up in the closet at the funeral, I did the same thing to you! So...if you're really ready, let's go for it! 'Cause, I'm crazy about you, and you're right -- your husband's gone, and he's never coming back!
J.D.: Who are these lovely people?
Jamie: These are my late husband's parents.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Oh, God. How can I make this right?
***Fantasy Sequence: The restaurant is filled with red balloons, and J.D., Jamie, and her former in-laws happily dance to "99 Luftballons".
J.D.'s Thoughts: If only....