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My Hero transcript

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The following is a transcript of the Scrubs episode "My Hero".

ActEdit

(Missed the first few seconds, but J.D. walks into the hospital one morning and sees The Janitor sitting down looking blue. He narrates that he can't believe he's about to do this and asks The Janitor if he's okay.)

Janitor: You people, you think of me as nothing but The Janitor!!

J.D.: That's not true.

Janitor: What's my name?

(J.D. tries to look at his ID badge but the Janitor slaps his hand over it to cover it up.)

J.D.: Uh, I know the nurses call you Sir Plunge-A-Lot.

Janitor: I know.

J.D.: Ah, come on, I'm sure you don't know my name, so--

Janitor: John Michael Dorian.

J.D.: How'd you know my middle name?

Janitor: Because I care!

J.D. Narration: Today seems like a good day to hide out in one of my patient's rooms.

(Cut to an empty hospital room with Jordan looking pissed.)

Jordan: You, my friend, are an incompetent fool.

J.D. Narration: Unless, of course, my patient is missing.

Jordan: Where's my brother?

J.D.: I don't--

Jordan: Oh, oh, if you say "I don't know," I'll show you what I learned last week in my crotch-punching class!

(She storms out and shoulder checks J.D. as she passes.)

J.D.: I... think it's great that you're going back to school!

(Cut to the hallway. J.D. catches up with Jordan.)

Jordan: Why would he wander off? Oh! Maybe he went to a real hospital!

J.D.: Jordan, he found out he had leukemia yesterday. It's life-changing news. You can't be surprised if he's a little depressed.

(They round the corner and find Ben in the children's ward playing with the kids. He has a young girl up on his shoulder.)

Ben: Hey, Doc, this guy's got something on his shoulder you might want to take a look at!

J.D.: Ben, put the small children down.

(He rushes over to Ben and the kids. Ben picks up a young boy by the back of his shirt.)

Ben: Anybody missing one of these?

J.D.: No, Ben. Ben! Okay, okay...

(J.D. takes the little boy and puts him down. Ben puts the girl on his shoulder on the nearby table. The kids are all giggling and laughing.)

Ben: (to the little girl) You heard the good doctor. Come on, you'll have to sit this one out. (to J.D.) You know, my hands are free which leaves me to do... this!

(He grabs J.D. and throws him over his shoulder. He starts swinging J.D. around like he's a little kid.)

J.D.: No, Ben! Ben, seriously! Ben! Not funny! Ben, stop! Ben, put me down. Ben! (beat) Fasterrrr! Whooooooo! Ha ha ha ha ha! Eeeee-eagle! Whooo hoooo!

(Ben puts J.D. down.)

Ben: Had enough?

(J.D. wobbles for a minute and falls headfirst into some building blocks set up for the kids.)

Jordan: How sad.

Ben: You want a turn? C'mon!

Jordan: Don't you dare! Don't you dare!

Ben: C'mon!

(He runs and grabs her.)

Jordan: Noooo!

(Ben throws Jordan over his shoulder like he had J.D.)

Jordan: Ben, put me down! No!

Ben: Timmy, quick! Get a shot of the mean lady!

(A little boy, Timmy, is standing in a hospital gown with Ben's Polaroid camera.)

Jordan: Hey! Hey, Shorty! Listen, you short person! You take that picture, you'll be glad you're in a hospital! Hellllp!

(Timmy takes a picture as she's twirled around on Ben's shoulders.)

(Credits.)

(Ben's hospital room. He shows Jordan the Polaroid of her on his shoulders, menacingly pointing a finger at Timmy. J.D. stands near the bed.)

Ben: I think you got yourself a Christmas card right there.

Jordan: Yeah, you're funny. (rips up the picture) Look, I don't understand why you refuse to put on a hospital gown.

Ben: (British accent) Because I don't like people to see my bum.

Jordan: So wear underwear.

Ben: You know how I feel about underwear.

Jordan: Every girl who came to our house in the mid-eighties knows how you feel about underwear.

Ben: Ha ha, the sweatpants years.

J.D.: I don't like that much freedom down there. Makes me tingle in my giblets.

Jordan: I swear, if you don't start taking this seriously...

J.D. Narration: I'm a good intern, but when you're dealing with disease and family, an intern just doesn't cut it. What you need...

(Dr. Cox whistles and comes in the room.)

J.D. Narration: ...Is a hero.

Dr. Cox: (to Jordan) Shut up. (to Ben) Shut up. (to J.D.) And definitely shut up.

J.D.: But I didn't even say anything.

Dr. Cox: I know, but I enjoy saying it to you. Okay, here's the deal. If we're gonna beat this thing, and we damn sure are, we're gonna do it one way and one way only. (starts punching the air like a boxer) We're gonna be a team! We're gonna be a team, team, team, team, team! You hear me?

J.D.: I hear you, Dr. Cox!

Dr. Cox: I am so not speaking to you, Rhonda, thank you!

J.D.: I'm sorry. I got very excited. Go! Heh.

Dr. Cox: What do you say, children? Are we a team?

Jordan: I'm in.

Ben: Go, Team Cancer!

J.D.'s Thoughts: Wow. He did it!

Dr. Cox: I've got to go take care of some other patients.

(He dramatically looks to his left and then flies out the window like Superman. J.D. watches with big eyes.)

(Surgery. In front of the assignment board, the surgery interns stand around with Turk and Carla in front.)

Turk: I don't believe this! I didn't get tomorrow's whipple procedure!

Carla: I know, I know.

Turk: This is ridiculous!

Carla: Baby, calm down.

Turk: What's a brother gotta do to get a whipple around here, huh? What's a brother gotta do? Tell me! What do I gotta do to get a whipple around here?

Carla: Listen to me! You gotta stop turning your medical training into some ego-driven contest. No one else is doing that.

(Bonnie walks up and looks.)

Bonnie: Oh, I got the whipple. Suck it, Turk.

(She walks down the hall.)

Carla: I will end her!

(She tries to go after her, but Turk holds her back.)

Turk: No, no.

Todd: Dude, dude, let her go. It'll be so hot!

(Rounds with Dr. Kelso. Behind him, Nurse Roberts and Dr. Cox tend to a patient.)

Dr. Kelso: Can you tell me the treatment regiment for organophosphate toxicity, Dr. Reid?

Elliot: Well, first I would give intramuscular epinephrine, then IV calcium gluconate followed by emergency hemodialysis.

Dr. Kelso: Sweetheart, if I wanted you to give me three wrong answers in a row, I'd just ask for the usual. Dr. Murphy, care to jump in?

Doug: Um, I think it's--

Dr. Kelso: Do you have a speech impedement, sport?

Doug: Excuse me?

Dr. Kelso: You insist on starting every answer with "Um..." so I figure you've either got a speech impedement or you're a stammering know-nothing who doesn't belong in medicine!

Doug: Um--

Dr. Kelso: Well spoken. Now, get out. All of you. Get out! Get out! Out, out, out!

(They all leave quickly.)

Dr. Kelso: Jumpin' Jupiter, I do enjoy the tough love.

(Dr. Cox speaks from the patient behind Kelso.)

Dr. Cox: They probably like it, there, too, Bob, whether they admit it or not.

Dr. Kelso: Well...

Dr. Cox: (funny voice) "Oh, the old guy's so tough on me, but I love him!" Riiiight, riiiight? They hate you, Bob. They hate you from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you, dear God, they hate you good.

(Dr. Cox walks away leaving Nurse Roberts to chuckle to herself.)

Dr. Kelso: What are you laughing at?

Nurse Roberts: That hooves and pitchfork part. Why?

Dr. Kelso: (scared) No reason.

(Doctor's lounge. J.D. stands in front of Cox.)

Dr. Cox: Now, do you think you can make Ben behave like a patient or not?

J.D.: No problem!

(A camera flashes in J.D.'s face. Ben is sitting on the couch beside Dr. Cox's chair.)

J.D.: Uh... got him to put his gown on.

Ben: He sure did! And now my butt itches on account of this scratchy chair. What are we watching?

Dr. Cox: "Wings." And shut up, I like the cab driver. He... slays me.

J.D.: Antonio -- played by the actor Tony Shalhoub. Also particularly fantastic in a film called "Big Night.""

Dr. Cox: Congratulations! Your Dimaggio-like streak for saying nothing even remotely interesting is still alive and well! (big thumbs up)

J.D. Narration: I didn't care about the abuse. The most amazing thing for me was to watch how Dr. Cox dealt with his friend. How he made him feel safe.

Ben: Do I have to get a special doctor?

Dr. Cox: An oncologist. Do we have to talk about this? There must be something else on your mind.

Ben: Nope. Just pretty much that leukemia thing.

Dr. Cox: Ben, leukemia is a petty, ugly illness and we'll not dignify it by speaking of it unless absolutely necessary. Is that clear to you?

Ben: Gotcha.

(Dr. Cox clicks the remote.)

J.D.: You are such a stud!

Ben: That was interesting.

(Surgery. Dr. Wen and Bonnie wash up. Turk stands nearby.)

Turk: So, uh, Dr. Wen, you asked Bonnie to assist you with this whipple procedure?

Dr. Wen: Yes, I did.

Bonnie: Thanks again, sir! (mouths to Turk "Kiss my ass")

(Flashback to earlier with Turk and Carla.)

Carla: I guess we should just let it go. I mean, neither one of us wants to do anything to make it worse, right?

(End flashback.)

Turk: You guys ever notice how you're both Asian?

(J.D. walks to the elevator and passes by The Janitor, who's fixing a light.)

Janitor: Your mother's maiden name is Turner.

J.D.: So you used your key to get into my personnel file. Big deal.

Janitor: Your first kiss was with Sarah Briggs at the embarrassing age of sixteen. She wore a green turtleneck, and you wonder sometimes if she still thinks about you. I'm guessing no.

J.D.: How could you possibly know that?

Janitor: I'm your father.

(J.D., freaked, walks in the elevator and then pops his head back out. The Janitor opens his arms and motions for J.D. to give him a fatherly hug.)

(Inside the elevator, J.D. turns to see Ted and three other guys.)

Ted: Morning, Dr. Dorian.

J.D.: Ted, you probably don't notice it yourself, but this hospital is a freak show!

Ted: This is my band. We're all working from different departments in the hospital. (sings) Leg-al...

Singer 1: (sings) Acc-ounting...

Singer 2: (sings) Shipping and receiving...

Singer 3: (sings) Online property management including pest control, nighttime security and non-arboreal garden serv-ices...

All: (sings) Hmmmm-mmm!

J.D.: That's--that's just great.

Ted: We mostly do acappella versions of cartoon theme songs.

All: (sings) Here he comes! / Here comes Speedracer! / He's a demon on wheels!

Ted: Turn, turn, turn, turn.

(At the "turn," they all put their hands in front of them and turn an imaginary steering wheel.)

All: (sings) He's a demon and he's gonna be a chasin' after someone!

Ted: That's good, let's do it again.

(J.D. slowly turns to face the front.)

(On a different floor, Dr. Kelso waits for the elevator and hears some singing.)

Muffled singing: Here he comes! / Here comes Speedracer! He's a demon on wheels...

(Elliot and Carla walk down the hall, talking.)

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid! I hope I wasn't too hard on you on rounds this morning.

Elliot: Oh, it's okay, sir. I don't hate myself much more than I usually do!

Dr. Kelso: Well, turnabout's fair play and all that, so here's an evaluation form. I figured I'd try to get get a read on how all you interns think I'm doing. Don't sign your name, it's completely anonymous. And Dr. Reid? I'm no she-doc, I can take it!

(He disappears into the elevator. Carla and Elliot start laughing as Elliot looks at the evaluation form in her hands.)

Carla: Ah ha ha ha! Whoo! You're gonna crush him, right?

Elliot: Oh, yes. How do you spell inadequate?

Carla: Give me that. I'll fill it out for you.

(Ben's hospital room. Dr. Cox is on the bed and Ben is still in his hospital gown but drives around in a wheelchair. J.D., Jordan and Dr. Zeltzer stand around.)

Dr. Zeltzer: So, Mr. Sullivan, your blast percentage is quite a bit higher than we all expected. Around eighty percent.

Ben: That's bad, right? You want the number to be low, huh? Like in, uh, golf?

Dr. Zeltzer: Yes, exactly. Like in golf. Do you--do you play?

Jordan: Oh, who the hell cares if he plays golf?!

Dr. Zeltzer: Uh, I was bonding.

Ben: Hey, doing a good job, too.

Dr. Zeltzer: Thanks.

Jordan: Who is this clown?

Dr. Cox: Paul here is the best oncologist in the room so why don't we all clam up and listen?

Dr. Zeltzer: Uh, we need to start chemo.

Ben: When?

Dr. Zeltzer: This afternoon.

Ben: I'm afraid this afternoon isn't going to work for me. Ironically, I have a golf game to get to.

Dr. Cox: (starts to walk out) Hey, Benji, don't sweat it. Come on, give me a break.

Ben: Hey, you gonna be there?

Dr. Cox: Um, I got about a thousand patients to look after so, no, I'm probably going to miss this first one. But I will leave my lovely and talented assistant Kimmy.

Ben: Yeah, sure. You know. Okay.

(Dr. Cox leaves. J.D. is about to follow him out when Dr. Zeltzer stops him.)

Dr. Zeltzer: Oh, uh, am I Kimmy?

J.D.: No, I'm Kimmy!

Dr. Zeltzer: Oh. Good.

(In the cafeteria, Elliot and Carla are sitting at a table with Nurse Roberts.)

Elliot: I'm telling you, Carla torched Dr. Kelso for me.

Carla: No matter what I wrote down, I always brought it back to sexual inadequacy.

(They laugh.)

Elliot: So good!

Doug: Hello, ladies.

Elliot: Hey, Doug!

Carla: Hey, Doug.

(Doug sits down at their table with his tray.)

Elliot: What'd you write on Kelso's evaluation?

Doug: What evaluation?

Elliot: You didn't get yours yet?

Doug: Nobody got one.

(Elliot, horrified, looks up just as Kelso walks by. He shows her the evaluation form he's about to read and smiles.)

J.D. Narration: Around here, bad news always comes back to haunt you.

(Turk and Dr. Wen stand in the hallway.)

Turk: Dr. Wen, I just want to take this opportunity to once again apologize to you, and the entire Asian community.

Dr. Wen: I'll pass it on at the next big meeting. You know, Christopher, surgeons don't have to be shallow, rank-obsessed cliches.

Turk: So, who's the best surgery intern? Is it Bonnie? Is it me? I just--I gotta know.

(Dr. Wen nods down the hall where The Todd is walking with two nurses.)

Todd: The periampullary carcinoma patient had a failed palliatitive stenting of the common bile duct so this is what I want to do. I want to go ahead and prep him for a pyloris sparing pancreaticoduodenectomy. Thanks.

(The nurses walk away.)

Todd: What's up, T-Man?! Show The Todd some love!

(He high fives Turk, hard. Turk squeaks.)

(J.D. follows Cox down the hall.)

J.D.: Dr. Cox, Ben seemed pretty down after you left so I thought I could cover for you and you could go hang out with him.

Dr. Cox: Well, you're just an absolute lamb but you don't have to do that.

J.D.: Oh, I don't mind, I just--

Dr. Cox: Newbie, stop!

J.D. Narration: It's funny how people handle bad news in different ways.

(Cafeteria. Elliot watches Dr. Kelso read the evaluation at another table.)

J.D. Narration: Some people have a visceral reaction...

(Elliot turns and pukes on her tray. Doug is disgusted.)

(Surgery. The Todd washes his hands, prepping for surgery as Turk watches.)

Todd: Time to get my soapy soap on!

J.D. Narration: Some people go into denial...

Turk: No way.

J.D. Narration: And others...

(In the hallway, continuing, Dr. Cox pauses in front of J.D.)

Dr. Cox: What chance do you give a guy with Ben's blast percentage, huh? Twenty percent, thirty, maybe? You see, I can't handle that. I cannot. So, no thank you there, Johnny.

J.D. Narration: ...Others just walk away.

(J.D. watches as Dr. Cox walks down the hall and a red cape falls off his shoulders and lands on the floor.)

(Commercials.)

(Ben's hospital room. An IV drip is hooked up to him and he's in bed, side by side, with Jordan. J.D. stands at the foot of the bed.)

J.D. Narration: Chemotherapy looks harmless, but it's really poison pumped directly into your veins.

Ben: You know, every time I got sick when I was a kid, Mom would get me a Tonka truck.

Jordan: Yeah, so?

Ben: So where's my Tonka truck?

(She rolls her eyes and gets a red Tonka truck from her purse and hands it over.)

Ben: Ha ha! Score!

J.D.: (excited) The Earth Mover! Can I see?

Ben: No! See with your eyes, man. Not your hands. Seeee?

Jordan: I can't believe Perry bailed on you. Typical. He's always out the door if things get too real.

(Real World intro. J.D., now with a hideous long bangs and a haircut, poses in front of a ladder and smiles goofily. His name is written beside him.)

J.D.: (voice over) This is the true story...

(Ben is standing on a balcony with a little dog. He points to the camera.)

Ben: (sings) Truuuue storrrayyyy!

(Jordan jumps up on the railing and smiles big for the camera in front of the hospital.)

Jordan: (voice over) Of four people forced to hang out in a hospital!

(Back on the balcony with Ben. A sad face and an arrow pointing at him with "Has Leukemia :(" written beside him.)

Ben: (voice over) To find out what happens when people stop being polite...

Jordan: (voice over) Awwww!

(Dr. Cox is standing on a bench in the hospital parking lot with his hair spiked. He's wearing pink sunglasses and has a leather jacket draped over his shoulders. His back is to the camera, but he looks over his shoulder and perfects the "rebel" look.)

Dr. Cox: (voice over) And start being realllll!

(Back in the hospital room, J.D. snaps out of it.)

J.D.: He didn't bail.

Ben: If he did, he's a total wuss.

(He takes his Tonka truck and drives it over Jordan's body. He imitates the beeping noises and dumps something on Jordan, with full "kshhhhhh" noises.)

(Nurse's station with Elliot and Dr. Kelso. Carla stands behind the counter.)

Elliot: Sir, you said you were giving evaluations to all the interns.

Dr. Kelso: Well, not at the same time, sweetheart. With your way there would be no accountability. No back and forth. You wouldn't have to explain to me why... let's see... (reads) "I'm most likely frustrated because I haven't gotten any since the bay of pigs."

Elliot: Sir, I'm so sorry. Are we cool?

Dr. Kelso: What could possibly have possessed you to write such filth!

Carla: Uh, Dr. Kelso? I need to tell you something.

Elliot: That's okay, Carla, I'm going to take care of that patient. Dr. Kelso, I did it because I didn't think you'd know it was me and I thought that it would be funny.

Dr. Kelso: Let's take a walk. I'd like to tell you a few things that I think are funny.

(In the surgery room, a nurse is leaning over to get something. Behind the glass window in the other window, The Todd is making slapping motions to make it look like he's slapping the girl's ass. He's smiling and totally have a great time doing it. Dr. Wen and Turk look at him.)

Turk: Come on. How could this guy be the best?

Dr. Wen: You want to know the difference between you two? When you're working, I can always see your wheels turning. You're thinking about what you have to do next, what could go wrong. You're not in the moment. As much as it pains me to say it... The Todd is.

(Dr. Wen leaves and The Todd comes back into the room for the surgery.)

Turk's Thoughts: Please! Just because I'm thorough and I want to keep two kelly clamps on the field in case their appendiceal artery is inadvertently incised so I can gain immediate hemostatic control doesn't mean I think too much. Plus, what if I needed to...

Todd's Thoughts: Dum de dum dum dum shiny scalpel... dum de dum dum dum gonna slice him up...

(J.D. walks through the hall and sees The Janitor working on something.)

Janitor: You're afraid of escalators.

J.D.: That's not uncommon.

Janitor: You like the way cashmere feels on your skin!

J.D.: How are you doing this?

Janitor: That's right! You run away! Run away from the truth!

(Dr. Cox's apartment. He sits on the sofa with a drink and J.D. sits across from him in a chair.)

J.D.: Look, Dr. Cox, I've been doing a lot of thinking and I honestly think that the only reason you're not down at that hospital right now is that you're afraid.

Dr. Cox: I think you're right. I do. Partly because you've really... gotten to know me this year.

(J.D. looks down all smiles.)

Dr. Cox: But mostly it's because, well... I told you that I was afraid earlier today so please don't tell me that you've come here to reiterate things to me that I've already said because I know the things I've already said. In fact... I'm the one who said them.

J.D.: You gotta get back in the game, Coxie!

(Dr. Cox's eyes get wide.)

J.D.: Okay, Coxie was a mistake. Pretend I didn't say Coxie.

Dr. Cox: Geeeet out.

J.D.: Look, it boggles my mind that you just bail on a patient!

Dr. Cox: No. A patient is a stranger in a bed that you can distance yourself from whenever you need to. Ben is my friend and I'm going to try to get in there to visit him in the next couple of weeks but if I can't... that'll be very sad for me. But really... it will just mean that I'm human. Oh, and newbie? Please don't think that you have come here because Ben needs me. You're here because you're scared to death that you might have to rely on yourself for the first time ever and that... that is just the saddest thing of all.

(J.D. leaves. Dr. Cox takes a drink.)

J.D. Narration: I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone. You'd never know it, but there's most likely tons of people feeling the exact same way.

(The screen is split into two as we see Ben sitting in his hospital room with his boots on, in the same position as Dr. Cox. They tap their feet and twiddle their hands.)

J.D. Narration: Maybe because you're feeling abandoned.

(Then, the screen is split into three as we see J.D. in the hospital lounge, sitting in the same position as Ben and Dr. Cox. The three men run a hand through their hair at the same time.)

J.D. Narration: Maybe because you realize that you aren't as self-sufficient as you thought.

(Dr. Cox is squeezed out of the shot when Carla, sitting in a hospital room, comes into the screen. Ben, J.D. and Carla rest their head in their hands.)

J.D. Narration: Maybe because you know you should've handled something differently.

(Ben is squeezed out of the shot when we see Turk sitting in his own chair. Turk, Carla and J.D. rest their hands on their thighs.)

J.D. Narration: Or maybe because you aren't as good as you thought you were. Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity...

(They slap their hands on their thighs at the same time.)

J.D. Narration: ...Or you can suck it up. It's your call.

(They get up and leave. Outside in the hallway, Carla, Turk and J.D. all go in different directions.)

Music: Bum bum bum bum bum bum...

(Turk walks up to Dr. Wen)

Turk: You know what, Dr. Wen? I don't care if I'm not the best right now because I'm all about the upside and one day, I'm going to own this place. That's right. All of this right here, all of this right here is gonna be the Chris Turk Wing.

Music: Bum bum bum wah bum bum bum wah...

(Carla marches up to Dr. Kelso who is at the nurse's station. Elliot fills out a chart in the background.)

Carla: Dr. Kelso, I wrote that evaluation. It was me. Elliot didn't write a word.

(Elliot rushes over.)

Elliot: But I would've written every single word if I had the courage! And the other side of the tracks upbringing that Carla did! Because you know what I think of you?

Carla: You tell him!

Music: Bunm bum bum bummmm...

Elliot: You're mean.

(J.D. walks down the hall with determination.)

J.D. Narration: As for me, I decided that if Dr. Cox couldn't do it, well then I would have to be the one there for Ben.

(He walks by Ted and his band who are singing.)

All: Bum bum bum... when criminals in this world appear and break the laws that they should fear / And frighten all who see or hear / The cry goes up both far and near / For Underdog! / Underdog / Underdog / Underdog / Speed of light, roar of thunder / Fight all who rob or plunder / Underdog! / Ahhhh! Underdog! Underdog!

(J.D. arrives in Ben's room and dramatically pushes back the curtain... to reveal Dr. Cox sitting beside Ben's bed. He has numerous pictures and his camera in the hospital bed with him.)

J.D.: Well, thank God.

Dr. Cox: Good-bye, newbie.

(J.D. leaves.)

Dr. Cox: So, uh... you know, what's up?

Ben: You know, this and that. Hey, I met someone.

Dr. Cox: Really?

Ben: Yes. Well, she took a stool sample so I think she works here. Uh, redhead? Uh, tall?

Dr. Cox: Not on the staff, no.

Ben: No? Strange young lady.

Dr. Cox: Are we just gonna sit around here and make jokes all day? Is that the drill?

Ben: If it makes you uncomfortable, then you can just bolt again.

Dr. Cox: I think it's only fair that you hear my end of the story here, Ben.

Ben: All right. Fine.

(Cox opens his mouth and tries but nothing comes out.)

Ben: Oh, man. I love you but you--you're a complete wuss.

Dr. Cox: I guess I got a little scared.

Ben: Well, let me know if there's anything I can do to help you through this rough patch.

Dr. Cox: Oh, give me a break. I'm not good at this stuff, you know that.

Ben: It's okay.

Dr. Cox: I don't like the big conversations.

Ben: It's cool. I've been thinking about death a lot lately.

Dr. Cox: Oh, you gotta be kidding me...

Ben: You think it's like New York? You know?

(Cut to rounds.)

J.D. Narration: To most people, it might have seemed like nothing had changed.

Dr. Kelso: Well, Dr. Murphy?

Doug: Umm...

J.D. Narration: But it had a little.

Dr. Kelso: Go on.

Doug: Could it be lupus?

Dr. Kelso: Good job, sport.

Doug: Phew.

(Elliot and Carla smile.)

(In a surgery, Turk's at work.)

Turk: (singing) "Joy... and pain!" Here we go, here we go! "And sunshine..." What else? What else? "And rain!" Cut him up! Cut him up!

(In a hospital room, Ben is in bed and Jordan is standing beside the bed. Dr. Cox is by the window, looking at them.)

J.D. Narration: As for Ben, he actually responded to the chemo and went into remission. Hopefully, he won't be back, but who knows? Still, that's not what this story's about.

(Ben and Jordan fade to show an empty bed. Dr. Cox walks out of the room. Out in the hallway, he walks past J.D. who is sitting beside Ted's band.)

J.D. Narration: It's about the day I realized that admitting we're not heroic is when we're the most heroic of all.

All: (sings) Now unleash the dog of wonder / Tearing evil, spans asunder! / Underdog / Ahhhh, Underdog! / Underdog...

(Dr. Cox stands near the doors with his hands on his hips.)

(Cut to J.D. sitting on the bench in front of his locker, writing in a journal.)

J.D. Narration: I guess he'll always be a hero to me.

(After he writes the last line, he puts his journal in his locker and walks away as the happy music twinkles on. Suddenly, it screeches to a stop when The Janitor lurks behind the lockers. He walks up to J.D.'s locker with a screwdriver in his hand and pops it open. He looks at the last page.)

Janitor: "He'll always be a hero to me." What a girl. What else we got?

(He flips back.)

Janitor: Theater camp. Ha ha. Bingo.

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