My Drive-By
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My Drive-By | |
 Written by Angela Nissel Air Date - April 26, 2005 on  DVD • iTunes • Syndication | |
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- “I'm a huge brain in a ripped up body. I am Jesus H. Cox, M.D.”— Dr. Cox
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[edit] Synopsis
Dr. Cox is bragging about a great diagnosis he made to the Hospital, in the process he rips on Lonnie, J.D. and Turk. Seeing Cox's full ego on display sickens Turk and when he saves a man's life at a local taco stand he tries to keep the information to himself, not wanting to brag. Dr. Cox, who had assisted, tells an altered form of the story around the hospital, claiming all the credit for the life-saving. This drives Turk to distraction; he ultimately yells out that it was all him, to Cox's delight.
Cox later turfs Turk an annoying patient, Mr. Hoffner, who is wary of a simple gallbladder removal. Usually Turk would use his confidence to put the patient's fears to rest, but as a result of Cox's taunting he has become a lot more humble. Dr. Cox reminds Turk that without his ego he wouldn't be who he is/where he is today, and that the right amount of ego is healthy. A revitalised Turk wins Mr. Hoffner over with his bravado.
Elliot meanwhile is enjoying dating Jake and he in turn is able to handle her "craziness" and pass Turk and J.D.'s good guy test. Elliot thinks they have a chance of something special and tries to resist having sex with him, going so far as to invite J.D. on their dates to stop herself from giving in. When Jake overhears of her plan, they talk about what they want from their relationship and agree that they do have a chance of something special. Jake is understanding and agrees to wait, this just turns Elliot on and they have sex anyway.
[edit] Plot Points
- Turk saves a life and doesn't want to brag, but Dr. Cox pushes his ego.
- Janitor destroys a scooter.
- Elliot tries not to have sex with Jake.
[edit] Recurring Themes
[edit] Fantasies
This is one of the few episodes which has no fantasies.
[edit] Flashbacks
- J.D. checks out a guest house with a very forward, gay owner.
- The Janitor vows to keep all floors clean enough to eat off of, when his mother forces him to eat his meals off the kitchen floor.
[edit] Janitor story
Dr. Kelso takes a Rascal Scooter, a small vehicle that allows him to motor around the hospital (and visit patients) with a minimum of walking, off of an incapacitated Doug. The scooter's effects on the floor, random black marks, enrages the Janitor. He steals the the scooter and turns it into a floor waxer. In the end, Kelso decides they need to find a way to share the Rascal, and tries to force the Janitor's hand by letting the scooter fall off the roof, however the Janitor parked Kelso's car underneath and the scooter tears through its roof. J.D. finds the scooter in the trash and rides around the hospital in it.
[edit] J.D.'s girl names
[edit] Episode Gags
- At two points in the episode, Dr. Kelso uses the scooter to butt into a conversation, insult Elliot on the first and J.D. on the second, and then ride away.
- Dr. Cox checks his reflection, once in a balloon, and once in the floor that the Janitor has cleaned
[edit] Guest Stars
- Josh Randall as Jake
- Fred Stoller as Mr. Hoffner
- Hira Ambrosino as Realtor
- John Balma as Owner
- Steven Bolson as Crazy Guy
- Michael Hobert as Lonnie
- Elton Laron as Black Guy
- Larry Marko as Mr. Gilmore
- Jesus Perez as Taco Stand Worker
- Renee Lee Seals as Mother
- Brandon Waters Young as Janitor
[edit] Quotes
- “Nobody wants to live out their last years in a hospital, but people do. There's really not much we can do for them, except try to protect their dignity...and of course bet on them.”— J.D.'s narration
- “C'mon Mr. Gilmore.”— J.D.
- “C'mon Mr. Gilmore.”— J.D.
- “C'mon Colonel Mustard.”— Turk
- [Colonel Mustard wins in a photo finish]
- “Ha! Pay up.”
- “Can I get some Jell-O, please?”— Mr. Gilmore
- “Can I get some Jell-O, please?”— Mr. Gilmore
- “Jell-O is for winners.”— .J.D.
- “For some reason, Jake was able to handle the piping hot, giant bowl of crazy that is Elliot Reid.”— J.D.'s narration
- “And finished. I remember the bordello being a little bit bigger and there were probably a few more prostitutes, but maybe I just remember it that way 'cos I was a kid...it was my twelfth birthday. I asked for a bike. I got a 48-year-old whore.”— Janitor
- “Dr. Murphy, I'd have more sympathy if this were the first time you'd broke both of your feet working in the morgue.”— Dr. Kelso
- “Sir, it's like those corpses are out to get me!”— Doug
- “Sir, it's like those corpses are out to get me!”— Doug
- “Can you just get out of here so we can get back to work?”— Turk
- “Not until people start chanting my name so that I can exit the room with my hands held high above my head in a victorious gesture. Capisce? You see, this diagnosing machine, this fabulous thing. Well, it runs on props, so I'm going to need to hear it. Come now.”— Dr. Cox
- “Not until people start chanting my name so that I can exit the room with my hands held high above my head in a victorious gesture. Capisce? You see, this diagnosing machine, this fabulous thing. Well, it runs on props, so I'm going to need to hear it. Come now.”— Dr. Cox
- “Cox. Cox. Cox. Cox. Cox. Cox...”— All Hospital staff present, unenthusiastically
- “Me. Me. Me. Oh, so me!”
- “Me. Me. Me. Oh, so me!”
- “Ha! Perry, Perry, Perry. You know what the difference between us is? Well, besides the fact that I can carry a conversation without checking my own reflection every five seconds?”— Turk, sitting down
- “I'm sorry. I-I get lost in my eyes.”— Dr. Cox, distracted from looking at his reflection in a balloon
- “I'm sorry. I-I get lost in my eyes.”— Dr. Cox, distracted from looking at his reflection in a balloon
- “Anyway, I'm not gonna tell anyone about this because, unlike you...”
- [Sees Cox staring at his reflection in the balloon again, so he pops it with his pen]
- “...unlike you, I got in medicine to help people, not for my own personal glory.”
- “I don't know how much longer I can avoid sleeping with Jake, man.”— Elliot
- “It's easy. If you ever find yourself in a romantic situation, just do something that's a complete turn-off.”— J.D.
- “It's easy. If you ever find yourself in a romantic situation, just do something that's a complete turn-off.”— J.D.
- “You know, like how you can swallow your whole fist.”— Carla
- “Huh!”— Elliot
- “Huh!”— Elliot
- “No way! She can't do that! Nooo!”— Male staffers, who have suddenly appeared behind J.D.
- “Calm down, boys. Let me just ask.”— J.D.
- “Calm down, boys. Let me just ask.”— J.D.
- [The men take a step closer to Elliot]
- “Can you really swallow your whole fist?”
- “Can you really swallow your whole fist?”
- “Yeah.”
- “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.”— Male staffers
- “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.”— Male staffers
- “Shhh. Don't ruin it.”— J.D.
- [The men leave, satisfied]
- “Men are twisted.”— Carla
- “Wouldn't have mattered, Jordan. You know why? Because I am always right. It's something my...my old pal, Gandhi here, knows a little something about, because, you see, we are both egotistical peas in a giant narcissistic pod. And, to prove my point, I'm gonna go ahead and make an [takes out a jump rope]...unnecessarily showy but undeniably impressive exit. Rope time, Gandhi. Feel it. I'll see ya later.”— Dr. Cox
- [Cox jumps rope backwards out of the scene]
- “I would so mock him right now if I wasn't so turned on!”— Jordan
- “Was he smoking a gavel?”— Dr. Kelso
- “I am going to yank that gallbladder out of you so fast that your spleen is gonna say to your kidney, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO FRANK!?" That's right, your kidney named your gallbladder Frank. I don't want you to worry about this another second, Mr. Hoffner, OK? 'Cos I'm the man. I am the man!”— Turk
[edit] Trivia
- Johnny Kastl actually broke both of his heels ski-jumping, so the writers incorporated this fact into episode, though Doug broke his feet working in the morgue.
