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My Dirty Secret

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You make me want to kill myself and everybody around me!Dr. Cox

"My Dirty Secret" is the ninth episode of Scrubs' third season. Elliot gets in trouble because of her inability to refer to patient's private areas using medical terms. Dr. Cox temporarily stays with J.D. and Turk because he can't handle Jordan. Carla allows everyone to make fun of her to prove that she can take a joke, but finds it hard to take.


3x9 JD Cox Turk

Dr. Cox crashes with J.D. and Turk

After Elliot gives a patient an orgasm during a pelvic exam and refers to patients 'private areas' using non-medical (slang) terms Dr. Kelso begins to taunt her. Carla tries to help Elliot, but Elliot gets upset and yells at her, telling her that she didn't ask for help. Elliot decides that she needs to make baby steps, and she Elliot tests her new confidence in using medical terms for 'private areas' on Sean, who is back in town, which turns him on.

3x9 mocking Carla

J.D. and Elliot mock Carla.

Carla tells Turk that she doesn't think they should have sex again until their wedding night, and the Janitor uses this information to his advantage to get back at Turk. Turk does not like masturbation and is used to having frequent sex, so he is taking Carla's decision as bad news, rather than as a romantic decision. Later, Elliot tells Carla that it is an unwritten rule that no one is ever allowed to make fun of Carla, Carla says that only her "friends" are allowed to. At the apartment, Turk tells Carla that he is prepared to wait until marriage, but Carla is mad that everyone has been listing her faults, so she she wants to have sex as a comfort.

Dr. Cox, after taking advice from J.D. to tell Jordan how he really feels, moves in with J.D. and Turk temporarily as a result of not being able to handle his relationship with Jordan. J.D. offers to babysit to make it up to the new parents, and they spend the night in bed together, which proves to be therapeutic for their relationship.

Recurring ThemesEdit

     More: FantasiesFlashbacksJ.D.'s girl namesJanitor's pranks and lies

3x9 Elliot and hot Mrs. Cantwell

Elliot kisses a patient

Fantasies Edit

  • Elliot goes in to kiss a sexy lady who is 52 but looks 25.
  • Carla abseils down Sacred Heart from an upper floor to a lower floor and crashes through a window, so she can give advice.
  • J.D. uses a penis pump like a bicycle pump to fix Mr. Randolph's sexual dysfunction. He makes a giraffe out of the inflated penis like a balloon animal.

Flashbacks Edit

  • Elliot's mom is teaching Elliot how you shouldn't ever let a man put his "dirty howdoyoudo into your bajingo" and then Elliot's mom takes her pool-boy into the potting shed.

Janitor story Edit

3x9 Elliot Lily poolside

Elliot and her mother.

After being told by J.D. that he has run out of ideas, the Janitor starts tormenting Turk after he states that he doesn't scare him and that he's "untouchable". While Carla explains to Turk her idea of not having sex again until their marriage, the Janitor eavesdrops on their conversation from within the air-ducts. Later, the Janitor aggravates Turk's sex deprivation by playing the song "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off" by Jermaine Stewart on his radio. After Turk gets annoyed and walks away, Janitor says under his breath, "a new friend".

J.D.'s Girls Names Edit

  • Dixie
Come, Dixie.Dr. Cox

  • Newbie-doobie-doo is not a girl's name, but a dog's name which is based on "scooby-doobie-doo".
  • Naomi
Say, that whole 'telling Jordan how I feel' thing just went terrific. Thank you for that. Now I need a place to crash. Where's Naomi's bedroom?Dr. Cox

Guest StarsEdit

3x9 the Randolphs

Barry Bostwick as Mr. Randolph.


     List of music featured in Scrubs

  • "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman" by Bryan Adams
  • "We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off" by Jermaine Stewart
  • "Do It Again" by Stroke 9
  • "Timing's Off" by Tart


3x9 Carla repels I

Carla repels...

3x9 Carla repels II

...down the hospital...

3x9 Carla repels III

...and crashes through a window.

Sean's gonna let me swim with the dolphins this weekend.Elliot

Oh really, that's great, I hope they don't maul you.J.D.

Mr. Murdock was admitted with a COPD exacerbation*; he responded well to antibiotics and bronchial dilators* but he did develop a rash on his, um... private area.Elliot

Sorry, on his what?Dr. Kelso
His peepers.

Excuse me?
His schwing-schwong.

Dr. Reid, your patient, Mrs. Burke, has developed a urinary infection. Apparently it hurts when she makes wizzie-winkles through her sea-biscuit.Dr. Kelso

People can make fun of me.Carla

Come on! What about that delivery guy yesterday? I mean, you practically tore him a new binglebore.Elliot
But he's not my friend. My friends can make fun of me whenever they want.

Really? Well, then, in that case you're a know-it-all smartypants and if you're not telling someone what to do, you're probably not talking.
Okay, I guess I can be a little bossy.

A little? Girl, please! If you met Jesus hisself, you'd be trying to tell him where to park his donkey.Laverne
Oh, are we allowed to do this now? What about that whole, like, hands on the hips, "Carla from the block" thing she does when she's mad -- when she's like [imitating her] "Oh, Bambi, you do not want to mess me with right now."
You do sound like that.Doug Murphy
Careful Doug, we are not that close yet.

3x9 penis pump

J.D. helps a patient with a penis pump.

Maybe the dirty little secret about sex is that it isn't so dirty after all.J.D.

You have a penis, and I have a vagina.Elliot

That is so hot!Sean


3x9 Rowdy as pillow

J.D. uses Rowdy as a pillow.

  • Near the beginning we can see that Carla is left-handed.
  • J.D. echoes Dr. Cox's "help me to help you" rant that he says to Elliot in Season One.
  • In the beginning it says that the delivery man's nametag is "Frank", but later it is revealed his name is Lloyd.
  • At the end when J.D. offers to babysit Jack, Dr. Cox is wearing a shirt that says "I'm not as think as you drunk I am". J.D. says this line before he drunkenly kisses Carla in "My Lips Are Sealed". A deleted scene reveals that this shirt is actually J.D.'s, which may explain why he quotes the line.
    • The original line came from an episode of M*A*S*H from the episode "Hot Lips and Empty Arms".
  • Sean's appearance in this episode is due to the episode not airing in the order that it was written. He should be away in New Zealand.
  • In the final scene, J.D. is summarizing his thoughts on sex, stating that he is the only one in the group not having it. This despite being in a relationship with Danni. However, this, like the incident above, is due to the episode not airing in the order that it was written, where he had already broken up with Danni.
  • Elliot is shown to have trouble saying words like "penis" and "vagina," but managed it in "My Bed Banter & Beyond" when she said "I may need a vagina transplant". She has also been comfortable using words like "penis" and "intercourse" in season one.
  • Elliot tells of how she was made fun of for her "orgasm face" in high school, but in "My Balancing Act" she confesses she has never orgasmed before.
  • In this episode, Barry Bostwick's character has a prostate problem. Bostwick actually underwent prostate surgery in 1997.
  • Barry Bostwick is the fourth Spin City cast member to appear on Scrubs.

1. "My Own American Girl"
2. "My Journey"
3. "My White Whale"
4. "My Lucky Night"
5. "My Brother, Where Art Thou?"
6. "My Advice to You"
7. "My Fifteen Seconds"
8. "My Friend the Doctor"

  9. "My Dirty Secret"
10. "My Rule of Thumb"
11. "My Clean Break"
12. "My Catalyst"
13. "My Porcelain God"
14. "My Screw Up"
15. "My Tormented Mentor"
16. "My Butterfly"

17. "My Moment of Un-Truth"
18. "His Story II"
19. "My Choosiest Choice of All"
20. "My Fault"
21. "My Self-Examination"
22. "My Best Friend's Wedding"

   Episodes: 12345678 w9

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