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3x11 Turk sits on JD

The following is a transcript of the Scrubs episode "My Clean Break".

ActEdit

ADMISSIONS -- FRONT DESK -- MORNING Turk is there as J.D. comes in to work, his hair laying in a limp mess.

J.D.: Hey, Chocolate Bear. I didn't have time to shower this morning. Did you wax your dome?

Turk: I sure did! Why?

J.D. streaks his finger across Turk's shiny head and tousles his hair. A few seconds later, he's perfectly coifed.

J.D.: Thanks, pal!

Turk: Uh-huh....

J.D.: Hold up!

He runs his finger over Turk's head one more time and rubs the balm on his lips.

J.D.: Chapped!

Turk: Easy, Moose [Mousse?], that stuff is forty bucks a tin.

J.D.'s Narration: With the long hours at a hospital, you don't have time to worry about your appearance.

A mousy young female physician enters, stopping at the desk next to J.D.

J.D.'s Narration: It may sound sexist, but with the female doctors, it's slightly more noticeable.

J.D.: Hey, Janice. Is it windy out?

Janice: No. Why do you always ask me that!?

She walks off, offended.

J.D.: Because I'm--I'm captain of m-m-my kite-flying team? The M-m-mighty Kites?

He turns back to the desk to see a couple more unkempt female physicians.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Agh! Okay, just say something innocuous.

J.D.: Good morning, gentlemen.

J.D.'s Narration: The truth is most of them don't even bother trying. Except of course...

Elliot enters, looking perfectly polished, stopping at the desk.

Elliot: Hey, girlfriends!

They give her an unfriendly grunt.

J.D.: How do you have the time to look so good every morning?

FLASHBACK: ELLIOT'S BEDROOM

The clock ticks over to 5 a.m., setting her alarm off. She gets up, and heads to the bathroom, where she is next seen applying her lip gloss while a hair dryer blows at her bangs. She then opens a powder compact, getting a face full blown at her by the dryer, sending her into a coughing fit.

Elliot: Oh, this? Heh. Yeah, it doesn't take long.

She flips her hair and walks away, sending up a cloud of powder in J.D.'s face. He coughs.

J.D.'s Narration: I guess everyone has their morning routines.

Meanwhile... PARK Dr. Cox, Jordan, and baby Jack are having a little family time on a blanket. A woman pushes a stroller containing her own child over to them.

Mother: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be over-stimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with!

Dr. Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice!

Jordan: Oh, oh! He also thanked me for not naming him "Brantley"!

Dr. Cox: Y-yeah.

Offended, the woman leaves with her baby.

Dr. Cox: [with excrement-eating grin] I love our family.

SceneEdit

TURK AND J.D.'S APARTMENT -- LATER Turk is on the couch watching TV. J.D. comes in from the bedroom and plunks down next to him.

J.D.: 'Married With Children'? Awesome! Has Kelly been on yet?

Turk: Here she comes.

Kelly: [heard from TV] Hi, Daddy!

The audience on the TV cheers.

Turk &: Whooooaaa. J.D.

J.D.: Anyway, where's Danni? We're gonna be late for our movie.

Danni enters, in just her jeans and a bra.

Turk &: WOOOOOOOOOOO! J.D.

Danni: Stop. Lemme just go grab a sweater. [kisses J.D.] I love you.

She goes off to another room.

Turk: Wow, she's using the "L word" now.

J.D.: Yeeeaaah, but we're not really that serious.

Flash to... SIDEWALK -- A BIT LATER J.D. and Danni stare up at a house with a "For Sale" sign in front.

J.D.: This isn't the movies?

Danni: I just wanted you to see this; because if I move here permanently, this would be the type of place we could afford.

J.D. freezes in horror.

FANTASY: Eerie music accompanies a phantom J.D. splitting from his body and drifting upwards. The spectre floats back down into his apartment on the sofa next to Turk.

Turk: Out of body experience?

J.D.: Yeah. She wants to move in together. I have to break up with her!

Turk: Dude, relax. Enjoy the show. Have a Bugle.

He tips the bowl of snacks towards J.D.

J.D.: Ooh!

J.D. reaches over, but his hand passes right through.

Turk: Ooh, your ghost hands is cold!

J.D. continues staring at the house.

Danni: J.D.!?

J.D.: I wanted to put them on my fingers and pretend I had witch nails.

Danni: What?!

J.D.: Nothing.

FANTASY: TURK AND J.D.'S APARTMENT

Turk faces the camera with a Bugle on each finger, cackling like a witch. He then eats one of his "nails" with an "Mmm!"

ActEdit

SceneEdit

SPARSE, MODERNLY DECORATED ROOM Dr. Cox sits in a chair, talking to his unseen therapist.

Dr. Cox: I just can't believe how comfortable I've gotten talking to you over these last few months. I mean, look, I'd still be with my old shrink if I hadn't cut across the park the day of the renaissance faire and realized that the man I tell my innermost secrets to likes to...likes to put on a big, giant beard and make pretend that he is a blacksmith. A-a-a-anyway, something weird's been going on with me lately: I have been sleeping more, I've been drinking alone...less....

Cut to... HOSPITAL -- NURSES' STATION Dr. Cox walks through.

Dr. Cox: [voice over] ...I've even started complimenting people.

He passes Todd, who is pumping some iron.

Todd: Oh, come on! Get your pump on!

Dr. Cox: God help me, Sluggo, if you get any more buff, I'll be absolutely sure that you're gay!

Todd: Oh, I'm gonna get more buff!

As Dr. Cox continues on, Todd flexes his neck near Elliot, who is also at the station.

Elliot: Dr. Cox never compliments me about anything!

The Janitor, who had been mopping nearby, pipes up.

Janitor: Well, he should. Your new look has completely changed my perspective. For instance, this is not a broom with fraying edges -- [holds up a fraying broom] -- this is now a broom that reminds me of blonde doctor's bangs. [runs hand over bristles] Tough and spunky!

Elliot: [emotional] Oh, my God! That is exactly the look that I was going for!

She squeals excitedly.

Janitor: Really!?

Elliot: Yeah!

They clutch hands and jump up and down, squealing happily together.

Janitor: Shoobity-doo! Hey! How 'bout I give you a ride to your next destination?

He gestures to his nearby supply cart. She looks touched over the invitation.

Cut to... HALL -- A FEW SECONDS LATER The supply cart, the Janitor pushing from behind with Elliot perched on top, wielding a plunger like a sword, whizzes past.

Elliot: To the morgue! [giggles] Watch it!

J.D., passing, jumps out of the way before being hit.

J.D.: Hey!

He enters... ADMISSIONS Carla and Turk are at the front desk.

Turk: So, did you break up with her?

J.D.: I was going to last night, but then I looked in her eyes, and I realized how rare it is to meet someone who's actually willing to have sex with me.

Carla: How did you have sex with the woman you're about to break up with?

J.D.: Okay, you know how the, uh, couch in the living room has those high arms...?

Turk: Babe, you gotta understand, a guy will sleep with any woman he finds attractive, no matter how he feels about her. If Tyra Banks drove her car over my mom and then offered to have sex with me? I'd have to dial 9-1-1 in the nude because my pants would already be off!

Carla: That's sweet! While your mother lays there dying!

Turk: [to J.D.] Tell her.

J.D.: His mom doesn't die. Tyra uses her connections in the supermodel world to get government scientists to put Turk's mom's brain into Heidi Klum's body. She falls in love with me, we all move in together.

Turk: It'd be awkward at first, but I'd make it work.... 'Cause I love my mom.

J.D.: Mm, and I would love her, too.

Carla: [going back to work] New low.

SceneEdit

PRIVATE PATIENT'S ROOM Elliot enters the room of her middle-aged female patient.

Elliot: Oh, Mrs. Gorski, I know shingles are never fun. Unless you're talking about the games we made up the summer my parents got a new roof. It was kind of like Hide & Seek, only we'd throw shingles at each other? Ahh, summer time.... Still, a positive attitude can go a long way in helping you feel better, so let's see a big ol' smile! [laughs in that choking way]

Mrs. Gorski doesn't look amused. Dr. Kelso sticks his head in.

Dr. Kelso: Excuse me. Can I borrow Dr. Reid?

Mrs. Gorski: You may keep her.

Cut to... HALL Dr. Kelso draws Elliot out of her patient's room.

Dr. Kelso: Here at Sacred Heart, I like to think that our patients choose our hospital not only because I leak vicious rumors about competing hospitals to the press, but also because when they see one of our doctors they think, "Now that's a professional!"

Elliot: Um, I don't think I look unprofessional.

Suddenly the perspective switches to Elliot's point of view, of Dr. Kelso trying to be seen from behind the fray of blonde hair covering the top third of our vision.

Dr. Kelso: I've let this whole new look thing slide the last few months, but now that your colleagues are beginning to complain I'm going to give you the same advice I give my son every morning. Lose the makeup! Get a haircut! And stop using my razor to shave your fun zone!

SceneEdit

LECTURE ROOM J.D., Turk, Doug, Elliot, Todd, and a few other residents sit in student desks, looking slightly bored. J.D. gazes out the window at a person flying a kite.

J.D.: I hate missing practice.

Turk: Me too.

Turk & J.D.: [doing their salute] Mighty Kiiiiites!

Dr. Cox enters.

Dr. Cox: Morning, class. As residency director, it is my pleasure to have both Surgical and Medical personnel here with us today. In fact, in this room we have enough brain power to light up a city! Not a real city, mind you, but definitely a tiny ant city whose government has recently passed a series of stringent energy conservation laws!

Doug: [quietly to J.D.] Stringent what?

J.D.: "Stringent updoc".

Doug puts that in his notes but, puzzled, raises his hand.

J.D.: [to Turk] It's happening.

Dr. Cox: Yes, Nervous Guy?

Doug: What's "updoc"?

The class cracks up laughing.

Dr. Cox: Okay, people, biphasic defibrillators. How many of you had a chance to practice on the mannequin?

Todd: [raising hand] Oh, yeah.

Dr. Cox: ...With the defibrillator...?

Todd: [dropping hand] Uhhhh....

Elliot: Ugh.

Dr. Cox: And I assume none of you have even looked at the literature.

They all sit unmoving.

Cut to... SPARSE ROOM Dr. Cox recounts the memory to his therapist.

Dr. Cox: I didn't do anything. No yelling, no breaking stuff, nothing. And right then [pounds palm], I figured out what's different. I figured out what that feeling was that I was having in the park the other day with my family. I'm...happy. Now does that not just make you sick? [drops head] Ugh!

SceneEdit

CAFETERIA Turk, Carla, and J.D. are having lunch.

Turk: Dude, with Danni you just gotta keep your eyes on the prize. Focus in on how great it is to be single! Chasing tail! Hell, I miss it every day.

Carla: Oh, you don't care if you ever have sex again, do you?

Turk: Baby, listen, I'm just trying to keep my man psyched, 'cause since I've known J.D., he's never broken up with anyone.

J.D.: He's right. I don't like hurting people. But with Danni, I'm gonna do the honorable thing -- I'm gonna have someone in a fireman's outfit tell her I burned to death.

Carla: Bambi, you owe her closure. Hell, you owe it to every woman you've ever dated.

FANTASY: NONDESCRIPT ROOM

J.D. faces Danni.

J.D.: Listen, Danni....

He then moves down a line of the other people he owes closure to.

J.D.: ...Lisa.... Drunk girl who was friends with the girl I really wanted to hook up with.... It's not all of you. It's me.

He's shocked to see the person at the end of the line.

J.D.: Scott Gerber?!

Scott: [effeminate] At soccer camp, I told you I wanted to be more than friends.

J.D.: I thought you meant teammates!

Scott: [teary] Well, I didn't!

J.D.: He used to...borrow my jersey and wear it as jammies....

SceneEdit

NURSES' STATION -- LATER J.D. dials his cell phone.

J.D.: [on phone] Hey, Danni, it's me. What are you up to?

Meanwhile... TURK AND J.D.'S APARTMENT Danni cradles the phone against her shoulder as she dresses Rowdy up in some of her clothes.

Danni: [on phone] I'm keeping busy.

J.D.: [on phone] Oh, that's great. Uh, listen, something's been on my mind....

Danni flops back onto the couch.

Danni: [on phone] Me too. I just feel like my life is so scattered lately and you're the only good thing I have going right now.

J.D.: [on phone] Awesome.

Behind J.D., Carla comes over to Nurse Roberts, who has been listening.

Carla: How's he doing?

Nurse Roberts: The boy's got no biscuits.

J.D. puts his hand over the receiver and turns back to them.

J.D.: I am trying to break someone's heart here, okay!?

Danni: [on phone] I'm feeling really bummed. Do you have a second to talk?

J.D. notices Elliot a few feet away, looking depressed.

J.D.: [on phone, distracted] Actually, I'm kinda swamped right now, uh, let me get back to you, okay?

He hits the button on his phone and puts it in his pocket.

J.D.: Elliot, what's wrong?

Elliot: Eh, forget it, you're busy.

J.D.: Come on! I always have time for you!

Elliot: Have the other doctors been making fun of the way I look?

Carla: What? No! No way! Why would you say that? & J.D.: Huh? I've never heard anything like that! Why?

Nurse Roberts: Hell, yeah.

Carla: Only the girl ones, and you know, they're all "Mrreeeoww!!"

Suddenly, Todd appears from around the corner.

Todd: [hopeful] Cat fight?

Carla: Sorry, Todd!

Todd: Let's try and be a little more careful when we use that noise, okay? God!

He goes back to work.

SceneEdit

SPARSE ROOM Dr. Cox continues his session.

Dr. Cox: Honestly, I haven't been this happy since Christmas when I was seven years old and my father showed me how to make a snow angel. Actually, he was passed out drunk in the yard.... But I did take his arms and his legs and move them back and forth.... And...th-the paramedics said it was one of the finest snow angels that they'd ever seen. So, maybe the fact that I am the kinder, gentler Cox is every last bit of okay. Maybe it's a...a natural progression. It's not like there's any real ramifications...[laughs]...right?

Cut to... LECTURE ROOM Dr. Cox enters to find no one there but Doug, all the other desks occupied only by mini tape recorders.

Dr. Cox: What the hell, there, Pee-Pants? Are you...the only one here?

Doug: I drew the short straw, so I have to press record on all the tape players when you start the lecture.

Dr. Cox: Of course you do, but you don't actually expect me--

Doug leaps to his feet and systematically rushes around all the desks, turning on their tape recorders. Making good time, he plunks back into his seat.

Dr. Cox: [darkly] Where is everybody?

Doug: They all had really important things to do?

Meanwhile... SACRED HEART ENTRANCE J.D. stands high above the passing people in a long (we're talking 6-7 feet here) white coat.

J.D.: [booming voice] Hello, citizens! Welcome to Sacred Heart! Home of the world's most giant doctor! Be not afraid! I'm just like you! Except I'm giant!

He wiggles a bit and speaks downward.

J.D.: My tush is chafing.

Turk gets out from the bottom of the coat and lets J.D. off his shoulders.

Turk: All right! My turn to get on top!

J.D.: Turk, we tried playing Giant Black Guy. Remember what happened? People ran.

Turk: Damn!

J.D.: Besides, I gotta go deal with this whole Danni thing.

Turk: You want me to just talk to her for you? I'll do it.

J.D.: Nah, that's weak. I mean, if someone doesn't care about you enough to break up with you themselves, it's like they didn't ever care about you at all.

Jordan, exiting the building, stops for a word.

Jordan: Hey, guys. Ohh! J.D., Danni's breaking up with you. Mm, darn. See ya!

She goes on her way.

J.D.: What?

A tall guy, his face above frame, stops on his way out.

Chet: Guys, how many times do I have to tell you? Stop wearing my coat!

Turk: [shouting up] Sorry about that, Chet!

ActEdit

SceneEdit

MALE LOCKER ROOM J.D. and Turk enter, carrying a mass of white cotton material.

J.D.: Which one of these is Chet's? We gotta put this coat back.

Turk opens a locker and peers inside.

Turk: Oh...I think it's this one.

He removes an enormous foam insole.

Turk: Dude, look at the size of this Odor-Eater! We could surf on it!

J.D.: I still don't understand why Danni's breaking up with me, man. I gotta go talk to her.

Turk slaps J.D. across the face with the giant Odor-Eater.

J.D.: Okay, first of all, words cannot describe the smell that is currently on my cheek.

Turk: You get out clean, and now you wanna go back in just 'cause she rejected you? Who else is that crazy?

Cut to... SPARSE ROOM Dr. Cox continues his session.

Dr. Cox: Not one resident showed up. Not one. Would you like to know why? Because they're not scared of me anymore. And I blame you. Yes. You have turned me into this soft, emotionally open, pathetic freak at home, and now it's starting to bleed over into work.

Cut to... HOSPITAL -- NURSES' STATION The nurses are gathered around, singing.

Staff: [singing] "...Happy birthday to you!"

Dr. Cox arrives.

Dr. Cox: [singing] "And many more!"

They all look at him, surprised.

Dr. Cox: [leaving quickly] Oh, my...oh, my God!

Carla: [to Nurse Roberts] Happy birthday!

They give the birthday girl a piece of her cake.

Nurse Roberts: Oh, dammit, people, I've been here twenty-three years. For the last time, I'm allergic to coconut!

Carla turns to Elliot, who is also at the station.

Carla: Elliot.... Have you been in the supply closet, crying?

Elliot: Carla. [scoffs] I don't do that anymore!

Carla holds up the back of her metallic clipboard to Elliot so that she can see the trails her heavy black eye makeup has made down her cheeks.

Elliot: Oh, my God! I look like Alice Cooper!

Carla puts the clipboard aside.

Elliot: You know, I shouldn't have to feel bad for wanting to look good. You don't, what with your bohemian scarves and pirate earrings....

Carla: [smiling demurely] Thank you for noticing. But still, it's different for nurses -- we're not judged for being feminine. But when you're a doctor, if you put in too much effort the men will never take you seriously and the women will think you're trying to show them up. It's a dumb stereotype; you just have to decide if it's worth the hassle.

Elliot considers that and goes back to work. Carla turns back to the party.

Carla: [gasps] Laverne!

Nurse Roberts gobbles her cake, her allergy evident by her severely swollen face.

Nurse Roberts: Good cake, though.

SceneEdit

OUTSIDE DR. COX'S APARTMENT J.D. knocks on the door, the first sight we see of him being of his obscured features from the other side of the peephole.

J.D.: Hellooo?

Jordan answers the door.

Jordan: [sighs] Little piece of advice: Your honker's cute in person. Peep-hole? Not your friend.

J.D.: Ha! I'm sorry, did I interrupt you from trying to eat your baby?

Jordan: [chuckles humorlessly] Danni's not here.

J.D.: Look, do you know how hard it was for me to come here?

FLASHBACK: HOSPITAL -- ADMISSIONS

J.D. walks through towards the door, but is tackled by Turk.

Turk: Gotcha!

J.D.: Oooog! Oh, God....

Turk sits on him.

Turk: Not getting up until you come to your senses.

Todd passes, handing Turk a Styrofoam cup.

Todd: Get your coffee on, dawg.

J.D.: [gazing off into space] Say what you want, those big round cheeks are warm in the morning....

Jordan: What?

J.D.: I just wanna know why she broke up with me.

Jordan: Well, why don't you just...hey! Ask her yourself!

She points behind J.D. and slams the door. J.D. looks back, but no one is there. He turns back to the peephole, this time being sure to cover his nose.

J.D.: Not cool.

SceneEdit

NURSES' STATION -- THE NEXT DAY Elliot, no effort put into her appearance today, is going over a chart. Dr. Kelso passes.

Dr. Kelso: Now, there you go, sweetheart! Now you look more like a doctor and less like a lap-dance!

Elliot: [uncertain] Thank you, sir.

She goes off to her business. Dr. Kelso goes on his way to do the same; passing where the Janitor is mopping, he slips on the floor. The Janitor looks down on him.

Janitor: Floor's wet. You know, I liked the way blonde-haired doctor looked. She brightened my day. But you don't care, do ya? ...'Cause you're unconscious.

SceneEdit

SPARSE ROOM Dr. Cox is talking to his therapist.

Dr. Cox: So I...I'm pretty much thinking it's time to get the fear back. And I'm sorry, but I think life is just too short to spend your time working someplace where people don't crap their pants at the mere sight of ya.

Cut to... LECTURE ROOM The class is gathered. Dr. Cox stands at the front, speaking.

Dr. Cox: Okay, listen up, people, because this part is crucial. In order to use the biphasic defibrillator, we have--

Elliot rushes in, taking her seat.

Elliot: Sorry I'm late.

Todd: Hey, Elliot. Is it greasy outside?

The class titters, except for J.D. who turns to Elliot.

J.D.: Oh, that is so stupid. Elliot, you look...smart.

Dr. Cox: [clapping to get their attention] Hello?

Elliot: Of course I'm smart -- I'm a doctor!

Doug: [to self] "What's up, doc?" I just got it! [laughs]

J.D.: [to Turk] Maybe that's why Danni wants to break up with me, she thinks I'm too smart!

Todd: You're dating a guy named Danny? Is he hot?

The class laughs some more.

J.D.: Listen....

He starts talking to Turk, and the rest of the class follow suit by chatting amongst themselves as Dr. Cox stands silently fuming.

J.D.'s Narration: I know it's a cliché, but ______ say that it is indeed the calm before the storm that lets you know that danger's coming.

Dr. Cox emits a low growl, and the class freezes, suddenly all eyes on him.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Uh-oh.

Dr. Cox: First off, let me just say...thank you. For the last couple of months I have been adrift in a sea of puppy dogs, lollipops, and, let's face it, mediocre metaphors. Luckily, you people were kind enough to piss all over learning a procedure that could determine whether some poor sucker lives or dies. And that reminded me of something that I wanted to remind _you_ of. Because, you see, I am accountable. I am accountable for the continuous, crashing, undeniable amateurism that you people drag into this hospital day in and day out. And believe you me when I tell you that the next time one of you perpetual disappointments doesn't even have the common decency to try and do better at something you supposedly _do_? I will go ahead and toss your sorry ass outta here in about ten seconds and then I will forget you forever in the next five.

The class remains frozen. Dr. Cox breaks the tension by laughing slightly maniacally.

Dr. Cox: Okay! Nervous Guy! Bring that nervous butt up here, lose the shirt; we're gonna show these good people how this thing works.

Poor Doug gets out of his seat and approaches Dr. Cox, stripping off his shirt.

Dr. Cox: Nice tan, there, champ.

Dr. Cox preps the defibrillator.

Doug: Thanks?

Dr. Cox: Clear!

He jolts Doug with the paddles, making the kid shriek.

Cut to... SACRED HEART EXTERIOR -- WHEELCHAIR RAMP -- EVENING J.D. leans on the handrail, thinking.

J.D.'s Narration: After Dr. Cox exploded at us, so many thoughts were racing through my head: We have been slacking off lately. How did Doug get such incredible abs? And what the hell is the deal with Danni?

Danni comes over and leans next to J.D. at the rail.

Danni: Hey.

J.D.: Hey.

They stand there in silence a moment.

J.D.: After you dressed up Rowdy, did you trim the clumpy areas around his butt?

Danni: Yeah...?

J.D.: Oh.... Thanks. He was due for a good grooming.

Danni: Look....

J.D.: Just tell me why.

Danni: Your cell phone wasn't turned off.

J.D.: What?

Danni: When you called me.

FLASHBACK: NURSES' STATION

J.D.'s telephone conversation with Danni.

J.D.: [on phone] Actually I'm swamped, Danni. Sorry, I gotta go.

He hits the button on his phone and sticks it in his pocket. Unfortunately, it didn't actually shut off, so Danni heard everything that followed.

J.D.: [from phone] Elliot, what's wrong?

Elliot: [from phone] Oh.... Forget it, you're busy.

J.D.: [from phone] Come on! I always have time for you!

J.D.: That stupid phone! You know, that's the same way Turk found out I collect scarves!

He notices the scarf around Danni's neck.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Ooooh!

Danni: J.D.--

J.D.: Sorry.

Danni: --you're still not over Elliot. And until you are, no one's ever gonna have a chance to get close to you. Right?

He stares at her, unable to answer.

Danni: That silence? That's you breaking up with me.

Melancholy music comes up as she gives him a sad look and goes down the stairs towards the parking lot. He watches after her, then...

J.D.'s Thoughts: Hey! I finally broke up with someone!

The music suddenly turns very happy as J.D. does a little victory dance. He stops when Danni turns back to give a wave goodbye, and the sentimental music resumes as he returns the gesture.

Then the jazzy music switches right back as he continues his victory dance.

SceneEdit

PRIVATE PATIENT'S ROOM Elliot, her polished appearance restored, is treating her patient, Mrs. Gorski. Carla enters.

Carla: How you doing, Elliot?

Elliot: Great! I figure I spend three quarters of my life in a place filled with misery and sickness; if I need to feel good about myself, then the hell with everybody!

Carla: And for what it's worth, I think you look beautiful -- I wouldn't change a thing.

Elliot: Ohh.... Oh! I did, uh, tone down the eye makeup a little bit.

Carla: Oh, thank God! You looked so slutty.

Elliot laughs, surprised.

As Ryan Adams' "Rescue Blues" comes up, Elliot reaches over to Mrs. Gorski again, applying a bright red color to the woman's lips as she gazes into a hand mirror.

Elliot: There! All done.

Mrs. Gorski: I look hot!

Elliot laughs.

J.D.'s Narration: Everybody has their own way of getting through the day.

NURSES' STATION The Janitor hums happily while he mops. Dr. Kelso finally comes to and gets up off the floor, his hair a mess.

J.D.'s Narration: For some, it's as simple as standing up for a friend...

Dr. Kelso starts to say something to the Janitor, then pointedly walks off in the other direction.

J.D.'s Narration: ...and getting away with it. For others, it's talking things out with someone.

SPARSE ROOM Dr. Cox continues talking things out with his therapist.

Dr. Cox: I--I know what you're thinking, believe me, I...I do: Why in the world would a civilized, up-town man of the millennium such as myself even go ahead and give a good rat's ass about whether a bunch of snot-nosed baby docs were afraid of him. Right? Well, unfortunately the only way I know how to teach is through fear. And I tell _you_ this because I know that this particular shortcoming will invariably affect your life.

The camera finally angles to reveal that the therapeutic soul-baring is with baby Jack, who happily listens from his swing.

Dr. Cox: And again, sorry about the gay sailor's outfit. Your mother _loves_ it. She couldn't be more pleasant when you have it on. Take it off -- nut bag. Have it on -- pleasant, approachable....

Meanwhile... SACRED HEART ENTRANCE J.D. is still leaning against the rail.

J.D.'s Narration: As for me, if I'm not over Elliot, I might as well wait it out for the long haul. After all, it doesn't mean I'm gonna ignore opportunity if it falls in my lap.

An attractive female staffer comes up the stairs to begin her shift.

J.D.: Hey! Sheila!

Sheila: Leave me alone.

J.D.: Okay...!

Elliot exits the building, quickly looping her arm in J.D.'s and pulling him down the ramp.

Elliot: J.D.! Let's get going. Sean's calling me at home in like ten minutes.

J.D.'s Narration: Oh, this is gonna suck.

The song ends. Fade to black.

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