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3x16 Janitors

The following is a transcript of the Scrubs episode "My Butterfly".

ActEdit

SACRED HEART -- EXTERIOR -- DAY Dr. Cox is coming in to work.

Cut to... INTERIOR -- NURSES' STATION Dr. Cox approaches J.D.

Dr. Cox: Look, Carol, I know you think you look dashing in your navy blue scrubs, but I can't deal with the fact that I walk into the front door of this place and I find you standing there taaaalking at me.

J.D.: All I said was "good morning".

Dr. Cox: Exactly! And who in God's name wants to hear that every day?! "Good morning." In the immortal words of Daffy Duck: I demand that you shoot me now.

He holds a finger up to his temple.

Dr. Cox: If only.

He walks off. J.D. starts down the hall.

J.D.'s Narration: I couldn't help but think two things. First, I do look stunning in these navy scrubs -- I mean, come on, who wants a taste? Second, everyone's day begins differently around here.

He enters... MALE LOCKER ROOM Todd slips on his scrub cap and heads over to the lockers, where a bunch of other green-scrubbed docs have their heads buried.

J.D.'s Narration: The surgeons for instance are the most superstitious bunch. So they always start their mornings with an oddly homo-erotic ass slap...

Todd comes up next to Turk and gives him a firm pat on the ass, startling him.

Turk: Dude! Too deep!

J.D.'s Narration: ...and then their own personal good luck rituals.

Two of the surgeons each kiss some trinket before slamming their locker shut and heading out. Todd picks a photo out of his locker, kisses it, sticks it in his pants, and heads out. Turk, however, is still rummaging through his locker.

Turk: Ohhh, where's my lucky Tabasco 'do-rag!?

J.D. approaches and plucks one out of the locker.

J.D.: Why don't you just use Power Rangers?

Turk: How are Power Rangers as lucky as Tabasco?

J.D.: You remember when communications with Zordon went down and the Megazord was destroyed?

Turk: How did I miss that episode? Ohh, that's right -- I was making love to a woman.

He slams his locker shut and heads out. J.D.: Power Rangers, hoooaaa!

J.D.'s Narration: All you can really hope is that nothing bites you on the ass.

Meanwhile... PATIENT'S ROOM Carla is tending to the little blond girl, Gaby, about 5 or 6 years, as Elliot enters.

Elliot: Gaby, you all set for your bone marrow transplant today?

Gaby: I'm scared. I wanted to bring my stuffed pink doggie with me, but Mean Nurse says I can't.

Elliot: Well, I promise you you'll have it.

She goes around the bed next to Carla, who is writing in the chart.

Elliot: Honestly, _Mean Nurse_, why would you say that?

Carla: [quiet] Because she lost her stuffed pink doggie two days ago.

Elliot stares at her a second.

Elliot: Frick!

She turns back to the girl with a plastered-on grin and a thumb's up. Gaby innocently returns the gesture.

Meanwhile... HALL J.D. and Turk walk through.

Turk: Since I been wearing that Tabasco 'do-rag, my surgery record's like 23 and 0.

J.D.: Are you counting the boil you lanced yesterday?

Turk: Question: Did he die? Answer: No, he did not. The point is, I gotta stick with whatever's hot. Like last month, it was not wearing any underwear.

J.D.: So why don't you just take off your underwear?

They pass Todd, who of course pipes up.

Todd: That's what I keep telling him!

J.D.: [quietly] Todd knows about the underwear thing?

Turk: [quietly and creeped out] No.

They turn to look at Todd, who stands there proudly.

Todd: Oh, yeah.

They turn back.

Turk: Look, the 'do-rag still has the juice, okay? I mean, can you imagine what could happen without it?

FANTASY: O.R.

Turk and Dr. Wen dig around the patient's chest cavity.

Turk: I can't find any kind of obstruction!

Dr. Wen: Keep looking. It must be there!

Suddenly, Randall the karate midget pops up and punches Turk in the crotch. Turk screams, and Randall laughs maniacally.

Turk: [crumpling] I felt it!

BACK TO REALITY

J.D.: Powerful, tiny fists....

Turk: [disturbed] Hm!

He walks on.

J.D.: [to self] He's back.

ActEdit

SceneEdit

ADMISSIONS -- FRONT DESK Carla works behind the desk as J.D. stands there, just kind of staring off into space. A butterfly flutters in.

J.D.'s Narration: Some people say everything comes down to luck....

Turk arrives.

Turk: I need my lucky 'do-rag!

J.D.'s Narration: What I believe is that the most minor event -- even a butterfly flapping its wings -- can affect everything.

J.D. and Turk notice the butterfly as it turns to the waiting area, where a busty young woman and a rather unkempt fat guy sit next to each other. The butterfly lands on the woman's chest.

Turk: [transfixed] Hillside landing.

J.D.'s Narration: Because once that seemingly insignificant event happens....

Carla: What is wrong with you!?

Turk: Baby, I wasn't looking at her lovelies. Okay? I was looking at the butterfly that just happened to _land_ on her lovelies. And who could blame it? There they are, all snuggly and safe and whatnot....

J.D.'s Narration: ...It sets everything else in motion.

Turk and J.D. finally turn their full attention from the young woman to Carla, who does not look pleased.

J.D.: Uncomfortable!

He turns to leave, running right into Nurse Roberts and her tray of smoothies, spilling them on the floor where the Janitor was working.

Sticky and angry, the Janitor stands.

Janitor: Okay, who do I kill?

J.D.: [whispering] She did it!

He flees.

Janitor: Man, I don't wanna clean this up!

Nurse Roberts: Well, then, I think you picked the wrong day to be the janitor.

Turk: Oh!

The Janitor grabs his mop and starts cleaning. Elliot arrives.

Elliot: Janitor? Could you help me find a little girl's pink stuffed doggie?

Janitor: I would love to, Darlin', but I'm a little bit busy right now.

Dejected, she goes off.

J.D.'s Narration: And insignificant events can lead to significant events.

Cut to... I.C.U. -- NURSES' STATION J.D. is writing in a chart as Dr. Kelso approaches.

J.D.'s Narration: Like me being on time and Dr. Cox being late for a change.

Dr. Kelso: Where the hell is Dr. Cox? His shift started four minutes ago!

J.D.'s Thoughts: Uh-oh. You've gotta cover for him.

FANTASY:

J.D. enthusiastically strums a banjo, causing Dr. Kelso to dance.

BACK TO REALITY

J.D.: Have to learn to play the banjo.

Dr. Kelso: Dammit, son, are you listening to me?

J.D.: Yes, sir!

J.D.'s Thoughts: And _buy_ a banjo.

Dr. Cox arrives.

Dr. Cox: Hey, fellas. What'd I miss?

J.D.'s Thoughts: And here he is!

Dr. Cox: Goodness gracious. Suddenly I'm getting the most intense headache. Lemme see if this relieves the pain.

He grabs J.D. by the shoulders and puts him between himself and Dr. Kelso.

Dr. Cox: Better. [pushes J.D. away] Worse. [pulls J.D. in] Better. [pushes J.D. away] Worse. I could do this all day!

Dr. Kelso: You know, Perry, since Dr. Dorian was on time and you were busy in the break room coming up with that hilarious "better-worse" bit, maybe you should answer to him all day.

He starts to walk off.

J.D.: Uh, Dr. Kelso? That's my pen.

Dr. Kelso tosses the pen and it sails right past J.D.'s outstretched hand.

Dr. Cox: Nice grab.

J.D.: Well, I'm a lefty.

Dr. Cox: You know, my head's probably going to melt when I say this but Kelso's idea wasn't half bad. Letting you run this place for a day would be a great educational experience. And, come on, let's face facts -- the training bra's got to come off eventually. So, it's your show, Debbie. Is this moment just the way you always pictured it?

FANTASY/FLASHBACK: TURK AND J.D.'S APARTMENT

J.D. is playing with a couple of dolls, who vaguely resemble himself and Dr. Cox.

J.D.: [voicing Dr. Cox] It's your show, Debbie. Is this moment just like you always pictured?

Just then, the head of his J.D. doll pops off and rolls away.

J.D.: Stupid homemade dolls....

BACK TO REALITY

J.D.: It's a little bigger...?

Dr. Cox: [walking away] Ehhhhh.

J.D. follows after. Turk and Carla (a bit antsy) arrive.

Carla: Turk, I just got off of a 12-hour shift. I'm starving and I have yet to take a single bathroom break -- which, by the way, is why I'm dancing a little -- and you want me to run home, search through your nasties, and bring back your lucky 'do-rag?

Turk: And if you could be back in twenty minutes that'd be great.

Dr. Kelso approaches.

Dr. Kelso: Nurse Espinosa, your shift ended nine minutes ago. How is it that your time card isn't punched out?

Carla: Well, sir, I--

Turk: Dr. Kelso, how is it that you had an ambulance take you to your dinner reservation last night just so you wouldn't lose it?

Dr. Kelso: How do you know that?

Turk: Because I'm the "homeboy" you screamed at to get my "ghettomobile" off the road.

Dr. Kelso takes a breath to say something, but realizes he doesn't have a leg to stand on. He leaves.

Turk mocks him by making grumbling noises of protest and then flashes Carla a heroic smile.

Carla: Turk! I don't need you to fight my battles for me. It makes me look like I can't defend myself!

She goes off.

Turk: [calling after her] You're absolutely right, baby. And I apologize! Remember! 'Do-rag!

SceneEdit

TURK AND J.D.'S APARTMENT One of her problems apparently solved, Carla enters and flops on the couch, where she encounters something foreign under her and pulls it out -- it's a half-eaten Snickers bar.

Carla: Huh!

After considering it briefly, she raises it to her lips. Just then, her phone rings. Carla: [on phone] Hello?

Meanwhile... SACRED HEART -- NURSES' STATION Elliot's there on her cell phone.

Elliot: [on phone] Hey, it's Elliot. What are you doing?

Carla tosses the candy bar over her shoulder.

Carla: [on phone] Nothing disgusting.

Elliot: [on phone] I can't find that girl's little pink doggie anywhere.

Todd arrives and hops up on the desk next to her.

Todd: I got a pink doggie for you -- but it is not little.

Elliot: Look, if you show me your penis, I'm gonna take it away from you.

Todd: [leaving] Cool.

Elliot turns back to her phone.

Elliot: [on phone] Yeah, that was Todd.

Carla: [on phone] Don't worry about the doggie. I'll be right there.

She hangs up and leaps off the couch, passing the bathroom without a second glance as she heads out the door. The problem in that is that Rowdy's in there, with a very important-looking Tabasco 'do-rag on his head.

SceneEdit

PATIENT'S ROOM Dr. Cox and J.D. are at the bed of their patient, Mr. Strauss.

Mr. Strauss: Basically, I've had nausea and stomach pains for a couple of days now.

J.D.: Mr. Strauss, I don't wanna tell you how to live your life, but maybe you should avoid eating sushi from the Gas 'n' Go.

Patient: It came free with the fill-up! What am I supposed to do, just throw it away?

Dr. Cox: Yes. Yes, you are. Fortunately, though, your vitals are normal, so we'll check back with you in a little while.

They leave the room.

Follow to... NURSES' STATION Dr. Cox starts filling out the chart.

J.D.: Sounds to me like a G.I. bleed.

Dr. Cox: Sounds to me like angina. Look, Newbie, if you leave this hospital knowing only one thing -- and, God save me, it seems like there's a pretty good chance that just might happen -- let that one thing be this: that medicine is a collaborative effort. And that means that your opinion is just as important as mine. So, let's see if you got the gobstoppers to take the lead. Be me! [laughs mockingly then turns away with a vague growl]

J.D.'s Thoughts: Come on...you can do this. Navy scrubs! Navy scrubs! Navy scrubs!

He whistles to get Dr. Cox's attention, then gets in his face.

J.D.: [Dr. Cox voice...kinda] Hhhheeeere's the deal, Eleanor: We're gonna go ahead and get a full work-up on this guy. So, while I drop an NG tube and do a gastric lavage, why don't you go ahead and get an order on EKG with cardio biomarkers. If you need to know where those are, they're on page 37 of the Ann Taylor catalog -- right next to that salmon cable-knit sweater you've wanted for so long but haven't had the courage to order...'cause you're worried the weave's so thin, your nipples might just go ahead and peek their little pink selves through. Isn't that right, Dr. Cox.

Dr. Cox deals with this confrontation by staring at the ceiling.

J.D.: [still with voice] ...Dr. Cox...

Dr. Cox: [snapping out of it] Oh, I-I-I'm sorry. Here I was in my own little world, talking to myself and dreaming about candy bracelets.

J.D.: I don't like candy bracelets.

J.D.'s Thoughts: I love them!

The nearby elevator opens.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Now you gotta grab that elevator. But not without giving him his patented shoulder bump!

J.D.: Good day.

He pushes past Dr. Cox, knocking him in the shoulder...

J.D.: OW!

...and drops to the ground in pain.

J.D.: [from floor] How you like me now?

SceneEdit

HALL -- LATER J.D. catches up with Elliot.

J.D.: Hey, you find your pink doggie yet?

Elliot: Nope. But I had the pleasure of meeting Helen, the laundry room lady.

J.D.: Oh, I think I know her! Does she have blonde hair?

Elliot: No.

J.D.: Brown hair?

Elliot: Y-nuh-uh.

J.D.: No hair!

Elliot: That's the one.

J.D.: Yeah, that's from the dryers.

He gestures to a door.

J.D.: Hey! You know, the janitor's still downstairs. Why don't we just check his custodial closet?

He opens the door and they enter... CUSTODIAL CLOSET A bunch of guys in jumpsuits and strangely familiar hair stand around talking. A large poster of J.D. is on the wall, a label above reading "HIM".

Upon seeing J.D., one of the janitors slaps the picture down. Another approaches J.D. and Elliot. Custodian: Hey. You're not welcome here.

J.D., still taking in his surroundings, suddenly hears a familiar voice. He looks down.

Randall: 'Sup.

J.D.: Randall?!

Randall: Just got the job, brah.

J.D.: [to self] So that's why he's been back in my dreams....

Custodian: Beat it.

J.D.: Gotta go.

He spins around and pushes Elliot out the door.

SceneEdit

NOURISHMENT STATION Turk meets up with Carla, who is getting herself a cup of coffee.

Turk: Did you bring my lucky 'do-rag?

Carla: Why don't you wear the fluffy puppies 'do-rag that I got you for Lent?

Turk: Baby, I hate to tell you this, but the fluffy puppies? They killed like three people -- they banned from the O.R.

Carla: Well, what do you want me to do, Turk? I forgot!

Turk: You forgot. You never pay attention to the little things that are important to me.

J.D.'s Narration: You'd be surprised how when one thing goes wrong around here, everything seems to go wrong.

Meanwhile... PATIENT'S ROOM J.D. enters, the room abuzz with beeping machines as Dr. Cox and Nurse Roberts frantically try to stabilize Mr. Strauss.

J.D.: What happened?

Dr. Cox: Vitals are tanking!

Nurse Roberts: No pulse in lower extremities.

J.D.: I don't get it, he wasn't showing any signs of distress!

Dr. Cox: Come on, come on, come on! We gotta make a decision here.

J.D.: Uh...let's get him a CT angiogram -- stat.

Dr. Cox: Good.

Cut to... MRI ROOM J.D. and Dr. Cox view the results as Nurse Roberts tends the patient.

Dr. Cox: It's an aortic dissection. It's bad.

J.D.: [to Nurse Roberts] Call surgery. Tell 'em we're on our way.

Nurse Roberts rushes out to follow the direction as J.D. and Dr. Cox hurriedly push Mr. Strauss' gurney out.

J.D.'s Narration: In a hospital, it's hard to avoid letting people down.

Meanwhile... HALL Elliot walks along with Gaby as she's wheeled to surgery.

J.D.'s Narration: Whether it's someone you made a promise to...

Gaby: I want my doggie!

Elliot: I'm so sorry.

She stops at the door of the Nourishment Station where Turk and Carla are. A second later, J.D. and Dr. Cox race past with Mr. Strauss.

Dr. Cox: Let's go, Gandhi! You're on!

J.D.'s Narration: ...or someone you love...

Turk: I gotta go.

He rushes down the hall after them.

Carla: Turk, I'm sorry!

Cut to... O.R. J.D. watches through the observation window as Turk and Dr. Wen work.

J.D.'s Narration: ...or even letting down someone you barely knew at all.

The monitor flat lines. With a heavy sigh, Turk drops his instrument.

J.D.'s Narration: In the end, it's the "what ifs" that hurt the most. Like, what if things had gone a little differently?

Cut to... CAFETERIA -- A BIT LATER J.D. and Dr. Cox sit at a table.

Dr. Cox: Lookit, it's just that aortic dissections are a doctor's worst nightmare. If you don't catch 'em early, there's about a ninety percent mortality rate. I mean, honestly, unless your patient was lucky enough to trip and fall into a CAT-scan machine, he wasn't gonna have a happy ending. Newbie, we didn't have a chance on this one.

J.D. nods and Dr. Cox leaves the table. Just then, the butterfly lands on the nearby window. J.D. eyes it thoughtfully.

J.D.'s Narration: Me, I don't believe in fate. I believe we have more control than we think, and that every action has a reaction. After all....

We suddenly go into quick reverse as the day's events are wound back.

ADMISSIONS -- FRONT DESK J.D. and Turk are there as Carla works behind the desk. The butterfly flutters in.

J.D.'s Narration: The most minor event -- even a butterfly flapping its wings -- can change everything. Sometimes for the better. Even if it doesn't seem like it at first.

J.D. and Turk notice the butterfly as it turns to the waiting area, where the busty young woman and the fat guy sit next to each other. This time it lands on the guy's chest.

Turk: Look away.

J.D.: I can't.

ActEdit

SceneEdit

ADMISSIONS The scene resumes, with J.D. and Turk staring at the butterfly on the guy's chest.

J.D.'s Narration: It's funny how a seemingly insignificant event can set everything else in motion.

Turk: [disgusted] Hillside landing.

Carla: What is wrong with you? I can't believe you're looking at that guy's cleavage while Suzy Big-Rack over there is sitting there busting out of her niece's tank top.

Turk: [noticing] How the hell did I miss that?

Carla: Damn, you're whipped.

Turk: Uh-uh!

Carla: [making whip noise] Kssshhh!

Nurse Roberts enters, carrying a tray of smoothies.

J.D.: [reaching] Mmmm! Orange Goo Goo!

Nurse Roberts: Ain't nothing here for you, mooch!

She passes. The Janitor stands up from the work he'd been doing on the floor.

Janitor: All done.

Elliot arrives.

Elliot: Janitor, could you help me look for a little girl's pink stuffed doggie?

Janitor: I would love to. I'll meet you upstairs in ten minutes.

Elliot: You are like...the sweetest guy!

Janitor: [smiling modestly] I'm blushing.

Elliot giggles girlishly and happily leaves.

J.D.: [to Janitor] Heh. So charming. Could you be half as nice to me as you are to her?

Janitor: You are right. We need a fresh start. Come on.

He holds out his hand to J.D., who eyes it suspiciously a moment. Finally, he shakes the Janitor's hand.

J.D.: Fresh start.

Janitor: Mm-hmm.

They shake hands a moment, but when J.D. goes to pull away, the Janitor holds firm.

Janitor: I think we need a longer fresh start.

J.D.: How long do ya...suppose this'll be?

Janitor: Probably ten minutes.

J.D. sighs and leans against the desk as the Janitor continues shaking.

Janitor: Ease into it. Let's mix it up -- let's saw some wood. [shakes back and forth] There we go. Nice. Very good.

J.D.'s Narration: And insignificant events can lead to significant events.

Cut to... I.C.U. -- NURSES' STATION Dr. Kelso and Dr. Cox are there as J.D. arrives.

J.D.'s Narration: Like me being late because I was in the world's longest handshake.

J.D.: Sorry I'm late. What'd I miss?

Dr. Cox: Take a wild guess.

FANTASY:

This time Dr. Cox strums the banjo as Dr. Kelso plays a washboard.

BACK TO REALITY

J.D.'s Thoughts: I should get Turk a washboard!

Dr. Kelso: [taking J.D.'s pen] Son, do you think I got to be chief of medicine by being late?

Dr. Cox: Nooo, Bobbo! You got there by back-stabbing and ass-kissing.

Dr. Kelso: Maybe so, but I started those things promptly at 8.

He starts to walk off.

J.D.: Uh, Dr. Kelso? That's my pen.

Dr. Kelso tosses the pen and it sails right past J.D.'s outstretched hand.

Dr. Cox: Nice grab.

J.D.: I'm a righty.

Dr. Cox: [walking away] Ehhhhh.

J.D. follows after. Turk and Carla arrive, already in conversation.

Carla: ...You want me to go all the way home and search through your nasties and bring back your lucky 'do-rag?

Turk: And if you could be back in twenty minutes, that'd be great.

Dr. Kelso approaches.

Dr. Kelso: Nurse Espinosa, your shift ended nine minutes ago. How is it that your time card isn't punched out?

Turk leans against the desk while Carla explains herself.

Carla: Well, sir--

Dr. Kelso: Start punching out on time or I'll punch you out on time!

She raises her eyebrows at him.

Dr. Kelso: I don't mean that violently, I was just trying to turn a phrase.

He leaves.

Carla: Turk! Why didn't you stand up for me?

Turk: Baby, you said I was too whipped.

Carla: I need you to be more supportive.

She goes off.

Turk: [calling after her] You're absolutely right, baby. And I apologize! Remember! 'Do-rag!

SceneEdit

I.C.U. A bald woman wheels a laundry cart through, past the Janitor sweeping the floor.

Janitor: Hey, Helen.

Helen: Hey, cutie.

Elliot approaches the Janitor.

Elliot: Janitor? Thanks again for your help, but I know that you're busy. I mean, I could just call Carla, and--

Janitor: No! Mark my words: We will find that little girl's stuffed animal.

Elliot: [touched] You are really taking a personal interest in this!

The Janitor stares off for a moment.

FANTASY/FLASHBACK: CHILD'S BEDROOM

A roughly 8-year-old Janitor comes in, where his mother (grandmother-mom or sister-mom?) is tidying up.

Little Janitor: Mommy! Where's my teddy bear?

Janitor's Mom: Oh. I must have accidentally thrown it out when I was cleaning up.

She bends down to him.

Janitor's Mom: You know, this never would have happened if your room weren't so filthy.

She stands again and leaves. The heartbroken little boy grabs the nearby broom and clutches it.

He makes a private vow, his voice replaced by...

Janitor: [voice over] Never again.

BACK TO REALITY

The Janitor stands clutching his broom.

SceneEdit

TURK AND J.D.'S APARTMENT Carla enters and flops on the couch, where she encounters something foreign under her and pulls it out -- it's a half-eaten Snickers bar.

Carla: Ewww.

After considering it briefly, she raises it to her lips and takes a bite.

Carla: [sickened] Eeeuugh!

She leaps off the couch and runs to the bathroom, spitting the foul candy into the sink.

Carla: Ugh.

Then she notices Rowdy and his headwear.

Carla: Oh, hey. Thanks, Rowdy.

She grabs the 'do-rag.

Carla: Hey, by the way, as soon as we're married, you're outta here.

She leaves, smacking Rowdy with the 'do-rag on her way out.

SceneEdit

PATIENT'S ROOM Dr. Cox and J.D. are at the bed of their patient, Mr. Strauss.

Patient: Basically, I've had nausea and stomach pains for a couple of days now.

J.D.: Maybe you should avoid eating sushi from the Gas 'n' Go.

Patient: It came free with the fill-up! What am I supposed to do, just throw it away?

Dr. Cox: Yes. Yes, you are. Fortunately, though, your vitals are normal, so we'll check back with you in a little while.

They leave the room.

Follow to... HALL J.D. catches up with Dr. Cox.

J.D.: Sounds to me like a G.I. bleed.

Dr. Cox: Look, Newbie, if you go ahead and leave this hospital knowing only one thing -- and God save me, it looks like there's a real chance that might happen -- please let this be that one thing: I'm in charge, and I don't care about your opinion. Now [whistles] go get me a cup of coffee.

The nearby elevator opens.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Whatever. Just avoid the shoulder bump, catch the elevator, and make a great wise-ass remark before the doors close!

He swerves around Dr. Cox and boards the elevator.

J.D.: Hoohoo, hey, Dr. Cox, if you're so smart, maybe you should just...go ahead and be the...you're the kind of...

The door closes.

J.D.: ...Oh, dammit!

ELEVATOR Three other doctors are already there, one of whom is the infamous Mickhead, their conversation interrupted by J.D.'s presence.

J.D.: I don't know what happened there. I'm usually quick and funny....

They stare at him silently for a second and then go back to their discussion.

Doctor #1: So I had this guy today presenting vomiting and abdominal pain? Two hours and one CT later, I tell him he's got ischemic bowel.

Dr. Mickhead: Mm.

J.D.: Have you ever noticed that words that rhyme with "bowel" are always bad? Like "scowl", "growl"..."movies with Andie MacDowell"....

Dr. Mickhead: [deadpan] You're right, J.D. You are funny.

J.D.: [laughs modestly] Stop.

The elevator opens.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Ischemic bowel! That's it!

SceneEdit

CUSTODIAL CLOSET Elliot enters to find the same bunch of guys in jumpsuits and strangely familiar hair standing around talking. The large poster of J.D. is still on the wall, a label above still reading "HIM".

Elliot: Uhhmmm....

A custodian approaches Elliot.

Custodian: Heeeeyyy! Get outta here.

Frightened, she turns and starts to leave, but the Janitor comes in and turns her back.

Janitor: It's all right, Butchie, she's with me.

Elliot smiles.

Janitor: Where is that lost & found box?

Randall: Over here, brah.

He steps aside to reveal the box.

Elliot: Why does it say "free stuff"?

Janitor: Heh-heh. I have no idea.

He rummages through the box, producing a pink stuffed poodle.

Janitor: Hey-hey-hey! Is that what you're looking for?

Elliot: [happily taking it] Awesome! What time is it?

He rummages through the box and finds a wristwatch.

Janitor: Uhhh.... 4:30.

She races from the room. The Janitor holds the watch to his ear to see if it's actually still running.

Janitor: Dibs.

He rummages through the box again and finds a teddy bear.

Janitor: Dibs.

He rummages once more and finds a pink and yellow article of clothing, which he tosses to one of the other janitors.

Janitor: Butchie.

Butchie: Dude!

Janitor: Back to work!

SceneEdit

NOURISHMENT STATION Turk meets up with Carla, who is getting herself a cup of coffee. She holds up the 'do-rag.

Turk: You found it! Ha!

Carla: [smug] 'Course I did.

Turk: See, that's what I love about you, baby. You always pick up on the little things that are important to me.

Carla: Yeah, that's my job.

Turk: Ah.

He laughs seductively and pulls her into a kiss. She giggles.

J.D.'s Narration: You'd be surprised how when one thing goes right around here, everything seems to go right.

Checking if anyone's around, Turk pulls Carla into the room and closes the door, laying an even bigger kiss on her.

Meanwhile... PATIENT'S ROOM Dr. Cox is checking on Mr. Strauss as J.D. enters.

J.D.: Look, Dr. Cox, I know my opinion doesn't mean anything and I'm always wrong and apparently useless -- which deep down you know isn't true because... [notices his empty hand] ...shoot, I forgot your coffee. Anyway, I was thinking we should get a CT scan on Mr. Strauss, because he might have bowel ischemia.

Dr. Cox: You know what, what the hell. It can't hurt. Let's get on it.

J.D.: [impressed] All right.

Cut to... MRI ROOM J.D. and Dr. Cox view the results as Nurse Roberts tends the patient.

J.D.: It doesn't look like he's ischemic.

Dr. Cox: No, Newbie, but that right there is the start of an aortic dissection, and dammit all if we didn't catch it early.

Mr. Strauss: Is that good?

Dr. Cox: [smiling] That's very good. Laverne, will you call the O.R. and have it prepped?

Joey Ramone's cover of "What a Wonderful World" starts as Nurse Roberts goes out to follow the direction and J.D. and Dr. Cox get ready to take Mr. Strauss to the O.R.

J.D.'s Narration: In a hospital, it's great when you get to come through for someone.

Meanwhile... HALL Elliot walks along with Gaby, her doggie in her arms, as she's wheeled to surgery.

Gaby: Thanks!

Elliot: See you when you wake up.

As Gaby is pushed on, Elliot stops at the door of the Nourishment Station where Turk and Carla are. A second later, J.D. and Dr. Cox stroll through with Mr. Strauss.

Dr. Cox: Will you be joining us, there, Gandhi?

Carla: Good luck.

She kisses him.

Turk: [pointing to 'do-rag] Already got it.

He follows along after Dr. Cox and J.D., and squeals as Carla pats his rear on his way past.

Cut to... O.R. J.D. watches through the observation window as Turk and Dr. Wen work. The song fades.

Dr. Wen: Clamp.

J.D.'s Narration: Of course, it still doesn't always work out the way you'd hope.

The monitor flat lines. Dr. Wen removes his mask and watches the display in disbelief. Turk sighs heavily, and J.D.'s face falls.

Dr. Wen: Rachel(?), clean up.

Cut to... PATIENT'S ROOM -- LATER Elliot plays with Gaby.

J.D.'s Narration: In the end, you learn to treasure the times when things go your way.

Elliot: So glad you're okay!

Meanwhile... DOCTORS' LOUNGE Turk tosses his Tabasco 'do-rag away and flops on the couch next to Carla, who puts her arms around him.

J.D.'s Narration: And be there for the ones you love when they don't.

Meanwhile... CAFETERIA J.D. and Dr. Cox sit at a table.

J.D.'s Narration: And most importantly, you learn to accept that some things are out of your hands.

Dr. Cox: Didn't matter when we caught it, Newbie. It was just his time.

J.D.: Yeah....

Dr. Cox leaves the table. Just then, the butterfly lands on the nearby window. J.D. eyes it thoughtfully.

J.D.'s Narration: But still, with so much of life left up to chance, you can't help but look back and wonder.... What if things had been different...?

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