Open: Elliot's apartment.
J.D.'s Narration: It's been a week, but for some reason, I'm still having trouble moving past my break-up with Julie. Luckily my roommate knows how to take care of me.
(Elliot enters and hangs a cutout of her face over Julie's in the painting of J.D. and Julie, then sits next to J.D.)
J.D.: Nice! Now it's a picture of you and me on a unicorn.
Elliot: J.D., that's Gary Busey.
(J.D. looks at the painting again. It is indeed Gary Busey's face.)
J.D.: It's uncanny!
(Cut to bathroom. Elliot is showering.)
J.D.'s Narration: Now that we lived together, Elliot and I were getting tighter every day.
(J.D. enters and dumps a bucket of ice cold water on Elliot over the the shower curtain.)
Elliot: AAAAHHH!! OH!! OH, MY GOD, THAT'S COLD!! AAAHHH!!! J.D.!!!
J.D.'s Narration: She wasn't great at practical jokes.
(Cut to J.D. in the shower. Elliot drops a live raccoon over the shower curtain, causing him to yell in pain. Cut to living room. J.D. enters, running, tangled in the shower curtain. He runs head on into a cabinet and knocks himself out. Cut to hospital parking lot. J.D. is riding his scooter.)
J.D.'s Narration: But still, we'd become inseparable.
(Elliot is on roller blades, riding behind J.D.'s scooter on a tow rope. She nearly runs into a nurse and orderly. She ducks and they jump over the rope.)
Elliot: Thanks for the ride, buddy! See you upstairs!
(Elliot drops the tow rope, then hurdles over a stretcher.)
Elliot: Todd, gun show!
(Todd flexes his arms, which Elliot uses as a pivot to turn into the hospital.)
Todd: [to an elderly lady passing by] Don't worry, man, I got covers for these. You can touch them, the safety's on. Doosh!
(Cut to ICU.)
Patient: I keep getting lightheaded and passing out but you haven't seen it because it only happens when I yawn.
Dr. Cox: No problem. Newbie, quick, tell him a story.
J.D.: Lay off Bob, OK? I'm still upset about this whole Julie thing...
(The patient yawns and passes out on his tray of food.)
J.D.: You know in high school once, there was a...
(Dr. Cox yawns and falls over backwards.)
J.D.: Hope that hurt.
(Dr. Cox stands up.)
Dr. Cox: Totally worth it. Now, I need one of you two clowns to do a neurological workup on this guy. It's going to be a giant pain in the ass.
(Elliot rolls away on her roller blades.)
Dr. Cox: Hmm, Newbie. Looks like it's you. All the best.
(Dr. Cox exits.)
J.D.: Damn those roller blades. OK, everybody, let's gather round.
J.D.'s Narration: After six months on the job, some interns can become completely overwhelmed.
J.D.: Where's Rex?
Jason: He's gone fetal again.
J.D.: Put a blankie on him.
Keith: I've got it!
(Keith wraps Rex in a blanket and comforts him.)
J.D.'s Narration: Unfortunately, young Keith had become competent so quickly that every word out of his chiseled mouth came tainted with an arrogant smugness that he couldn't hide no matter how hard he tried.
Keith: Is there anything else I can do, Dr. Dorian?
J.D.'s Narration: Right on cue.
J.D.: No, Keith. All I need right now is a sip of your coffee to make me feel warm in my belly.
(J.D. snatches Keith's coffee cup and spills it on himself.)
J.D.: Aww, Keith, look what you did!
Keith: Dr. Dorian, take my shirt.
(J.D. removes his shirt Keith removes his shirt and offers it to J.D.)
J.D.: You think you're better than me? With your rock-hard abs, and your dynamite areolas? You're not.
(J.D. turns to leave, and reveals that his back is covered in cuts and scratches from the raccoon. The interns gasp.)
Jason: Dr. D, what's on your back?
J.D.: Those, Jason, are the panicked scratches of the adolescent raccoon. Though until animal control can get into my home, it's currently residing in my sock drawer.
J.D.'s To clear my head, I decided to give scooter-blading a try.
(Cut to hospital parking lot. Elliot is driving J.D.'s scooter as J.D. tries to ride behind on roller blades.)
J.D.: I got this! Start it, Grandma!
(Elliot revs the scooter up. J.D. loses control and drops the tow rope. Janitor is in the process of tossing a garbage bag over the fence when he notices.)
Janitor: [to himself] Hm?
(Janitor runs into J.D.'s path with a cinder block and piece of plywood. He takes a hasty measurement, then creates a ramp, and runs offscreen.)
(Janitor backs a van up behind the ramp. J.D. hits the ramp and crashes into the side of the van. Janitor opens the sliding door.)
Janitor: Woohoo! That was close.
OPENING THEME Open: ICU. J.D. enters massaging his forehead.
Keith: You OK, Dr. Dorian?
J.D.: Keith, it's like you're begging me to hate you.
Keith: I don't feel like I am.
J.D.: You can't stop, can you?
(Dr. Cox enters and whistles at J.D.)
Dr. Cox: Newbie, today!
(Dr. Cox drags him towards Mrs. Wilk's room.
J.D.'s Narration: We were both a little edgy because our favorite patient, Mrs. Wilk, had developed a lung infection and needed to be intubated for a week. So basically, we had to put her in a coma. Of course, at her age, there's always a chance that she'll never wake up.
(J.D. and Dr. Cox enter Mrs. Wilk's room.)
J.D.: A whole week of sleep. You're gonna have some killer bed head. I'm nervous, I'm sorry, I love bed head, look, check this.
Dr. Cox: Marge, the patient should not have to be braver than you.
Mrs. Wilk: Go easy on him, he's my fellow. Now listen. If this doesn't work, I want you to just let me go. Don't let me linger.
J.D.'s Narration: Even though you'd think we'd all be used to this kind of stuff by now, when a patient has been around for a while, it gets to everyone., no matter how long they've been here.
(Pan to show Elliot, Carla, Turk and Dr. Kelso watching through the window.)
Dr. Kelso: Turkleton, you're a surgeon, when did you ever deal with Mrs. Wilk?
(Flashback. Mrs. Wilk's room. Turk is dancing as Mrs. Wilk stops the music on a boom box on her lap.)
Mrs. Wilk: You're not extending your arm. It's called "pop and lock," Christopher, not "pop and dangle."
Mrs. Wilk: OK?
(Mrs. Wilk starts the music again and Turk begins dancing.)'
Turk: Oh! OK! Uh-huh!
Mrs. Wilk: You're getting it now, baby! You're getting!
Turk: I'll see you later, baby!
Mrs. Wilk: Little Michael! Little Michael!
Turk: Changed my life.
J.D.: All right. Here we go. See you in a couple days.
Mrs. Wilk: Let's hope so.
J.D.'s Narration: Everyone has their own way of getting stuff off their minds.
(Cut to gym. Turk is lifting weights.)
J.D.'s Narration: Some like to work it off.
(Cut to the bar. Dr. Cox orders a drink.)
J.D.'s Narration: Others try to drink it away.
(Cut to a body-piercing parlor. J.D. sits in the chair.)
J.D.'s Narration: For me, I had heard that the piercing girl at the mall was easy.
J.D.: Thanks for penciling me in.
Piercing Girl: Mmhmm.
J.D.: Maybe later, you can show me where else you're pierced.
Piercing Girl: Why wait till later?
J.D.: All right.
(She grabs J.D. in a headlock and wrestles him to the floor. Popping noises from the piercing gun are heard.)
J.D.: Ahh! Uhhg! Ahh! Uggh!
(They stand up. J.D. has piercings all over his face.)
J.D.: I feel so close to you right now.
(The Piercing Girl unzips J.D.'s pants off screen and shoots him with the gun.)
J.D.: [high pitched] HOOOOO!!
(Cut to gym. Turk finishes a set as Carla and and Elliot enter.)
Elliot: Why do I always forget that I'm lactose intolerant?
Turk: What are you guys doing down here?
Elliot: Well, we were so bummed about Mrs. Wilk that we inhaled six gallons of ice cream.
Carla: Would you tell Dr. Kelso to make this gym more female friendly?
Elliot: Yeah, there's like no equipment for women down here.
Todd: You know where there's all kinds of equipment for women? Todd-land.
Turk: Dammit, Todd, what did I tell you about talking like that around my wife?
Todd: Wait until she leaves and then say it?
Turk: Exactly! (To Elliot and Carla) You're welcome.
(Cut to the bar. Janitor enters.)
Janitor: You saving this seat for your ex-wife?
Dr. Cox: No, no. She's uh, she's over there.
(Dr. Cox points to a table in the corner where Jordan is cherries from a guy's hand.)
Guy: Do you know that guy pointing us?
Jordan: No. You should fight him.
Dr. Cox: One rule. No yapping. The only thing I want to hear is the sound of my liver drunkenly singing rugby songs.
Janitor: Calm down. I'm not even here. Seriously. My shift at the hospital doesn't end for three hours. I hate that place and everyone in it.
Dr. Cox: I'll drink to hate. Cheers.
(Scene changes to later in the evening. The bar is covered with empty beer mugs and shot glasses.)
Dr. Cox: Ha ha ha! You're right. You know what else I hate about Kelso?
Dr. Cox: His hair smells like a pet store.
Janitor: Oh, actually, that;s my fault. I filled his hairspray can with dog sweat.
Dr. Cox: Dogs don't sweat.
Dr. Cox: No.
Janitor: What the hell am I putting in there?
Jordan: Per, we're giving Bobby a ride home. Say goodnight to your girlfriend, I'm sure he'll be here tomorrow.
Janitor: I will. Not that it matters.
Dr. Cox: Not that I care.
Jordan: Perry! Door closes at midnight! Ugh!
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I gotta go.
(Cut to Nurses' Station. Elliot is examining J.D.'s piercing wounds.)
J.D.: I tell you, I am done trying to pick up the random ladies, because every time I do, I end up with a bunch of face holes and an emerald stud in my peep.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Which I'm keeping.
Turk: Dude, you're surrounded by female interns who'd do anything to get with the big, bad attending. Make a booty call.
Carla: He's right, people have been making booty calls since the dawn of time.
(Cut to J.D.'s fantasy. J.D. is a caveman, lying in bed with a cavewoman. J.D. gets up to leave.)
Cavewoman: Cronk! Why you go now?
J.D.: Oh, hey, you're up. Umm, look, I don't what you're looking for, but I just got out of a really tough relationship with this girl, Debbie. Also, my sister was carried off by a giant bird, so we've all been in mourning about that, and, um, my brother at my foot. But you were just fantastic. The things you were doing last night, they were, well, crazy. OK? Uh, so when I clear my own stuff up, I'd love to maybe get back together with you.
J.D.: OK, I should really go.
J.D.: You know what? I'll do it. If my partner in crime here will join me.
Elliot: Ugh, J.D., booty calls are pathetic.
Carla: More pathetic than emailing your high school boyfriend to see if his marriage is holding up, hello?
(Carla and Turk high-five.)
Turk: Black hand-slap.
Elliot: Uh-huh Carla, Mike Gorski wrote "keep in touch" in my yearbook, and that's all I'm doing, OK? Yes, he did say that his wife, Carol, is his "soulmate," and yes, they also have adorable twins, but he also said that he wishes she knew how to ski, so let's just see if they're still together, come winter. Yes, J.D., I will do this with you.
(Elliot exits, dragging J.D. with her.)
Turk: Oh, Dr. Kelso.
(Turk exits after Dr. Kelso. Dr. Cox enters.)
Dr. Cox: Where, uh, where's your wife going?
Carla: He's gonna go ask Dr. Kelso if he can get some equipment for women in the gym.
Dr. Cox: Oh, that is so nice.
Carla: My baby's learning.
(Cut to Dr. Kelso's office. Turk is about to knock on the door, but Dr. Cox stops him.)
Dr. Cox: Are you crazy? Why would you want your wife in the gym?
Turk: Because, unlike you, I don't hate my wife.
Dr. Cox: Yet. You don't hate your wife yet. But think about it, huh? You go to work, she's there. You go out, she's there. And when you go home, where is she?
Dr. Cox: Ding! Women are everywhere. Except for the gym. That's why it's such a magical place. Don't ruin that, don't be that guy. Come on, you're so much more than that. [wishpering] I'm begging you.
(Cut to the bar. An old lady sits next to Dr. Cox.)
Dr. Cox: Uh, ma'am, I'm actually saving that for someone.
Lady: Oh, that's not allowed.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough. Say, that's some real nice pants you have on.
Lady: Oh, well thank you. It's 40% off.
Dr. Cox: What do you say you swing by my place and see if we can't get it 100% off?
(The lady exits, affronted. Janitor enters. Dr. Cox slides a beer down the bar to him.)
Dr. Cox: Had to be done.
Janitor: Thanks, chief, I got your next one.
Dr. Cox: Don't mention it.
Janitor: So I'm late because Dorian parked his scooter behind my new van.
Dr. Cox: Ohh.
Janitor: Practically punctured a tire backing over the thing. Kid drives me crazy.
Dr. Cox: Got a new van, huh?
Janitor: Well, you blew up the old one over a bet, remember?
Dr. Cox: Right. Ah, Dorian drives me crazy, too. But, what are you gonna do about it?
(Cut to J.D.'s bedroom. J.D. is asleep. Dr. Cox and Janitor stand over him, sipping beers.)
Janitor: Stole this from his locker.
(Janitor holds up a key.)
Janitor: I come by here a couple times a week and just move stuff around, turn off his alarm, maybe cut off his bangs.
Dr. Cox: Well, you're clearly in need of help, but gosh-darn it, I'm not gonna give it to you. How sound asleep do you think he really is?
Janitor: Well, watch this.
(Janitor kicks J.D's mattress.)
J.D.: [in his sleep] What?
Janitor: So what now?
(Cut to hospital parking lot. J.D's bed (With J.D. still in it) has been moved to the middle of the parking lot. An ambulance is parked right behind him and the siren goes off.)
J.D.: WAAH! Naked. Excellent. Who took my emerald?
(Cut to hospital.)
J.D.'s Narration: After paying the Janitor the unreasonable sum of $90 to move my bed back home...
(Cut to hospital parking lot. J.D.'s bed is on fire as Janitor counts a wad of cash. Cut back to hospital)
J.D.'s Narration: ...Elliot and I decided to round up out interns to pick out our respective booty calls.
(J.D. and Elliot enter the doctor's lounge, where the interns are assembled.)
J.D.'s Narration: Welcome to Fugly-ville.
Elliot: J.D., I really don't want to do this. Can't we just go home and put on our PJ's and watch Grey's Anatomy?
J.D.: Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and then just put it on TV.
Elliot: Ha! Yeah.
(Elliot and J.D. exit. Cut to Dr. Kelso's office.)
J.D.'s Narration: Carla listened at the door while I was helping Turk ask Dr. Kelso for new gym equipment.
Dr. Kelso: What do you want?
J.D.'s Narration: And then, Turk lied.
Turk: Sir, we're here on behalf of Dr. Bianca. You know, the albino radiologist?
Dr. Kelso: Oh, Jim! Who did he get pregnant this time? I tell you, the ladies can not resist that ivory rascal.
Turk: Sir, Jim is demanding that he get new equipment in his lab.
Dr. Kelso: Demanding?
(Cut to outside the office. Carla scrambles out of the way as the door opens and Dr. Kelso shoves J.D. and Turk out.
Dr. Kelso: There is no way in hell that Jim (gym) is getting new equipment!
Turk: Sorry, baby. I tried.
(Cut to Mrs. Wilk's room. A nurse is adjusting an IV drip.)
J.D.: Is there any change?
Nurse: She's still the same.
J.D.'s Narration: I guess in the back of my mind, I was hoping for a pleasant surprise. Because around here, most of them are unpleasant. Like when a guy you thought you connected with, suddenly turns on you...
(Cut to hallway. Janitor is hanging out with a group of custodial workers. Dr. Cox enters.)
Dr. Cox: Hey, how's the day treating you big, guy?
Janitor: You're not talking to me, are you, Doogie?
Dr. Cox: Doogie?
Janitor: This is a doctor no-fly zone, bubs. Speaking of flies, yours is down.
(Dr. Cox checks his fly.)
Janitor: Oh no! He fell for the grade school zinger! You gotta go. Back to the game, boys.
(Dr. Cox exits, confused. Cut to Nurses' Station.)
Carla: And you guys would not believe how hard my man fought for us.
Turk: Well, you know, ladies, I do what I do, when I do what I do.
J.D.'s Narration: ...Or your boss blows your cover.
(Dr. Kelso enters.)
Dr. Kelso: Turkleton, I have reconsidered your request, and I decided to give old Jim that new MRI machine.
Turk: Woo. [offscreen] See, no, baby, wait. Aaah!
(Cut to Elliot's apartment.)
J.D.'s Narration: Of course, my surprise came the next morning when I found out that Elliot had broken our no booty call agreement with my nemesis
(J.D. enters the kitchen. Elliot is wrapped in a sheet, and Keith is wearing a pink robe.)
J.D.: Why is he wearing my robe?
Keith: It fits me.
Open: Elliot's apartment. Elliot is still wearing only a sheet and Keith is in J.D.'s robe.
Elliot: J.D., I can explain.
(J.D. finds some empty condom wrappers.)
J.D.: Oh, you did it twice! Somebody's a stud. We got a stud alert in here. Woop! Woop! Woop!
(J.D. finds a huge pile of condom wrappers. He picks them up and lets them fall.)
J.D.: OK. This is just mathematically impossible.
Elliot: Keith, Dr. Dorian and I have to go to work now, OK? So why don't you just clean all this up and drop off my laundry and then bring me a cup of coffee to the hospital? Run along, quick like a bunny.
Keith: Sure thing, Elliot.
Elliot: Keith! It's after nine. It's Dr. Reid now.
Keith: Dr. Reid. Dr. Reid.
Elliot: I love booty calls. Ha!
J.D.: [looking at a large condom wrapper] "El Toro Grande?" I'm not familiar with this brand.
(Cut to Mrs. Wilk's room.)
J.D.: No change. Her FiO2 is still 50%.
(Keith enters with a cup of coffee.)
Elliot: I said no cream.
Elliot: I didn't say no cream. It's like having a sex puppy. What's your problem?
J.D.: I gotta tell you, I can't stand that guy.
Elliot: J.D., he's just a booty call. Say the word and I'll end it.
J.D.: I'd appreciate it if you did.
Elliot: Oh, my God, you've turned Keith into forbidden fruit. I must have him now!
(Elliot exits the room.)
Elliot: [to Keith] Heel! Kk-kk-kk.
(Elliot and Keith exit.)
Janitor: Oh, hey, bud. Check out my new mop bling. Bling!
(Janitor shows Dr. Cox an emerald stud on the end of his mop.)
Janitor: It's cool. Cleaned it.
Dr. Cox: Oh, so now we're pals again? I gotta be honest with you, I'm a little confused there, Sasquatch.
Janitor: I got a rep to protect, OK? I'm sort of seen as the king of the working folk. If they catch me hob-nobbing with a doctor-type, well, suffice it to say I won't get my cut of all the prosthetics we looted from the storage room.
Dr. Cox: How's that?
Janitor: We sell the feet to college kids for $500 a pop. Apparently, they smoke something out of them.
Dr. Cox: Let me get this straight. You are embarrassed to be seen with me?
Janitor: At the hospital. At the bar, we can hang out all we want.
(A group of hospital workers walks by with a box of prosthetic limbs.)
Janitor: You rich, yacht-owning punk! You think -- they're gone. It's cool. See you at the bar.
(Janitor exits. Jordan enters.)
Jordan: Aww, sweetie. Do you want me to call his mommy and tell her he's being mean to you? My fwiend is mean to me, wah!
(Jordan exits. Cut to Admissions Area.)
Turk: Listen. Honey, I know you're angry. But look what I found in my locker: a wad of cash. Now you can buy those shoes you always wanted.
Carla: I'm not mad about that gym thing. Sign this, please?
(She hands Turk a chart.)
Turk: Any of you ladies have a pen?
(Carla dives on the floor as a half dozen nurses throw pens at Turk.)
Turk: Whoa! Yow! YOW!
(Carla stands up.)
Turk: You set me up! Baby, you are mad. Look, it's not a crime for me to want to have one place that I can hang out by myself.
Carla: Turk, I am not mad, OK? Now staple these please.
Turk: Anybody got a stapl--
(All the nurses raise staplers in the air, ready to throw.)
Turk: Hey! Hey.
(Cut to ICU.)
J.D.'s Narration: I promised myself I would pick on Keith, but this one he had coming.
J.D: OK, guys, gather round, gather round. Your hero, Keith, here forgot to check the blood levels on Mr. Joy this morning. And guess what? He's dead. Way to go, there, Keith.
Keith: I've never even seen this guy before.
J.D.: Oh, way to get to know your patients, there, murderer.
Doug: There's Mr. Joy. J.D., did you steal him from the morgue?
J.D.: [whispering] Doug, I left a note on the decapitated guy's stump that I would have him back by two. It is 1:45.
Doug: Now I have to take him back down to the basement and I don't even have my gurney. I hate dead people.
(Doug attempts to pick Mr. joy up in a fireman's carry.)
J.D.: All right, the real reason I brought Mr. Joy up here was for a teaching exercise. Can anyone figure out what the cause of death may have been?
Keith: Maybe when you leaned over to check his IV, you smothered him with one of your love handles.
J.D.: What did you say Keith?
Keith: Dr. Reid told me that if you picked on me, I should stand up for myself. And that you're very sensitive about your doughy physique.
J.D.: Well, I'm not.
Doug: [straining] Please, no one help. He's not heavy at all.
J.D.: You know, Keith, I think out of professional decorum, we should refrain from talking about Dr. Reid. He's boinking her, everyone. That's why he gets special treatment. What did she say to do if I said that?
Keith: Page her.
(Elliot picks up J.D. by the throat with one arm.)
J.D.: [choking] Ack. I forgot how strong you are when you're mad.
(Cut to hallway. Janitor is with a group of workers.)
Dr. Cox: Hey, uh, can I talk to you for a second?
Janitor: What's the matter, Sally? The vending machine is out of bras again?
Worker: Nice, you tell him.
Janitor: [whispering] What's up, buddy?
Dr. Cox: Well, nothing really, I just thought your friends over there might be interested in seeing this photo of us I took with my cell phone the other night.
(Dr. Cox unrolls a large poster showing Dr. Cox and Janitor posing over J.D.'s bed in the parking lot.)
Dr. Cox: I'm going to airbrush "friends forever" on it and then I'm going to hang these bad boys all over the hospital.
(Janitor pushes Dr. Cox into an elevator and follows. Dr. Kelso is there.)
Dr. Cox: Oh, evocative.
Janitor: Give it to me.
(Dr. Cox holds it out of reach.)
Dr. Cox: You want it? Come and get it. Come on, get it!
Dr. Kelso: Gentlemen, let's try to be professional.
(Dr. Kelso notices Doug in the corner, holding a body bag.)
Doug: I left my gurney downstairs in the morgue.
Dr. Kelso: You're a superstar.
(Cut to hallway. Turk and Carla are waiting for the elevator.)
Turk: Ain't nobody in this state gonna kill me, woman.
Carla: Well, you know what bothers me? You whining about me being in your space when you're the one who never wants to be alone. I mean for God's sake...
(The elevator arrives, with Dr. Cox, and Janitor arguing while Doug and Dr. Kelso watch. The arguments drown each other out. Cut to Elliot and J.D. waiting for the elevator.)
J.D.: Doughy physique, Elliot? Doughy physique?
Elliot: Well, if the pear-shaped shirt fits, wear it!
J.D.: I am ashamed of you, OK, do you know petty it is to get that personal?
(The elevator arrives. Everyone is arguing.)
J.D.: Once, when we were dating, Elliot asked me to urinate on her.
(Everyone stops and turns to look at J.D. J.D. gets on the elevator, followed by Elliot.)
Elliot: Dammit, I had been stung by a jellyfish!
(They all resume arguing loudly in the elevator, until everyone's pager beeps. Cut to Mrs. Wilk's room. Dr. Cox and J.D are in the room, while Carla, Elliot, Turk and Dr. Kelso watch from the window. )
J.D.'s Narration: Around here it can feel like good things never happen.
(Mrs. Wilk wakes up.)
Dr. Cox: Good to see you, you old bird.
Mrs. Wilk: did I miss anything?
J.D.: I'll catch you up later.
J.D.'s Narration: Of course, when they do, all the petty little arguments fade away.
(Cut to the gym, with equipment for the women. Carla is on treadmill and Jordan is on an elliptical.
J.D.'s Narration: And you don't mind waiting a little longer for your workout...
(Cut to hallway. Dr. Cox passes by the Janitor amidst a group of workers.)
J.D.'s Narration: ...Or your bar friend not being your work friend.
(Cut to Elliot's apartment.)
J.D.'s Narration: Because the truth is, when you put stuff into perspective, the little things will never bother you again.
(Keith enters, wearing a towel.)
Keith: Good morning, Dr. D. Dr. Reid told me to get my sweet ass out of the shower and make her an omelet. You want one?
J.D.'s Thoughts: Did I say never?