Turk and J.D.'s Apartment
J.D.'s Narration: It's not every day your best bud asks his girlfriend to marry him.
JD opens the door to Turk's room.
Turk is sitting on his bed, staring at the silent phone next to him.
J.D.: Hey, Chocolate Bear! Did you ask her?
Turk: She said she needed to think about it, then she hopped on a plane to Chicago for five days.
J.D.'s Thoughts: He needs you. Stay positive.
J.D.: Woo-hooooo! [does a little song and dance] She's thinkin', she's thinkin', and we should go out drinkin'! chicka--uh-huh--chicka-chicka.... Wanna get a beer?
Turk: I'm not leaving this spot until she calls.
J.D.: All right, man. I understand.
He goes and closes the door.
After a second the door opens again -- different clothes denoting a different day, but Turk's position is the same.
J.D.: Still nothing?!
Turk: We just keep missing each other. I'm not sweating it.
The phone rings.
Turk lunges at it.
Turk and J.D. are stopped at the Nurses' Station
Turk: She asked me to pick her up from the airport! That's a good sign, right!
J.D.: Good sign? Dude, I am so sure Carla's gonna say yes, if she doesn't I'll power-walk naked through these halls singing "Me and Bobby McGee"!
Turk moves on down the hall smiling.
Dr. Kelso stops at the Nurses' Station.
Dr. Kelso: Ahhh, Janis Joplin! My God, she was an uggo! No offense, sport -- uh, don't think I have anything against ugly people.
J.D.: Why would I take offense to that?
Dr. Kelso: No reason. Anyway, I see you're on the nephrology service for Dr. Townshend this month!
***Introduction of Dr. Townshend
The silver-haired doc, all smiles and a cute bow-tie, enters the hall, upbeat music setting the mood.
He greets different staffers on his way through.
J.D.'s Narration: Dr. Townshend is like the Anti-Kelso.
Staffer: Hey, Doc!
J.D.'s Narration: The nurses love him...
Dr. Townshend: Betty! That color is great on you!
J.D.'s Narration: The attendings love him....
Dr. Townshend: Hey! How's the best doctor in this hospital?
Dr. Cox: You tell me, hot-shot!
J.D.'s Narration: Everyone loves him.
Ted and his Band circle Dr. Townshend.
Ted's Band: "...Hello, my honey / Hello, my rag-time, summer-time gal!"
Dr. Townshend: "Send me a kiss by wire!"
Ted's Band: "Ooooooh / By wire!"
Dr. Townshend: Yes, sir!
Ted's Band: "Baby, my heart's on fire...on fire...."
The Janitor stops the doc.
J.D.'s Narration: Everyone.
Janitor: Thank you. For being you.
Dr. Townshend wraps the Janitor is a big, heartfelt hug.
J.D.'s Narration: And the weirdest thing of all is that he and Dr. Kelso are best friends.
Dr. Kelso: There he is!
Dr. Townshend: Missed you on our morning jog, Bobby. What is that now, about two hundred days in a row?
He gives Kelso's belly a playful pat.
Dr. Kelso: [chuckles] You're a pistol!
They laugh together.
J.D. tries to get in on the fun.
J.D.: The only place this guy's running to is to a bakery! Who's got me up high?
He holds up his palm. Kelso gives him a sour look and walks away.
Dr. Kelso: Ehhh.
Dr. Townshend: Uh, mistake you made there, J.D.: You didn't pat his belly -- it soothes him.
J.D.: Ahhh. Dammit.
Turk and J.D.'s Car
Turk is driving Carla home from the airport.
She holds the engagement ring, admiring it.
Carla: It's so beautiful.
Turk: Yeah, well, you know, I woulda showed it to you before you left, but, uh...I couldn't get to it. And that is a long story.
Carla: I want to thank you for not pressuring me. I mean, don't get me wrong, you left me like forty messages in five days; but...I know you -- if you weren't holding back, it woulda been like a hundred and forty.
Turk: I do love the speed dial!
Turk: So, you got an answer yet?
He stares at her as she struggles to come up with something to say.
He glances at the road just in time to avoid an unseen collision, both shriek as he slams on the brakes.
Turk stands glumly at the Nurses' Station desk.
Dr. Cox comes up to him.
Dr. Cox: What's the deal, there, Gandhi? Are you gonna be a bride?
Turk gives him a "I don't feel like playing today" look.
Dr. Cox: Ohhhh, come on. This is one of those very small windows when I'm borderline interested in your life. So, what's the deal? Did she give you an answer?
Just then, a naked man in a surgical mask breezes past, singing:
"Ohhhhh! Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to do."
Turk: Not yet.
Male Locker Room
J.D. holds up a fan of bills to Todd, who's taking off his only clothing -- the surgical mask.
J.D.: Thanks, Todd. Here's that fifty bucks I promised you.
Todd: Keep it, man. That was for me!
He stands there, grinning.
J.D.: Todd, get dressed.
Todd: I'm going back out there!
Turk and J.D.'s Apartment
Turk is on the couch, J.D. comes in from the kitchen.
J.D.: I still can't believe I power-walked 'butt-naked' through the halls of the hospital last night.
Turk: My man, I know that wasn't you.
Turk: I'm not really proud of this, but I can pick your puff-'n'-stuff out of a line-up.
J.D.: Oh, it changed since you saw it -- it got a haircut.
There's a knock at the door. Turk gets up to answer it.
J.D.'s Narration: Turk's brother is staying with us for the weekend.
Turk and his brother Kevin greet each other enthusiastically at the door.
Together: Hey, hey, hey!
Kevin: Little brother!
J.D.'s Narration: It'll be fun.
J.D.: Hey, Kev'!
Kevin: Hey, Alfalfa! What's the happie-haps?
J.D.: Oh, that depends.... What's a "happie-hap"?
Kevin: So, this is the place, huh? This is nice! Hey, hey, so, uh, how is this baby? Is it all right?
He tests the couch cushions.
Turk: This, right here, is fit for a king.
Kevin: Well, that's good. That makes me feel better about sleeping in your room while you're comfy out here.
Turk: No, Kevin, that's not gonna work.
Kevin: Well, I'm a business man -- we can work something out. Let me see, I sent you to college, and med school, and you have done nothing for me; so, I tell you what: I'll sleep on the couch, and you cut me a check for eighty grand.
Turk: I'll go get my pillow.
He goes to his bedroom.
J.D.: [laughs] That was good, Kevin! We should--we should make him, like, make dinner for us tonight. He could be our own personal slave!
Kevin: Our own personal _what_, now?
J.D.: Oh, no, I don--I don't mean like _that_ kind of slave.
Kevin: Well, how 'bout this: How 'bout he be the house slave, and I be the field slave. That sound like fun to you?
J.D.: That--that wouldn't be fun....
Turk comes back in to this now tense environment.
Turk: What's going on?
Kevin: I forgot how much fun it was messing with Alfalfa!
They laugh at J.D.
Hospital -- Hall
Dr. Cox and Jordan step off the elevator.
Dr. Cox: No, honey, the reason we're late is that you took forever to get ready. That's what happens when you're vain!
Jordan: Whatever you say, Mr. Yesterday I Had Chest-hair, Today I Suddenly Don't.
He clears his throat, embarrassed.
They pass by Elliot at the Nurses' Station
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes Elliot just can't help herself.
Elliot: Dr. Cox! You're a waxer?
Dr. Cox: [imitating a wispy, upper-crust voice of a nature documentary narrator] Hark, it is the high-pitched warble of the nosy nelly! Don't see many of those flitting about these halls anymore because, well, quite frankly, when one does -- [cocks an imaginary shot gun] -- one shoots to kill.
Elliot's eyes widen.
Dr. Cox: Now, Bar-bie, Jordan is here for her ultrasound today, and I'm going to be holding her claw the entire time. So, what you've just done is essentially volunteered to do all of your work and all of mine. And if you'll step right this way, I'll be more than glad to tell you more about what you've won!
He ushers her down the hall, despite her protesting whines.
Dr. Kelso and Dr. Townshend enter the area, with J.D. tagging along.
Dr. Townshend: See you at lunch, Bobby?
Dr. Kelso: Split-pea soup today!
Dr. Townshend: Oh!
J.D.: You know, sir, Dr. Townshend, here, was telling me you have some great old stories about the hospital. I...I'd love to hear one sometime.
Dr. Kelso: Well, what the hell. Back in '68...I don't like you. The end.
Dr. Townshend: He tells that one a lot.
J.D.: I know.
J.D. sits opposite Carla at a table.
J.D.: Look, I know you're laboring over this whole proposal thing, so I thought I'd sweeten the pot by letting you know I have a killer best man's toast.
Carla: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna rush the biggest decision of my life so I can hear you say, "When I first met Chris Turk, I knew this was a guy I could party with forever! Yeah!"
J.D.'s Thoughts: She's psychic!
Carla: I just wanna have a nice lunch with my boyfriend and his brother, okay?
J.D.'s Narration: What Carla didn't know was that Turk was using his brother as a selling point. Because no one said "family" more than Kevin Turk.
The two brothers arrive with their trays and take the two other chairs at the table.
Turk: Check out my bother's kids.
He hands her some pictures.
Carla: Awwwwww.... They're adorable!
Turk: [to Kevin] How's that great marriage of yours, man?
J.D.'s Thoughts: Oh, no.
Turk: Say what?
Kevin: I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get the hell out of there!
Carla: Get the hell out of there?
J.D.'s Thoughts: Oh, my God! Do something to change the subject! Anything!
J.D.: Everybody! Soda chugging contest!
He hefts his can and guzzles the contents, ending with a long, loud belch. He punctuates this by blowing in Carla's direction.
She fans the air with her hand.
Carla: [disgusted] Mmph.
J.D.: 'Scuse me.
Kevin: When did you have the fajitas?
The OB-GYN, Dr. Gerson, spreads some jelly on Jordan's exposed tummy as Dr. Cox stands nearby.
Dr. Gerson: So...are we finding out the sex of the baby today?
Dr. Cox: Yes we are.
Jordan: No, we're not.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, be reasonable. If you're incubating some kind of man-bat in there, we should find out about it as soon as possible -- there are vaccinations to consider.
Jordan: Tell you what, we'll compromise. I'll decide this, and you get to decide...um.... Sorry, I got nothing.
Dr. Cox grumbles.
Dr. Gerson: Look, it's common for each parent to feel differently.
Dr. Cox: Actually, I am not the father; he's a bell-boy in Greece.
Jordan holds up good luck crossed fingers to the doctor.
Jordan: [whispering] We think.
Dr. Gerson: [disturbed] Neat.
Jordan rubs her belly.
Jordan: It's kicking me.
Dr. Cox: Who could blame the poor thing.
On J.D.'s way back in, he encounters a ladder blocking the door.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Huh. That's odd.
He moves it out of the way and heads inside.
Behind him, the Janitor is seen falling off the roof into a pained heap on the ground.
He picks himself up, and approaches J.D.
Janitor: What the hell just happened?
J.D.: [stunned] I moved your ladder.
Janitor: [stressed] I don't know...why you keep doing these things to me!
J.D.: [equally stressed] I don't know, either!
Dr. Townshend comes up to the two of them.
Dr. Townshend: Well, if it isn't my favorite custodial engineer! Listen, do me a favor, will you?
Dr. Townshend puts his arm around J.D.
Dr. Townshend: Help me look after this kid -- one of the good guys.
Dr. Townshend walks away.
J.D. looks at the Janitor and gives a cute smile.
The Parking Lot
Turk and Kevin stand at Kevin's car.
Kevin: So, look, Chris, I got a meeting this afternoon...but what do you say tonight, me and you tear it up like we used to!
Turk: I gotta work.
Kevin: Well, get somebody to cover for your ass, man! I'm only here for the weekend!
Turk: Look, I _just_ asked Carla to marry me, and you were in there acting like a jerk.
Kevin: Oh, man! You--you--you're engaged!? Congratulations!
Turk remains emotionless as his brother gives him a congratulatory hug.
Turk: She hasn't exactly said yes yet.
Kevin: Well, that--that--that--that's all right. Sometimes a lady just needs to sleep on it.
Turk: [sighs] I asked her a week ago.
Kevin: Well, on the bright side, you are definitely flying solo tonight, huh!
Turk: I'm out.
He walks back toward the hospital. Kevin calls after him.
Kevin: Hey, Chris, come on now -- I was just playing.
Turk keeps walking.
Kevin: [melodramatic] CHRIS!
Dr. Gerson is looking at the ultrasound of the baby.
Dr. Gerson: If you really don't want to know the sex, it's time to look away.
Jordan turns her head.
Then she prods Dr. Cox to do likewise.
The door opens and Elliot pokes her head in.
Elliot: Dr. Cox, I -- excuse me -- um, I just need you---
Dr. Cox: [waving her over] Ah-ba-ba-ba.
He takes the chart and signs where necessary as Elliot stands by.
Dr. Cox: You know, Jordan, this is ridiculous; I'm gonna find out the sex of the baby---
Jordan: Yeah, Dr. Gerson's not gonna tell you.
Elliot: [spying the sonogram] Oh, look!
Dr. Cox: Oh, gosh...I guess I'm stuck, then. All righty.
He whistles at Elliot to get her attention.
She remains transfixed on the baby's image.
He snaps his fingers and whistles again.
She looks at him.
He mouths: "We'll talk later."
Dr. Cox: Go!
She rushes to the door and slams into it, unable to get the knob with the chart in her hand.
Dr. Cox: Out! Chop-chop! Whoa!
J.D. follows Dr. Townshend into a patient's cubicle.
J.D.: Sir, can I call you "Townsie"?
Dr. Townshend: No.
J.D.'s Narration: I was having a great time working with Townsie.
Dr. Townshend: Now, Mr. Singer, here, needs a swan. So, why don't you go ahead and do an IJ cut down?
J.D.'s Thoughts: A _cut down_? No one does those anymore.
J.D.: Uh, sir, shouldn't I just do a modified Seldinger? I mean, it's so much safer.
Dr. Townshend: Nah, come on, let's do "old school."
J.D.: But, sir, I don't---
Dr. Townshend: Grab a scalpel; I'll get the kit.
He goes to the door, rolling up his sleeves.
Dr. Townshend: Somebody?
J.D.'s Narration: So often in a hospital, you feel like you're alone on an island. Whether it's because you just can't bring yourself to make a really important decision...
Shot of: Carla looking at her ring.
J.D.'s Narration: Or because you're waiting for an answer...
Shot of: Turk lost in thought.
J.D.'s Narration: Or simply because you know a secret you wish you didn't.
Shot of: Elliot nervously passing a hopeful Cox.
J.D.'s Narration: For me, I was stuck on that island because somebody else put me there.
J.D. hovers over the patient, a scalpel in hand.
Dr. Townshend: Okay, come on now, just cut through.... Good. Now, open up the vein.... But be careful not to nick the carotid artery.
A stream of blood gushes over J.D.'s goggled face.
Dr. Townshend: Oh, boy.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Oh, no.
Todd approaches Dr. Townshend and J.D.
Todd: The vascular surgeon on call said to say you could pick up your patient this evening. He also said to say he could give you a loaner patient if you needed someone to butcher until then.... But I didn't really get it.
Dr. Townshend: No one expects you to, son.
Todd: Okay, thanks.
J.D.'s Thoughts: All right, this sucks. But, as bad as I feel, I'm sure Dr. Townshend feels even worse for making me do the procedure.
Dr. Townshend: Don't worry about it -- I'll take the blame, okay?
He goes off with a smile.
J.D.'s Thoughts: He hides it well.
Carla and Dr. Cox share a moment.
Carla: Do you really think he wants to get married?
Dr. Cox: Listen, any guy who'd be willing to scour the face of the earth to find the world's smallest diamond ring clearly knows just exactly what he wants.
Carla: I just don't know if he's mature enough. I mean, he couldn't stop giggling when he found out he had to operate on Mr. Wiener.
Dr. Cox: [cracks up] It's a funny name!
Carla: Stop it.
Dr. Cox: Look: The guy's twenty-seven years old, he's a surgeon currently involved in a long-term monogamous relationship; and as much as I'd love to trash him, I'm afraid I'm not down with the whole maturity thing.
Elliot comes through, sees Cox, whimpers, and tries to escape.
Dr. Cox: Barbie!
He chases after her and stops her in the hall.
Dr. Cox: Barbie, lookit, I need you to go down to the lab and get Mrs. Miller's blood-work; I also need you to disimpact Mr. Burnett in 317; and what did you say the sex of the child was?
Elliot: I've got a better idea: You do those things, and when you're done, I'll think about telling you the sex.
Dr. Cox: Huh, that's weird. It seems like you just went to a swap meet and got yourself a big-boy spine. Now, listen, you tell or else!
Elliot: Or else what? You'll treat me worse than you usually do? Here's the inside scoop, Perry: For the first time, I have leverage. You're familiar with leverage, right? It's what you're going to need when you disimpact Mr. Burnett -- who, by the way, is so locked up, I'm guessing he's been eating either gum, rubber cement, or cork.
Dr. Cox: Look. Barbie.
Elliot: Yeah...that's not my name.
Dr. Cox: Fine.... Dr...[looks at her badge]...Reid? Really?
Elliot: [challenging] What?
Dr. Cox: Nothing.
He turns and goes back down the hall.
Elliot: Elliot Reid in the house!
She celebrates only briefly before turning and tripping over some equipment standing behind her.
J.D. passes a table with the Janitor and a few other people.
The Janitor pushes an empty chair out.
J.D.: Oh, no thanks... I'll just go---
Janitor: I'm not asking.
J.D. nervously sits.
Janitor: All right, guys, this is the kid I was telling you about we're gonna look out for.
The Janitor introduces J.D. to the various people at the table:
Janitor: This is Brent from Parking. He's gonna set you up with a sweet spot right at the main entrance so you'll never be late again. This is Crazy-Eyes Margot, from Housekeeping. She's gonna make sure that you got freshly-pressed scrubs in your locker every morning. 'Course, this is Troy, you know him from the cafeteria line. He's gonna stop spitting in your food.
J.D.: Thank you...for that.
Troy: I still don't understand...why we got to be nice to this pal.
Janitor: 'Cause I said so.
Troy: Yeah, but!---
Janitor: Troy! No more warnings.
Someone starts to take a bite of their lunch.
Janitor: Whoa! Bring the hands in.
They all hold hands.
Janitor: Bless us, O Lord, in these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty. Through Christ our Lord, Amen. Look out for each and every one of us, including our new member. Also...help Margot to find her way home tonight.
He chokes up.
J.D.'s Narration: Still...something was bothering me.
Dr. Kelso's Office
Dr. Townshend and Dr. Kelso lounging after their lunch.
Dr. Townshend: [laughing] Bob, come on, how many more times are you gonna make me apologize for introducing you to your wife?
Dr. Kelso: Once a month, until she's dead!
J.D.: Excuse me, sir, do you have a second?
Dr. Kelso: Sport, what did I tell you about my open-door policy? I don't have one.
J.D.: Dr. Kelso, I was the one who nicked the artery on Mr. Singer.
Dr. Townshend: Oh, cheese on rice, son! I just said it was me!
Dr. Kelso: You need to shape up, son. Lord knows you're never gonna get by on your looks.
J.D.: All right, first of all, at the very least I'm interesting looking; all right? And secondly, I...feel I made that mistake because Dr. Townshend forced me to perform a procedure that is unsafe and...outdated.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Sorry, Townsie.
Dr. Kelso: Now, let me get this straight: You screwed up doing something you should've been able to handle, and now you're in here to tattle on the very guy who's taken the bullet for you. Is that right?
Dr. Townshend stands from his seat and turns his back to J.D., where a large knife is sticking out of it.
Dr. Townshend: Do me a favor, will ya, son? Grab that for me?
Dr. Townshend grunts as J.D. jerks the blade out.
Dr. Townshend: Thanks!
He groans and collapses across Dr. Kelso's desk.
J.D.: I'm sorry, sir.
Turk is assisting Dr. Wen.
Dr. Wen: Kelly clamp.
Turk: One Kelly clamp coming right up.
He hands the instrument to Dr. Wen and notices Rowdy through the observation window.
Turk: Hey, Rowdy!
Dr. Wen looks at him with puzzlement.
Dr. Wen: You seem distracted. Is something wrong?
Turk: No, sir. I call everyone..."Rowdy."
Turk and Kevin are having a heated discussion about Rowdy.
Kevin: What did you want me to do? Leave him in the car?
Turk: It's bad enough you freaked out my girlfriend, but now you wanna get me fired! Why don't you just smack me in my face?
Kevin: Fine. Hey, check this out!
He slaps Turk.
Kevin: I can't believe that you're giving me attitude. I've taken care of you your entire life, and I come here and I tell you that I'm getting divorced, and you make it all about you!
Turk: Well, you didn't seem too broken up about it, Kevin! Why should I care?
Kevin: She left me, okay?
Dr. Cox comes up to Elliot.
Dr. Cox: All righty, there, Dr. Leverage. Listen up, because here's the real 'inside scoop': I could literally sculpt a gigantic Mr. Burnett out of what I just removed _from_ Mr. Burnett. So, I really think it's in your best interest for you to start talking. Should I get the child a baseball glove or a tutu?
Elliot: Well, girls can play baseball, too!
Dr. Cox: Oh, yak-yak-yak-yak--I know what girls can do! You've come a long way, baby. Spill, doll.
Elliot: Look, I really think that you should think about this. So, I wrote it down, and I put it in an envelope, and then I gave it to...her.
Jordan: Hi, Honey.
Dr. Cox: [to Elliot] Oh, you are just so gonna pay for this.
Elliot: Yeah...well, uh, so are you.
Jordan: [laughing sadistically] Bend over, baby.
Dr. Cox: Oh!
Dr. Kelso comes up to Dr. Townshend.
Dr. Kelso: I think Mr. Singer's going to be just fine.
Dr. Townshend: Oh, geez, Bob! Don't creep up on me like that! I almost dropped some fruit in my loops!
Dr. Kelso: I'm sorry, buddy. Say, listen, uh...nowadays it has become kind of hospital protocol to do modified Seldinger in a case like this. You _do_ know how to do one of those, don't you?
Dr. Townshend: 'Course!
Dr. Kelso: Good. Because the patient in bed number 2 needs one. You mind doing it for me?
Dr. Townshend: What the hell's this all about?
Dr. Kelso: Nothing! I was, uh, just looking over your files and, um...well...your osteoporotic patients aren't on Bisphosphonate; your diabetics aren't on ACE inhibitors. Doug, a lot of your treatments are pretty out of date.
Dr. Townshend: Come on, Bob, I'm--guys like us, we're set in our ways.
Dr. Kelso: Well, this is not an age thing, Doug. Hell, these days if you've been out of med school five years, half of what you learned is obsolete. Why do you think I spend every other weekend at a seminar in some two-star hotel ballroom that still stinks of last night's prom vomit? I do it because I have to keep up.
Dr. Townshend: Also, it gives you two days away from the missus, right? [laughs] Once again, I am sorry I was the one who introduced you in the first place!
Dr. Kelso's expressions remains serious.
Dr. Townshend: Look, Bob, I just...I don't have the energy for all that stuff.
Dr. Kelso: Well...then we got a problem.
Turk and Kevin are at the bar.
Turk: So, you wanna talk about what happened?
Kevin: Nah, man, look, it's--it's just too depressing.
Turk: Kevin, you're in a bad place right now, but you're gonna get through it. You just gotta give it time.
Kevin: Yeah, well what am I supposed to do until then?
Turk: Barkeep, I'm gonna need these two glasses, and that bottle of whisky.
He stops a woman passing by and takes off her hat.
Turk: 'Scuse me, yes, my brother definitely needs to borrow your hat. And for the love of all that is holy! Will somebody please put on some country!
Dr. Cox and Jordan sit at one of the tables near a window.
She has the envelope with Elliot's secret on the table between them.
Jordan: We are a horrible couple.
Dr. Cox: You couldn't be more wrong. Because, even though that isn't my kid in there, I still want to feel connected. And I just thought I'd be more hooked in if I knew.
Jordan: It's funny. Every time I think you're the same old sharp-edged jack-ass, you turn around and do something to remind me that you're such a pansy.
Dr. Cox: Ahh.
Jordan: Listen, I was really hoping that the two of us could find out when the baby comes. But, if you really need to know now, just keep it to yourself.
She gets up and leaves, abandoning the envelope on the table.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, run away, there, missy. 'Cause guilt trips don't work on ol' Perr-a-reeno. Ah?
He picks up the envelope and starts to tear into it. He stops.
J.D. sneaks behind Dr. Kelso, who sadly watches as Dr. Townshend's name is removed from the assignment board.
Dr. Kelso: Sport, if you're still standing there when I turn around, I'm gonna have them erase your name, too.
J.D.: Goodnight, sir.
J.D.'s Narration: It's not always easy to do the right thing.
In the Bar, Turk and his brother are drowning their troubles.
Turk: This is to my brother, y'all! My brother!
J.D.'s Narration: Like putting someone else's feelings first for a change.
They whoop and holler...and cough from their alcohol burned throats.
J.D.'s Narration: Even if it goes against what you really want.
In the Cafeteria, Dr. Cox crumples up the unopened envelope.
Dr. Cox: I'm out.
He stands and leaves the table.
J.D.'s Narration: Of course, there's always ramifications....
At the Front Entrance, J.D. walks out to see his car turned over on its roof.
J.D.: My car....
Troy dances on top.
The Janitor meets J.D. with a smirk.
J.D.: You think it's my fault he got fired, don't you.
Janitor: Why would you say that?
J.D.: No reason.
Troy: Let's see ya drive home now, Mr. Doctor-Man!
He giggles maniacally.
Janitor: Troy. I said just stand there, didn't I.
Troy: [hanging head] Yeah....
Janitor: [to J.D.] I may have to get rid of the guy.
J.D.'s Narration: Even if you do the right thing, there's no guarantee it'll turn out the right way.
In Turk and J.D.'s Apartment, Carla is waiting on the couch.
The door flies open. Kevin comes in carrying Turk over his shoulder. Hat Girl follows behind, carrying Rowdy.
Kevin: He ain't heavy...he's my brother....
Turk: (mumble mumble) the brother!
Carla looks horrified.
Kevin explains Hat Girl.
Kevin: Oh, oh. She, uh, she's not with him. And she ain't with me. She's, uh, she’s with Rowdy -- not like--not like that.
J.D.'s Narration: Because, even something as harmless as twenty or thirty drinks with your brother can end up biting you on the ass.
Carla angrily grabs her coat and purse and rushes out.