My Boss's Free Haircut
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My Boss's Free Haircut | |
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Written by Mark Stegemann Air Date - March 29, 2005 on  DVD • iTunes • Syndication | |
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- “Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.”— Dr. Kelso
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[edit] Synopsis
Dr. Kelso is angry at Dr. Cox after he continues to treat patients with little respect. Trying to set an example, Dr. Kelso decides to treat a patient himself. Kelso attempts to be polite to this very difficult patient, Miss. Goldman, who reacts by locking him out of her hospital room. Dr. Kelso recommends that she create a diet and workout plan to help her lose weight and combat her illness, but she again defies him and schedules a Gastric Bypass.
J.D. tries to solve Turk's marriage problems by taking him to a bar to loosen him up. The next day, Turk oversleeps when Carla and he are supposed to meet for brunch. J.D. covers for him by apologizing over the phone to Carla through Elliot. However, after the phone call Turk confesses that he just didn't feel like going to the brunch so he missed it on purpose.
Carla crashes at Elliot's place while having marriage difficulties and realizes that soon it will be the two year anniversary of her mother's death. Elliot tries to cheer her up with a little party, leading to Carla hearing her mother's voice on an answering machine. Unfortunately the message complains that Carla doesn't call her enough, which leaves Carla in tears. Elliot tries to rescue the situation by taking Carla to the graveyard to talk to her mother.
Eventually, Dr. Kelso confronts Miss. Goldman by telling her "Nothing in this world that is worth having comes easy." and the patient starts to realize what she needs to do, Kelso's speech also makes Turk realize what to do about Carla. He meets her at the graveyard and comforts her as she speaks to her mother. Carla isn't ready to move back in yet, but they are now making progress with their relationship.
Elliot falls into an empty grave, and the episode ends with her trapped there.
[edit] Plot Points
- Turk and Carla suffer marital problems.
- J.D. and Elliot try to help their troubled friends.
- Dr. Kelso has an extremely difficult patient.
[edit] Recurring Themes
[edit] Fantasies
- J.D. imagines the word "carnival" above his head and turns it into "Carla"
[edit] Flashbacks
- J.D.'s 6th grade girlfriend teaches him that when a woman needs space you give her that space, ramming the message home with a kick in the crotch.
- Dr. Kelso as kind and supportive doctor, unceremoniously ditching his patient when he is appointed Chief of Medicine.
- “Now you listen to me, Betty. Now matter how long it takes, we are gonna get through this.”— Dr. Kelso
- “Congratulations Bob, they just named you Chief of Medicine.”— A Doctor
- “Congratulations Bob, they just named you Chief of Medicine.”— A Doctor
- “Bingo! Smell you later, Betty.”
[edit] Janitor story
He's drunk and can't do a thing, afraid that he will pass out or puke if he does anything.
- “Can you open that door?”— Dr. Kelso
- “[OK, you made it up here without passing out or vomiting, now calmly and eloquently explain that you can't open the door right now, and he'll be on his way.] gilvenrto... [Well Done]”— Janitor's narration/Janitor
- “[OK, you made it up here without passing out or vomiting, now calmly and eloquently explain that you can't open the door right now, and he'll be on his way.] gilvenrto... [Well Done]”— Janitor's narration/Janitor
[edit] J.D.'s Girl Names
- Betty
- “Ask Betty why he's such a girly-girl.”— Dr. Cox
- “Not now.”— Elliot
- “Not now.”— Elliot
- “Do it now, do it now, call her Betty.”— Dr. Cox
- “You're insane.”— Elliot
- “You're insane.”— Elliot
- “Betty,Betty,Betty,Betty,Betty,Betty,Betty”— Dr. Cox
- “Betty?”— Elliot
- “Betty?”— Elliot
- “Yeah?”— J.D.
- “Oh my God, it worked!”— Elliot
- “Oh my God, it worked!”— Elliot
[edit] Guest Stars
- Lindsay Hollister as Nell Goldman
- Phill Lewis as Hooch
- Robert F. Beckwith as Dr. Johnson
- Ed Brigadier as Barber
- Trev Broudy as Doctor
- Tim Halderman as Mr. Warner
- Meredith Lieber as Kathy
[edit] Music
- "Collide" by Howie Day
- "Until You Are Here Lyrics" by Tyrone Wells, replacing "Collide" in the Itunes Version
[edit] Quotes
- “[On phone]What do you mean, "Say Hooch"?”— Elliot
- “Oh my god! What?! I'm a little busy!”— Hooch
- “Oh my god! What?! I'm a little busy!”— Hooch
- “Uh... I'm sorry, I'm not really sure what's happening right now.”
- “Well of course you're not! Because in your head it's all about you, isn't it? Well no more! Say "hooch" again, it will be the last thing you ever say!”
- “Well of course you're not! Because in your head it's all about you, isn't it? Well no more! Say "hooch" again, it will be the last thing you ever say!”
- “Why can't Carla just let this go?”— J.D.
- “Wouldn't you be mad if you caught your husband talking to his ex-girlfriend?”— Elliot
- “Wouldn't you be mad if you caught your husband talking to his ex-girlfriend?”— Elliot
- “Yeah, but... mostly because I had a husband.”
- “...But, since I'm here to heal not judge, I'm gonna go ahead and write you a couple of prescriptions. You'll find that this first one is for an extra large mallet to help you pound some sense into yourself. The second one is for a big, floppy hat, that you're now to wear every single time you leave the house. Have a great day, ya look like a purse.”— Dr. Cox to Mr. Warner
- “Guy, it's so on.”— Dr. Cox
- “Awesome!”— J.D.
- “Awesome!”— J.D.
- “What's on?”— Turk
- “Who cares, he referred to me as a guy.”
- “Who cares, he referred to me as a guy.”
- “You see a lot of sad things in a Hospital, but nothing's quite as sad as a Dermatologist that's just been paged, milking it for all its worth.”— J.D.'s narration
- “Alright everybody, watch your backs! Skin doctor coming through! I gotta get somewhere, STAT!”— Dr. Johnson
- “Alright everybody, watch your backs! Skin doctor coming through! I gotta get somewhere, STAT!”— Dr. Johnson
- “[Leaning against his mop in front of the main door and looking unwell] It's weird. I want to follow him down the hall and crack him over the head, but I'm so drunk right now I know I'll collapse if I even move an inch.”— Janitor
- “ Maybe because I graduated first in my class at Stanford in 1972?”— Dr. Kelso
- “[Reading off the phone] You graduated twelfth in your class in 1968.”— Miss Goldman, before showing him the phone
- “[Reading off the phone] You graduated twelfth in your class in 1968.”— Miss Goldman, before showing him the phone
- “She Googled yo' ass.”— Laverne
- “Laverne, I am not interested in your street lingo. What I am interested in is where she found that magic phone that keeps making me look like an idiot!”— Dr. Kelso
- “Laverne, I am not interested in your street lingo. What I am interested in is where she found that magic phone that keeps making me look like an idiot!”— Dr. Kelso
- “Carla, you can totally talk to people once they're gone. I used to talk to our maid, Consuela, all the time.”— Elliot
- “When did she die?”— Carla
- “When did she die?”— Carla
- “When I was 11. At least that's what my Dad told me. I mean, I found out after College that he had her deported for putting knives in the fork drawer.”
- “ Y'know Elliot, you're a lot more normal than you should be.”
- “ Y'know Elliot, you're a lot more normal than you should be.”
- “Okay... You know I was skeptical but it's been kinda nice reminiscing about my Mom.”— Carla
- “It's about to get a whole lot nicer.”— Elliot
- “It's about to get a whole lot nicer.”— Elliot
- “Hi sweetie, it's Mom! I just called to tell you how much I love you!”— Carla's Mom on answer-phone
- “It's J.D.'s old answering machine.”
- “It's J.D.'s old answering machine.”
- “Hi Carla! I sure wish you would call me once in awhile!”
- “Hadn't heard that one. [unplugs the answering machine] So, uh, what other stories do you have about your Mom?”
- “Hadn't heard that one. [unplugs the answering machine] So, uh, what other stories do you have about your Mom?”
- “Carla! It seems like you never have time for me anymore!”
- “God there's batteries!”
- “God there's batteries!”
- “MY first patient today was a snot nosed little punk, who wouldn't let me give him a rectal exam unless I said pretty please first, and I'm just not big on asking strangers if I can put my hand up their butt. Not even in my private time.”— Dr. Cox
- “Every mother wanted me to marry their daughter because I was a Doctor, and I used that to sleep with all those mothers, because that's what House Call used to mean.”— Dr. Kelso
- “Those were the good old incredibly disturbing days, Bob.”— Dr. Cox
- “Those were the good old incredibly disturbing days, Bob.”— Dr. Cox
[edit] Trivia
- Carla says to Elliot "They're burying Paul Newman" and now in reality Paul Newman has died.
- Dr. Kelso reveals to Dr. Cox that Enid was recently paralyzed and is now in a wheelchair.
- In J.D.'s voiceover, he alludes to the fact that Dr. Kelso was incarcerated for his attempt to run from the barber in order to keep from paying for his haircut.
- Dr. Kelso's listing off of names that Dr. Cox has called patients includes tokers, smokers, and jokers, which is the lyrics of the song The Joker by the Steve Miller Band. He also listed jamokers, but that is not part of the song.
- First appearance of Hooch.
- J.D.'s girl name is the same name as Dr. Kelso's patient in the flashback where he was named Cheif of Medicine.
[edit] Images
 Turk and Carla spend time at Carla's Mom's grave |
Dr. Kelso knocks a patient's locked door to get it |
A drunken Janitor tries not to do anything |
Dr. Cox insists Elliot calls J.D. Betty |
J.D. convinces Elliot to say the word "Hooch" |
Dr. Johnson's time to shine |
Carla is upset after hearing the answer-phone messages |
