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My Best Laid Plans

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My Best Laid Plans

Directed by Zach Braff
Written by Bill Callahan
Air Date - March 1, 2005 on NBC
Transcript - Images
Watch this episode!
DVD • iTunes • Syndication
Season Four Episodes :
  1. My Old Friend's New Friend
  2. My Office
  3. My New Game
  4. My First Kill
  5. Her Story
  6. My Cake
  7. My Common Enemy
  8. My Last Chance
  9. My Malpractical Decision
  10. My Female Trouble
  11. My Unicorn
  12. My Best Moment
  13. My Ocardial Infarction
  14. My Lucky Charm
  15. My Hypocritical Oath
  16. My Quarantine
  17. My Life in Four Cameras
  18. My Roommates
  19. My Best Laid Plans
  20. My Boss's Free Haircut
  21. My Lips Are Sealed
  22. My Big Move
  23. My Faith in Humanity
  24. My Drive-By
  25. My Changing Ways
   Episodes: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 w • 9


“Oh no, she's got a pinky hold. Elliot's got the finger strength of a rock-climbing jazz-pianist.”— J.D.'s narration

Contents

[edit] Synopsis

J.D. and Kylie argue in her apartment

Kylie and J.D. have still not had sex yet, and when Kylie announces she has a surprise for him he takes off all his clothes in excitement, but it turns out Kylie had just got him a new numberplate for his scooter. Kylie is disappointed that all he cares about is sex. Molly Clock arrives at the hospital after being away for a few months, and everyone is shocked but happy about it and J.D. admits to Turk that he still finds Molly attractive. After being asked to go for a beer with her, J.D. is alone with Molly at the bar, and after a few drinks J.D. is in a situation where he can move in for a kiss, which would probably end in sex but J.D. does not do this. J.D. excuses himself and goes to Kylie's house. As he walks through the door Kylie tells him that she was just thinking about how patiently J.D. has been waiting for sex and that she feels now is the right time. J.D. instantly takes off his clothes, but while she is lighting incense he tells her how he left Molly to be with her which causes Kylie to get angry at him for even getting himself into the situation where he is out with Molly rather than her. This ends in an argument and J.D. collects his clothes and leaves the apartment.

Dr. Cox and Dr. Kelso realize Turk isn't on the phone to Carla

Carla and Turk are starting to sort out their own relationship problems, and Turk says that he doesn't like how she makes mountains out of molehills, and she agrees to work on that. The next day at work, Turk is talking loudly on the phone which annoys Dr. Kelso and Dr. Cox but J.D. tells them to give him a break because he's talking to his wife, but it turns out it is his ex-girlrfriend, Rosanna. J.D. chucks the phone out the window, but Turk argues they are just friends. Carla later finds Turk's undamaged phone in the parking lot but also sees that he has three missed calls from Rosanna. Carla starts to argue but Turk reminds her about making mountains out of molehills. She quiets down but is still upset about it, despite being married to him. Eventually, Carla decides to confront Turk about it and asks him to stop talking to Rosanna, and he says he'll stop.

Janitor and Elliot pretend to be a couple

Janitor tells Dr. Cox that he and Elliot will end up together. Dr. Cox doesn't believe this so they place a bet, Janitor gets Dr. Cox's Porsche if Janitor gets Elliot, and Dr. Cox gets Janitor's van if he doesn't. Janitor asks his close friends on advice on how to get Elliot, but after realizing they are all crazy he goes and sets up a new group with Ted, Doug and Todd. He then explains the bet to Elliot and the two of them pretend to be together in front of Dr. Cox, who grudgingly hands over the Porsche keys. However, Janitor tells Elliot that to get the Porsche they have to go on a date together, which she agrees to. After running into Dr. Cox, the truth comes out. Janitor hands back to the keys and explains to a mad Elliot that he only went on the date with her because she is the only one who takes him seriously, and she is okay with it.

After phoning Kylie and her breaking up with him, J.D. realizes that you can't always have your cake and eat it; J.D. could not have Kylie and Molly, Janitor could not have the Porsche and Elliot - as Dr. Cox puts a brick on the van's pedal and drives it into a wall - and Turk could not phone Rosanna and have Carla. However, Turk successfully stops talking with Rosanna quickly and explains to Carla that all he had to do was tell her he was married, and Carla is even more shocked that he was lying about being single to Rosanna and comments that Turk won't have to worry about lying because he might not be married for much longer.

[edit] Plot Points

  • Everyone tries to have their cake and eat it

[edit] Recurring Themes

Janitor's van is driven into a wall and blows up

[edit] Fantasies

  • J.D. sees Molly in sexy lingerie tempting him in the hallways.

[edit] Flashback

  • Carla has a psychotic breakdown and questions Turk's potential as a father when he leaves the lid off the toothpaste.

[edit] Janitor story

The Janitor makes a bet with Dr. Cox that he is going out with Elliot. Janitor bets his van against Dr. Cox's Porsche. At first, Elliot and Janitor fool Dr. Cox into believing the story, but Janitor lies to Elliot and claims that Dr. Cox needs to see them on a date. Dr. Cox discovers the lie and wins the bet, driving the Janitor's van into the side of the hospital, but Ted says reassuringly that the can fix it, before watching at the van explodes into flames.

[edit] Guest Stars

[edit] Music

  • "Can't Go Back" by Karen DeBerg
  • "Closer" by Joshua Radin
  • "Waiting For Your Letter" by Cary Brothers

[edit] Quotes

The old Brain Trust have their final meeting
“Gentlemen, Crazy Eyes Margo. I've called together a meeting of the Brain Trust for one reason: I have to find a way to make Blonde Doctor mine.”— Janitor
“Burn down her apartment.”— Randall
“I have an idea, but we're gonna need a tugboat.”— Troy
“Tugboats and arson, that's all I ever get from you guys. We call this a Brain Trust and I'm the one with all the solutions. I saved you from that Eagle, Randall and your job, Troy. And Margo, I found your birth mother. She was a Tree-person, remember? There's no shame in that. Sorry guys, but I've had enough. I'm afraid I'll have to find a new Brain Trust.”— Janitor
[Goes to the next table where Doug, Todd and Ted are sitting]
“Gentlemen, I don't want to appear selfish, but stop what you're doing and focus on me.”


“I have a surprise for you tonight.”— Kylie
“God, I hope it's sex...or a pony. I'll bet it's sex, 'cos I don't see a pony.”— J.D.'s narration


“He-Hey! There he is! My buddy hit it and quit it, didn't he!?”— Turk
“[Hell no] Hell yes! Now if you excuse me it's time for my nightly ritual. [Pleasure myself, weep and repeat]”— J.D.


"I lose my van to him and I lose Margo to Gangsta Rap. Bad Day" - The Janitor
“Where's Margo?”— Janitor
“She's at a Ludacris concert with her birth mom.”— Randall
“I lose my van to him and I lose Margo to Gangsta Rap. Bad day.”


“Blonde Doctor and I are gonna end up together, and I'm talking the whole shebang. House in the 'burbs, Volvo in the driveway, Dog fighting ring in the basement.”— Janitor
“I guess it wouldn't be the first time the Janitor got the girl. Oh, wait a minute, yes it would.”— Dr. Cox


“...Even Jordan lets me keep in contact with women from my past. Give me a pound, my Dawg.”— Dr. Cox
“He gets me.”— Turk, before leaving
“Give me a pound, Dawg.”— J.D., following Turk
“Does he know you were being sarcastic?”— Dr. Kelso
“I hope not.”— Dr. Cox
“Splendid.”


"Grab some blankets and all the canned goods you can carry. We're moving to the sewers." - Patrick
“Even though she did the fake forget-my-name thing, she's here for me. I think we all know there's no patient.”— J.D.'s Narration
“They've landed. Grab some blankets and all the canned goods you can carry. We're moving to the sewers.”— Patrick
“Apparently he's gotten really possessive of me. He won't talk to the new staff psychiatrist.”— Molly
“Molly, I'm sure he's not that possessive.”— J.D.
“Get away from my doctor!”— Patrick

[Patrick tackles J.D.]


“I gotta tell you there, Supercuts, I've seen a lot of crazy things in this hospital. I've seen smokers live to be 100 and triathletes come in here and drop dead at 20. I've seen unbridled joy and I've seen debilitating pain, but I never thought I'd see a jumpsuit wearing, van driving, vomit cleaning, no good confounded Frankenstein-looking buffoon like you get a girl like Barbie.”— Dr. Cox

[edit] Trivia

  • First and so far only mention of Trong Tri Kelso.
  • This is currently the last episode that Molly Clock appears in.

[edit] Images

Patrick warns everyone to move to the sewers

Janitor and his friends watch as...

...Janitor's van explodes after being driven into a wall

Janitor has a meeting with the old brain trust

Janitor and Elliot pretend to be a couple

Dr. Cox and Dr. Kelso realize Turk isn't talking to Carla

J.D. and Kylie argue in her apartment

Janitor wins the bet against Dr. Cox

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