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List of Janitor's lies

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The Janitor is a pathological liar, and he constantly lies about himself to Sacred Heart's staff, particularly to J.D.. Below is a list of all the lies the Janitor has told over the years. See also List of Janitor's pranks and List of Janitor's temporary jobs.

Lies about the Janitor's lifeEdit

3x8 The Janitor as Nigel

The Janitor as Nigel holding English tea buns.

6x10 The Janitors facial hair

The Janitor's patchy facial hair.

Lies about the Janitor's familyEdit

2x17 The Janitors son

The Janitor's fake son.

3x17 Janitor's twin

The Janitor's fake twin brother, Roscoe.

  • He has a wife and kids, whom he refers to as his "janitor wife" and "janitor kids". ("My Mentor")
  • He has a wife. ("My Blind Date")
  • He has a son called Timmy in the 4th grade. ("My First Step")
  • His son, Timmy, used to love Yahtzee, until J.D. made the Janitor miss his play, and now he won't eat. ("My First Step")
  • He has a son. ("My New Old Friend")("My Own Private Practice Guy")("My Jerks")
  • He grew up believing his grandmother was his mother, his mother was his sister, and his father was his brother. ("My Own American Girl")
  • His grandpa had OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and every morning he would take a sock, fill it with nickels, and beat him (although, the Janitor says "and just beat us", possibly referring to other family members, such as siblings). ("My Porcelain God")
  • He has a twin brother called Roscoe. ("My Moment of Un-Truth")
  • His dad was a cat trainer who used a nightstick to train them. ("My Choosiest Choice of All")
  • He has a brother who is a stripper. ("My Rite of Passage")
  • He had a baby with a Chinese local. ("My New God")
  • He had a brother, Clete, whom his parents adopted at age 46 when the Janitor was 12. He talked in a low voice. He had a midlife crisis in his 50s, and he would constantly fight with his step-dad. Also, he slept with his step-mom. ("My New Suit")
  • His great-great-great grandfather was mutton chop enthusiast Ambrose Burnside. ("My Therapeutic Month")
  • He made his dad teach him sign language so he would be able to communicate with his deaf sister. ("My Words of Wisdom")
  • His dad died before he was born. ("My Words of Wisdom")
  • His mother once snapped her own index finger because his father was late to church, and when she dented the car, his father threw himself down the stairs. ("My Point of No Return")
  • On Christmas morning, his uncle's family ran down the stairs, tripped on an untied lace, and were then hacked to pieces by a madman. ("My Princess")
  • When he was a boy, his grandpa said to him "Janitor, every time an angry woman storms in, an angry woman storms out". ("My Cookie Pants")
  • He calls his grandpa "pop-pop". ("My Cookie Pants")
  • His grandpa is "upstairs", dying. ("My Cookie Pants")

Lies about the Janitor's workEdit

3x9 Loose debris

Turk throws a paperball, which lands near the Janitor's feet.

  • He says his job is "what gets [him] up in the morning". ("My Brother, My Keeper")
  • When loose debris is sucked into the air conditioning vent, he has to spend the day crawling inside the wall, and due to the lack of air, once hallucinated he was a mermaid and granted the wishes of imaginary fishermen. ("My Dirty Secret")
  • He was Ruth Bader Ginsberg's janitor. ("My Five Stages")
  • When he was in high school, he volunteered as a janitor at the Hoboken zoo. One night, when he was plucking peacock feathers to sell for pens, Gary the Gorilla made the sign for "food", and the Janitor gave him his danish. Gary eventually died of lung cancer, because the Janitor used to share his cigarettes with him. Gary piqued the Janitor's interest in signing, and, in his memory, he took his first signing class. ("My Words of Wisdom")

Lies about the Janitor's hobbiesEdit

1x23Janitorsulking

The Janitor tracking J.D.

My Jiggly Ball

J.D. playing Jiggly Ball

  • He tracks J.D. like an animal around the hospital. ("My Occurrence")("My Hero")
  • He is in an a-capella band called "Hibbleton", along with Randall and Troy. ("My Ocardial Infarction")
  • He made up a game called "Jiggly Ball", in which a person (in this case, J.D.) has to stand in a circle while people outside the circle throw tennis balls at them. Anybody who catches a jiggle rebound moves up to the Death Line and gets to throw again. ("My Jiggly Ball")
  • He fills Dr. Kelso's hairspray can with dog sweat. ("My Buddy's Booty")
  • He performs stand-up at the Giggle Pit every Monday at sunrise. ("My Urologist")
  • Because he got fired from Sacred Heart, he just sits at home making barking sounds, because he needs some human interaction. It makes the neighbors yell "Shut that damn thing up!", and then he can go over with a bottle of scotch and apologize for Rusty, his imaginary Akita. The only downside is that by the time Lady, his girlfriend, gets home, he is too drunk to talk to or make love to her. ("My Saving Grace")

Lies about J.D.Edit

2x16 The Janitors van

The Janitor, Turk and J.D. in front of the Janitor's van.

  • He claims J.D. stuck a penny in a door to break it. ("My First Day")
  • He claims J.D. stole his ammonia and window cleaner. ("My Fifteen Minutes")
  • He claims J.D's TV is broken, and takes it away. ("My Day Off")
  • He is J.D.'s father. ("My Hero")
  • He claims one of the golf balls J.D. and Turk hit went through his windshield, breaking it. ("My Karma")
  • He is done tormenting J.D. because his residency is done. ("My Old Friend's New Friend")
  • He saw J.D. using olive oil to bring out Dale's pecs, and said that he's using olive oil so he can lick it off later. ("My Lunch")
  • He didn't steal J.D.'s videocamera, which had the scenes of Dr. Acula. ("My Urologist")
  • That J.D. ruined his Christmas in previous year, even though he had only worked at Sacred Heart for 3 months.

Lies about other charactersEdit

Miscellaneous liesEdit

1x11JanitorChristmas

Janitor with his mistletoe.

3x16 Free Stuff Box

The "Lost and Found" box in the Custodial Closet. ("My Butterfly")

  • He drove around the whole city before his 5 am shift just looking for a mistletoe. ("My Own Personal Jesus")
  • He tells J.D.'s patients that he knows they need surgery. ("My Way or the Highway")
  • He has "janitor-locker confidentiality" and can't tell J.D. his new locker combination. ("My Sex Buddy")
  • He knows someone who was born without lips, and their house burned down due to them smoking. ("My Intern's Eyes")
  • His TV only gets the Bible channel and "some weird Chinese boxing". ("My Jiggly Ball")
  • He once found a head in the storage room, but he didn't have time to get to Lost and Found, so he put it in his locker. When he came back to work on Monday, he opened his locker, and was surprised to find a head and rats. Panicking, he took the head and ran to the roof, and punted it. He shanked it wide-left (like he always does) and the head began to head down for Dr. Kelso, who was sitting in his convertible. Then, a hawk flew in, grabbed the head and took off with it. ("My Extra Mile")
  • In "My Two Dads", Turk takes a pen out of the Lost and Found box to give to Carla. However, Laverne later tells him that there is no Lost and Found box, but an "Ass box", in which the staff keeps objects found in patient's colons. On the other hand, in "My Butterfly", there is shown to be a box labelled "Free Stuff" in the Custodial Closet.
  • He hears bells. ("My Growing Pains")
  • CoffeeBucks beans are picked by dirty river monkeys. ("My Manhood")
  • He has been called "many horrible names", including: backstabber, Zebra poacher, and Josh. ("My Manhood")
  • His eyes never close. ("My ABC's")
  • If you form a perfect seal with a plunger on someone's mouth and pull, their Adam's apple will pop out.("My ABC's")

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